 |
| Dottie of letsgorideabike.com with her Workcycles Azor Oma from Dutch Bike Co. Chicago |
Cycling Tip from Dottie: Don't let anyone, from honking SUV drivers to condescending bike shop employees, dissuade you from riding a bike.
Dottie, Chicago Lakepath
Lorena, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL.
 |
Lorena Cupcake, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL. October 2010 |
BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!
At the risk of being what "back in the day" certain people used to call a "nudge," I will remind you one last time to come to my BRA (or "Book-Related Appearance") tomorrow at 2:00pm at the Philly Bike Expo. As you probably recall, yesterday I enumerated the reasons you should attend, but here's a quick recap just in case:
SEE!
My PowerPoint presentation.
HEAR!
Me narrate my PowerPoint presentation.
SMELL!
The sweet, transportive fragrance of Rapha unguents.
WIN!
Small quantities of fabulous crap.
By the way, if you're wondering how I'll be getting to Philadelphia, I will of course be taking the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. In fact, I've already embarked, and here's some exciting footage of my journey which a fellow road user captured on amateur video:
I know they say the driver was a woman, but I always wear my driving wig when I car-salmon.
In other news, the electronic votes are virtually in, and it gives me great pleasure to declare the podium of the First (and Last Annual) Etcetera and So Forth Cockpit of the "Cockie" Compecockie:
So congratulations to "Antlers Sur L'Herbe":
The eternally-vexing "???:"
And of course the winner and therefore the most "flambullient" cockpit of all time, "Jacob's Ladder:"
As you can see above, the difference between first and second was incredibly close, but working in the winner's favorite was the fact that it had already won the Sheldon Brown Memorial Biplanar Cockpit Award, thus establishing it as the sentimental favorite.
I have not notified any of the winners yet, though I will be in touch in due course to arrange for delivery of your savory and delicious BSNYC/RTMS Coffee, courtesy of the Just Coffee Cooperative.
And so endeth the BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Whatever Awards, not with a bang, but with a wimple:
Expect those Rapha bespoke cycling wimples to "drop" sometime in 2011.
Now, without further a-duh, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then cheer and punch your neighbor, and if you're wrong you'll see more triathlete remounts.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hope to see you at the Philly Bike Expo.
--BSNYC/Artie M. Ess
1. How is the NYPD coping with the problem of police cars parked in the bike lanes?
--Issuing summonses to the offending officers
--Encouraging cyclists to call 311
--Briefing officers about bicycle safety
--Ticketing the cyclists who are forced to ride around them
2. In New York City, children on training wheels can:
--Ride on the sidewalk
--Bring their bikes to school
--Attend special neighborhood bike safety classes
--Get sued
3. Holding your bike above your head is a good example of a "doucheclamation point."
--True
--False
4. Why are these riders throwing their bikes into the water?
--They are engaged in a bike-hurling competition
--They are Christians and are baptizing them
--They are racing old-timey cyclocross
--They are discarding them because they are made by Specialized
5. Fill in the blank: "Tarck" bikes are out, _____ are in.
--Cyclocross bikes
--Vintage road bikes
--Randonneur bikes
--Hybrid bikes
6. In the above photograph, the clover is the:
--Colnago logo
--Pinarello logo
--Irish Spring logo
--Pubes
7. The L train remains the best place in New York City to see aging hipsters.
--True
--False
According to the owner, this is:
--"probably the most outragous fix gear bike ever made in Australia"
--"probably the hotest custom ever to come out of Canada"
--"definately the sickest fixie on Craigslist"
--"vertically still, laterally compliant, and diagonally ridiculous"
SEE!
My PowerPoint presentation.
HEAR!
Me narrate my PowerPoint presentation.
SMELL!
The sweet, transportive fragrance of Rapha unguents.
WIN!
Small quantities of fabulous crap.
By the way, if you're wondering how I'll be getting to Philadelphia, I will of course be taking the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. In fact, I've already embarked, and here's some exciting footage of my journey which a fellow road user captured on amateur video:
I know they say the driver was a woman, but I always wear my driving wig when I car-salmon.
