This Just In: Recess!

Once again, the time has come for me to take a short leave of absence.  This one will commence immediately at the end of this post and will continue until Monday, December 1st, at which point I will return with regular updates.  If this displeases you, I implore you to at least take solace in the fact that there are encouraging signs from the Chris King Headset Composite Index.  When we last checked on November 14th the CKHCI was at 71.53, and it is now at 72.21:


Or, to put it another way:


As you take your seat at the Thanksgiving table, I hope you will join me in not only giving thanks for this uptick but also in praying for the CKHCI's continued growth.  Hopefully, this bodes well for the retail orgy that is Black Friday, as well as for the regular orgy that is Sepia Saturday.

I hope you will also take solace in the fact that I will not be squandering my recess.  I've long known that you can build a custom fixed-gear over at Pedalmafia (home of the tiny fixed-gear models), but until Stevil Kinevil of HTATBL sent me this mind-blowing creation I simply did not appreciate the full potential of the application:



As such, I will spend at least part of my recess virtually fabricating my own "whip."  Personally, I wanted something less Dr. Seussian and more practical, and I'm already off to a ripping start:



As you can see, though, I still have a long way to go.  You'll note from the pile of top tube pads and grips on my worktable that I'm still deciding on accessories.  Note also the Look Ergostem, which I'm using in order to dial in my position.  (I think I can get the front end lower, though I'd hate to ditch that Cinelli Alter stem since it looks so sweet with the lime green Skyway Tuff Wheel II.)  Still, I think it's pretty sexy.  And it's even sexier in sepia:


Then again, everything's sexier in sepia:

And yes, this image is perfectly safe for work--not only because it's sepia-toned, but also because it's pre-20th century.  While sepia alone can't always legitimize a photograph, any art historian or porn-monger will tell you that pornography automatically becomes art after 100 years, no matter how explicit it may be.

So if your nationality and/or disposition compels you to observe Thanksgiving, I hope you enjoy yours.  If not, you may still feel free to take part in Sepia Saturday.  And regardless of how you choose to spend this week, I'll see you again on December 1st (otherwise known as "Mauve Monday").

Many thanks for reading,


--BSNYC/RTMS


Another Happy H-D Couple


67 Brochure Photo

The Art of the Engine #2


Ya got'ta click on this to appreciate it.
I may have to paint it one day.

Got Ham?


Not exactly artistry here. Nobody left these on.
What was H-D thinking?

Friday's Off Topic Art


In another life I did Space Art

Here's one I did in 1983-84? when I was an illustrator for Hughes Aircraft Co. I did a ton of satellite concept art, some Space Shuttle mission art, and a bunch of other crap.

Coming soon... another blog featuring all subjects of my artwork.

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

If you live in New York, then you love being miserable. And if you love being miserable, you probably also love cyclocross. So if you're a miserable cyclocross-loving New Yorker (or a miserable cyclocross lover with access to New York) you'll be "pleased" to know that there will be a cyclocross race on Staten Island next Sunday, November 30th. Shrouded in mystery, Staten Island is a magical place--not only because it is perpetually 1987 there, but also because it manages to make its neighbor New Jersey seem sophisticated. Also, Staten Island is ordinarily an irony-free zone, but if you're the type of person who gets uncomfortable without it I expect the organizers will bring plenty. I understand they've even secured waffle and bacon sponsors, and as everybody knows bacon is currently the ironic meat of choice.

Not only that, but this very weekend is the Whitmore's Landscaping Super Cross Cup in Southampton, LI. You may recall that this is the event at which you can win a Richard Sachs cyclocross bike. What you may not be aware of is that the promoter gets very defensive when people imply that the Hamptons air is too rarified for 'cross, and even goes so far as to assert that Long Island is "not even an island, even though it’s called Long Island. It’s a peninsula." This struck me as an absurd claim--until I learned that the Supreme Court actually did rule that Long Island is a peninsula back in 1985, which is nearly as mind-bending as that geared singlepeed. In any case, there's ironic 'cross on Staten Island, as well as UCI 'cross on an ironic peninsula.

With that out of the way, I now present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and then click on your answer. If you're correct, you'll know if. If you're wrong, you'll see this Columbia Sportswear commercial with a unicycle in it that I saw while watching "The Chocolate News."

Ride safe this weekend,


--BSNYC/RTMS




1) Thursday morning in Brooklyn--what's going on here?

--Fallen tree + Amateur traffic direction = Clustercoitus

--There's a sale at Macy's

--Ridgewood, Queens has just been declared the "next hot neighborhood" and all of Boerum Hill is moving there en masse

--Word's gone out that a nearby bike lane needs obstructing



2) Which booming trend is not in evidence in this photo? (Warning: answering correctly reveals a person on a toilet.)

--The vintage Italian saddle trend

--The Bullhorn-Equipped Road Bike (BERB) trend

--The disc-specific 29er rim trend

--The "vintage" GT triple-triangle trend


3) What is this jersey?

--A worldwide campaign to save lives

--A worldwide campaign to embarrass cyclists

--The maillot vent for the most flatulent rider in the Tour de France

--Court-mandated after that unfortunate misunderstanding at GapKids



4) What's going on here?

--The rider is modeling Rapha's new $400 "Derelicte" knee warmers

--The rider is modeling a pair of plastic rain chaps

--The rider is sporting an essential component of the modular maillot d'incontinence

--The rider is racing cyclocross and he got tangled up in the course tape





5) Where can you buy this $4,300 Ferrari bicycle?

--Wal-Mart

--Hammacher Schlemmer

--Brookstone

--Toys 'R' Us



6) What's the most likely explanation for the above?

--Someone is both smug and anachronistic

--Someone is on the way to a Grover Cleveland rally

--Someone is on the way to Williamsburg to do some ironic cycling

--Someone is on the way to Colonial Williamsburg to do some period-correct direct-drive freestyling


7) What would really tie this p-far together?

--A top tube pad

--An Aerospoke

--A pair of MKS track pedals

--All of the above




8) What kind of contest is taking place above?

--A trackstand contest

--An irony contest

--A contest to determine which rider has most effectively sublimated a need for attention into front wheel form

--A crotch-numbing contest




9) Professional cyclist Sylvain Chavanel was recently injured in:

--A tragic Beaujolais-opening incident

--A penny-farthing accident

--A cyclocross-related groin pull

--A tragic oyster-shucking incident

One of my Favorites


Other artists might relate to the back story of this art.

I did this art several years ago. It's one of those special works where everything just comes together naturally. It started with an idea that had been kicking around my noggin for sometime. Later, during a break of selling prints at a Mooneyes Xmas show, I did a rough sketch of the car on a torn scrap of paper. Then, one day much later, I came across the ragged sketch. Instead of redrawing it, I just cut it out, mounted it, and went at it.

It's not the tightest or refined piece but, it's one of my favorites. It seems that when I take a care free off the cuff approach to a project, it turns out best.


The KnuckleReaper was harder to get right

Later, I did the KnuckleReaper art to complement it and although I'm very happy how it turned out, the planning and painting of it didn't have that same creative flow.

If anybody is interested, I have a few small prints of both works. The MC art copy and the large C. Kallas signature are not on the prints.

Celebrity Biker photos of the Week


Mister Cool? Many think so

To read the above article go to:
http://www.angelfire.com/biz/snwvlly/bikes/steve.htm

Steve McQueen might be the most famous celebrity motorcycle enthusiast of them all but, to a new generation and as time goes by, Jay Leno may take his place. Steve owned all makes and types of bikes but, his preference seem to lean towards big British twins.

Tearing up on the Rickman. Hey Steve, where's your safety equipment?


Nice bike

Testing the McQueen built Rickman-Metisse-Triumph


Definitely not British. Is this Steve and his favorite bike?

Of all his bikes, the above chopped Indian has been reported as his favorite ride because he could ride it incognito. Somewhere I have a photo of him aboard a chopped Indian sport'in long hair and a beard.

Definitely not Steve. The Indian chop today at the National Motorcycle Museum

Years ago, I saw a (light green?), grubby bobbed/chopped McQueen Indian in the West Coast Choppers show room. Was it the claimed favorite or, the bike above? Later, I heard that Jesse planned on restoring it. Boy would that be a mistake.

Moxie: Who Needs It?