In other news, the electronic votes are virtually in, and it gives me great pleasure to declare the podium of the First (and Last Annual) Etcetera and So Forth Cockpit of the "Cockie" Compecockie:
So congratulations to "Antlers Sur L'Herbe":
The eternally-vexing "???:"
And of course the winner and therefore the most "flambullient" cockpit of all time, "Jacob's Ladder:"
As you can see above, the difference between first and second was incredibly close, but working in the winner's favorite was the fact that it had already won the Sheldon Brown Memorial Biplanar Cockpit Award, thus establishing it as the sentimental favorite.I have not notified any of the winners yet, though I will be in touch in due course to arrange for delivery of your savory and delicious BSNYC/RTMS Coffee, courtesy of the Just Coffee Cooperative.
And so endeth the BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Whatever Awards, not with a bang, but with a wimple:
Expect those Rapha bespoke cycling wimples to "drop" sometime in 2011.Now, without further a-duh, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then cheer and punch your neighbor, and if you're wrong you'll see more triathlete remounts.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hope to see you at the Philly Bike Expo.
--BSNYC/Artie M. Ess
1. How is the NYPD coping with the problem of police cars parked in the bike lanes?
--Issuing summonses to the offending officers
--Encouraging cyclists to call 311
--Briefing officers about bicycle safety
--Ticketing the cyclists who are forced to ride around them
2. In New York City, children on training wheels can:--Ride on the sidewalk
--Bring their bikes to school
--Attend special neighborhood bike safety classes
--Get sued
3. Holding your bike above your head is a good example of a "doucheclamation point."
--True
--False
4. Why are these riders throwing their bikes into the water?--They are engaged in a bike-hurling competition
--They are Christians and are baptizing them
--They are racing old-timey cyclocross
--They are discarding them because they are made by Specialized
5. Fill in the blank: "Tarck" bikes are out, _____ are in.--Cyclocross bikes
--Vintage road bikes
--Randonneur bikes
--Hybrid bikes
6. In the above photograph, the clover is the:
--Colnago logo
--Pinarello logo
--Irish Spring logo
--Pubes
7. The L train remains the best place in New York City to see aging hipsters.--True
--False
***Special Fixed-Gear-Themed Bonus Question***
According to the owner, this is:
--"probably the most outragous fix gear bike ever made in Australia"
--"probably the hotest custom ever to come out of Canada"
--"definately the sickest fixie on Craigslist"
--"vertically still, laterally compliant, and diagonally ridiculous"
Pressing Issues: Matters of Miner Importance
I didn't become a bike blogger in order to do "work;" instead, I did it because it seemed like a relaxing way to sit in front of a computer all morning in my underpants. However, even into the most pantsless life a little responsibility must fall, and it is now my responsibility to remind you that I will be giving a presentation at the Philly Bike Expo this Saturday, October 30th, at 2:00pm. That's right in between Yoga For Cyclists (which is much easier than Advanced Autofellatio) and Georgena Terry's presentation (Terry being the inventor of the road bike with the tiny wheel in the front that inadvertently launched a "fixie" trend):
It also, unfortunately, conflicts with the presentation of Drew Guldalian, who happens to build very nice bikes, which I know because my friend has one and I've ridden it:
Given this, as well as the fact that I'm intrinsically not very interesting, I know that I have to work in order to draw people to my presentation. To this end, I will first remind you that the Philly Bike Expo people have a "special" going, wherein you get a copy of my book:
Secondly, I will also tell you that the seminar I've prepared is more than entertaining; it's actually a major opportunity to get in on the "ground floor" of a tremendously exciting business venture. I can't tell you what this venture is, and I also won't confirm or deny that it involves time shares, but I will point out that the weather is quite lovely in Boca Raton at this time of year and just leave it at that. Plus, in addition to all of this, I will be giving out prizes, which will consist mostly of stuff I have lying around at home. For example, if you can believe it, Rapha actually just sent me some of their "performance skincare:"
This was very generous of them, and I'm honestly grateful, but the truth is that I have an aversion to scented unguents, and I could smell this stuff before it even got off the mail truck. (It smelled kind of like the bowls of potpourri they keep by the door in the sorts of shops that sell candles and teapots.) I'm also an avowed "lowbrow" when it comes to chamois cream (if you don't know, chamois cream is the stuff you put on your "lowbrow"), and the local pharmacy serves my crotchal needs just fine. (My motto is: "If it's good enough for a diaper, then it's good enough for my bib shorts.") Also, I once had an accident involving hot embrocation that is too graphic to relate here, and I'm now afraid to get anywhere near the stuff.