On Tuesday I ran a number of cycling-related websites through the Genderanalyzer, which yielded some interesting if not entirely accurate results. Of the sites analyzed, the most masculine by a huge margin was Lance Armstrong's Twitter, at 93%. Well, I recently discovered that another cycling-related site is sitting right on Armstrong's wheel in the masculinity department, coming in at a resounding 89%:

I'm not sure what kind of e-pheromones Son of Zone Baby is exuding to elicit such a positive result (besides the fact it has "Son" in the title of course), but if you're looking to read something that will put some hair on your chest, go check it out.

Meanwhile, the blog you're currently reading is holding fast at 52% female, which while not entirely accurate is at least consistent. I for one value consistency over accuracy, which it so happens is the same rationale used by many devotees of friction-shifting. Besides, regardless of whether you're running/rocking male or female reproductive organs, when it comes to being successful the real determining factor is moxie. And like this blog, moxie is gender-neutral. Take this messenger-versus-model race, forwarded to me by a reader:


There's a long tradition of pointless, apples-and-oranges, mismatched exhibition races in our culture. Jesse Owens raced against a horse, Mario Cipollini raced against a horse (though rumors he subsequently bedded it are unsubstantiated), the TV show "Top Gear" pitted a Ford Mustang against a horse, and even I raced against a Smart (but only because no horses were available, probably because the ASPCA got wind of the Mario Cipollini incident). However, I was immediately skeptical about this particular mismatched exhibition race when I heard the messenger, Al Busano, claim that he delivers over a thousand packages a week.

This is a bold claim to say the least. Even if Busano works ten hours a day, seven days a week, he'd need to deliver over 140 packages a day in order to meet that number. That's 14 packages an hour, or roughly one package every four minutes. Either: 1) Busano is omnipresent; 2) Busano delivers mostly interoffice correspondence; or 3) Busano is inflating his number. In any case, even if he is rounding up by a factor of ten, he should have no trouble beating a fashion model on a skateboard, right?

...even if her "secret weapon" is apparently the ability to employ her legs in conjunction with her labia while riding a skateboard, and even if she's wearing the notoriously arresting Sue Ellen Mishky blazer-with-a-bra-for-a-top combo that made Kramer crash his car into a pole in that "Seinfeld" episode:
Well, if you were pulling for the mendacious messenger to defeat the skateboarding model rocking a prehensile vagina, I'm sorry to say you were disappointed. Personally, I suspect the contest was rigged, and that the people at Style.com somehow stacked the odds in favor of the model. If they'd really wanted a close race, they'd have made her race against Mario Cipollini, though had they done that there's a good chance the competitors never would have gotten on their respective forms of wheeled conveyance and the video would have taken a decidedly pornographic turn. Or else, they could have used one of the female messengers from this recent New York Times article. My personal choice would have been German emigree Carmen Burkhart, described in the article as "a slight, tight-bodied 43-year-old who smokes and drinks only hot coffee for hydration, even in the summer:"

(Carmen Burkhart: weltschmerz in motion)

In a match-up like that, the smart money would clearly be on the wiry dehydrated nicotine-and-caffeine-addled Teuton over the ditz on the skateboard. Not only that, but the video would have been way more entertaining to watch.

But competing in phony races isn't the only thing that takes moxie. It also takes moxie to maintain your bicycle's drivetrain. And since moxie seems to be a non-renewable resource in our culture, the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company is finally bringing to the mass market a drivetrain that requires no moxie whatsoever in order to maintain:


The carbon fiber belt drive bicycle drivetrain is nothing new--we've already seen it from Spot--but Trek is wisely marketing it to the commuter rather than the racer (though Travis Brown has been running and/or rocking one too). While I've been critical of Trek in the past, I have to say that I'm not only in favor of the belt drive commuter bicycle, but moreover I feel as though Trek is doing me a personal favor with it. I've voiced my irritation over the fact that so many commuters are unable to lubricate their drivetrains before, so a bicycle that will run quietly without lubrication is nothing less than a godsend to me. I can only hope that the lubricant-impaired take to this system en masse and I never get stuck behind another squeaky, rusty, non-shifting drivetrain ever again. After all, Trek's fellow Wisconsinites Harley Davidson have already successfully shown the world that when convenience and low maintenance are more important than performance a belt drive is the way to go. (They've also convinced an entire generation of dentists and lawyers to ride around on overpriced flatulent motorcycles while wearing leather chaps, but that's something else.) And the rest of us don't even have to give up our chains--apart from the metaphorical chains that bind us to our irritating noisy-biked cousins, that is.

Not only that, but while killing off the noisy chain the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company may have unwittingly dealt the coup de grâce to the already-withering colored deep-V trend as well, since the new belt-drive District comes with high-profile rims of orange:

No way colored deep-Vs can survive this with their street cred intact. I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Trek. Thank you.

Two Tandems for Today


You meet the happiest people on a Hog. I've always liked this art.
The Illustrators that did H-D's ads are unsung heros.


Nice cover, great angle. This couple is serious.

Penny-Ante: The Ordinary Trend Moves Up a Notch

As the fixed-gear trend arguably reaches the point of total mainsteam absorption, the penny-farthing trend appears to be taking its place. On Monday I pointed out that penny-farthings not only trump the fixed-gear in terms of zen-like simplicity, but are also "chick magnets." Since then, my assertion has been borne out, as photos of modern-day penny-farthings (or "p-fars," if you're the type of person who says "fixie") continue to pour in from around the world:


From Hjulcompaniet in Norway comes an excellent example of what you can expect to replace the "fixter" in the coming months. Note that instead of wearing snug women's trousers, the "p-farster" is wearing loose-fitting bloomers. It's also interesting to note that he's sporting relatively modern-looking eyeglasses. There's a raging debate in the p-far community as to whether these sorts of glasses are acceptable. Proponents point out that over-the-ear eyeglasses have been around for centuries, but purists maintain that they weren't very popular until fairly recently and as such opt for the pince-nez.


From Melbourne, Australia comes this fascinating example. Interestingly, this rider eschews period-correctness and has even incorporated modern accessories such as a u-lock and a spoke card (or, given the size of the wheel, a spoke treatise). Also, this photo proves once again that the p-far is a "chick magnet," as there is a blonde woman with bare legs and high heels in close proximity. It's obvious that this photo was taken just after she spotted the p-far and just before she followed the owner into the building, where she probably smiled coyly at him and encouraged him to send a telegram or perhaps even (gasp!) call upon her in person for tea.

We've already seen colored deep-Vs and adhesive letters in the fixed-gear scene, and it would appear that the p-far scene may be following suit. Unfortunately, though, this rider has failed to take advantage of all the space with which his huge front wheel provides him. Instead of simply spacing out the letters, he could have really seized upon the opportunity to employ some flowery Victorian-era prose. If he's reading, I recommend revising this message before making a sepia-toned daguerreotype and submitting it to pennyfarthinggallery.

But while some trend-seekers have abandoned the fixie for the p-far, others have left it for the road bike, and they're taking their fixed-gear habits with them. A reader has pointed out to me a new trend of road bikes equipped with bullhorns, and I must say that this is in line with what I've been seeing on the streets of New York City:

I've definitely been observing more and more people using bullhorns on their road bikes, and frankly I find it disturbing. Bullhorns became popular on fixed-gear bikes because they allow a hand position similar to that of riding with your hands on your brake hoods. However, once you've got a road bike with actual brake hoods there's no reason to use bullhorns. (Unless you're building up a time trial bike or something, in which case you're about to get sucked into the rabbit hole of compulsively anal behavior and there's no hope for you.) The drop bar with STI levers affords you all the hand positions of the bullhorn, keeps all your controls at your fingertips, and gives you the added bonus of drops when you need them. Then again, urban fixed-gear riders are highly averse to drop bars, and when they do use them it's simply an aesthetic choice. Even those who choose to maintain the stylistic integrity of their "classic" track bikes by using drop bars still often ride with their hands on the tops even when they're out of the saddle. It would follow then that they'd carry their bullhorns over to their road bikes. In fact, with more and more riders coming to other types of cycling via fixed-gears, it may be only a matter of time before the drop bar becomes extinct and bike companies start selling road bikes stock with bullhorns, top-mount brake levers, and bar-end shifters (in addition to the flat-bar road bikes they're already selling of course).

But what if you're not ready to abandon your fixed-gear for the p-far or the bullhorn-equipped road bike? Well, fortunately there's still a place for you. In Japan. The proprietor of a "Keirin bar" in Tokyo has just informed me that I can stop in for a Nama Beer if I'm ever in Nakameguro. According to the description on their website, I can also order a Ginger Mint Mojito if I prefer, and I can drink it beneath a "kaleidoscope of Japanese Keirin Track frames:"


It's good to know that the Ginger Mint Mojito is a "drink for any occasion," because if I do ever go to Nakameguro you can be sure to find me sucking them down in rapid succession at Kinfolk as I play with my tiny fixed-gear models beneath a kaleidoscope of Keirin frames. You can also be sure that by last call I'll be passed out in my underpants on the sofa in the background, surrounded by tiny fixed-gear models and smelling strongly of ginger like some tragic parody of Bill Murray in "Lost In Translation."

Speaking of tiny bicycle models, if you're looking for something to add to your own collection look no further than Philadelphia Craislist, where a reader informs me you can purchase a "G.I. Joe Like Soldier On Bicycle With Gear" for the incredibly low price of $20:


G.I. JOE LIKE SOLDIER ON BICYCLE WITH GEAR- GUN, HELMET, GOOGLES & BAG - $20 (DELAWARE COUNTY)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-11-18, 4:16PM EST

THIS IS NOT A G.I. JOE BUT IT IS VERY SIMILAR TO ONE. HE COMES COMPLETE WITH A HELMET, MESSENGER BAG, MACHINE GUN AND GOOGLES. HE IS DRESSED IN A COMPLETE CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORM. HIS BOOTS FIT IN THE TOE STRAPS AND THE BACK WHEEL SPINS WHEN THE PEDALS ARE TURNED BY A RUBBERBAND DRIVEN CHAIN. THE FRONT WHEEL ALSO SPINS. THERE IS A KICKSTAND THAT HOLDS HIM UP AND A WATER BOTTLE CAGE BUT NO WATER BOTTLE. THIS SOLDIER IS READY TO FIGHT! THANKS!

Between those track bike models and this I may never have to leave the house again--though my play may now become a bit more bellicose. My only reservation is that the quasi-G.I. Joe's bike doesn't come with a water bottle, since I'm not sure where I'd be able to find one. (There may be one in my Barbie's Workout Center, but I'd hate to open the shrink-wrap and break up the set.) Then again, the soldier does Google, so he may be able to find one for himself. Intrigued, I set about trying to determine whether the seller was male or female by running the ad through the Genderanalyzer, which yielded the following result:

I guess I may never know.

One thing I do know, though, is that telecommunications companies are looking out for cyclists. (Well, not specifically cyclists, but I suppose we benefit by default.) If you're a cyclist, by now you're probably accustomed to avoiding drivers who are far more engrossed in their cellphones than they are in where they're going. Personally, I'm more afraid of a driver holding a cellphone than one holding a Ginger Mint Mojito. For this reason, I was simulaneously heartened and irritated to see this tiny icon in the corner of a Sprint cellphone advertisement in a respected and highly pretentious magazine:

Wanting to learn more, I placed the highly pretentious magazine in the recycling bin where it belonged and consulted the same popular search engine the quasi-G.I. Joe uses, where I learned this:

A cellphone company telling teens not to drive distracted is kind of like Philip Morris telling parents to talk to their kids about smoking, though I do appreciate the effort. I also find it entertaining that the program speaks to teens "in their own language, using real-world examples," and I'd love to see the part of the instructional video where they show the kid pulling over safely and coming to a stop before answering that long-awaited callback from his weed dealer. Hopefully the "Focus on Driving" program speaks more loudly to teens than my own PSA, which while poignant admittedly falls into the generational gap:


And cellphones aren't only deadly in the hands of drivers. We cyclists are equally vulnerable to the cellphone's siren call (or text). Just a few days ago I witnessed a woman ride through a red light at a major intersection while on her cellphone. She then ran into the broadside of a yellow cab (which amazingly had been doing nothing illegal or dangerous), at which point she took the phone off her ear and shouted obscenities at the driver before returning it to the side of her head and continuing on her loquacious way.

But as a New Yorker I suppose I should consider myself lucky, for while I may have to dodge cellphone-wielding drivers and cyclists on my commute a reader correctly points out that I have yet to have a run-in with a bear:

I was glad to see that both rider and bear seem to be OK, and that neither was using a cellphone at the time of the collision (though fortunately the bear had the wherewithal to call for an ambulance). I was also pleased to see that the rider was on a cyclocross bike and that penny-farthing craze has not yet reached Missoula, which means that while we may see more and more of them in the coming months it should be a good while before the trend moves into its ironic phase.