So, what this means is that I will award this deluxe Rapha Performance Skincare fun-pak as a prize at my BRA. By the way, it will also come in this Rapha sack, which is perfect for pretentiously storing that spare tubular tire you keep toe-clipped to the underside of the saddle on your Serotta, ostensibly in case of a puncture but in reality merely as a sort of "retro" affectation:
Or you can stuff it full of potpourri and hang it in your closet.
But this isn't the only prize I will dispense. I'll also rummage around and see what else I can find, and these items could include lights from Knog as well as perhaps a t-shirt or two. Moreover, I will attempt to dispense these items in a fashion that is enjoyable to all present. So I hope to see some of you there on Saturday, and I hope you will refrain from pelting me with cheese steaks.
Moving on, in the spirit of "work" and fulfilling responsibilities, it's also time to conclude The First (and Last) Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award, sponsored by Just Coffee Cooperative, who won't listen to me when I tell them they'd make a lot more money if they'd just start exploiting people. Yesterday, you voted on the finalists, and here were the winners when I arbitrarily closed the polls this morning:
As you can see, "Antlers Sur L'Herbe" won by a comfortable margin:
In this race, a conservative gravel-phobic base rallied to make sure that aerobars are used only on the road:
In this emotionally charged race, Jacob's Ladder was the clear favorite:
It was a very tight race, but the "Upright" configuration won by a rattly worn 9-speed STI lever top cap:
Also a very close race, in the end "Steering Wheel Guy" flipped "The Kansas Sail" the "bird:"
And finally, in the always sensational "Freestyle" competition, the Terry Gilliamesque network of pneumatic tubes that is the "???" cockpit won decisively:
Thus having established the best-of-breed, it's now time to determine the Best In Show and finally put this contest to bed like a naughty dachshund. Simply vote below for the cockpit you like best, and the number of votes each cockpit receives will determine the first, second, and third place finishers:
Once the voters are in, that will be that, and three very lucky and potentially overstimulated people will receive their "Cockie" coffee.
Speaking of elections, a number of people have informed me that this bloated saddlebag was recently elected the mayor of Toronto:
Sadly, all I can do is offer the people of Toronto my condolences. I was particularly confused by his self-defeating argument that people shouldn't ride bikes because "roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks, not for people on bikes," since if anything it means that the roads need to be upgraded. That's like saying people shouldn't use computers because "our communication infrastructure was built for letters and telegraphs, and not for the Internet." Of course, he does have a sensitive side:
My heart bleeds for ‘em when I hear someone gets killed, but it’s their own fault at the end of the day.
His heart may be bleeding, but I suspect it's due not to the dead cyclists but to his corpulence, and that it has ruptured from the strain of pushing blood through his fat-clogged arteries. Unfortunately for him, "artificial hearts are built for health-minded people with congenital heart defects, not for people who eat all their meals at Tim Hortons."
Meanwhile, speaking of self-contradictory worldviews, a fellow Twitterer has informed me that the "57 Things" guy was on the CBS Evening News recently:
At first I was puzzled as to why a minimalist with a small amount of stuff would need such a big apartment:
But then I remembered that he and his girlfriend actually had a whole lot of stuff--until they broke up, leaving him in a typical "my girlfriend just left me" apartment. Fortunately though he still has a full wardrobe that easily contains at least 57 hangers:
He also still has his bike, which may or may not be a fixie but definitely has the top-mount-lever-only brake lever configuration so conducive to that "out of the saddle, hands on the bar tops" thing that "hipsters" love to do:
Meanwhile, CBS Evening News juxtaposes the incidental minimalism of a guy whose girlfriend just left him with the cluttered apartment of a former sorority sister who desperately clings to her sticker and shoelace collection:
Here she is standing in her closet:
I give it six weeks before she and "57 Things" guy move in together, and six months before she leaves him after a protracted fight about closet space.
They even talk to a professional organizer, whose orderly wood pile is a testament to his abilities:
But who fails to explain how having a bunch of cabinets you don't use is "minimalist:"
Really, it's no different from having a bunch of stickers you don't stick to anything, or a box of shoelaces you don't put in shoes.
By the way, I'd bet my Ironic Orange Julius Bike that the professional organizer with the tidy woodpile owns one of those artisanal axes:
Even though they're hopelessly out of style, since a reader informs me that it's now all about the designer pick axe:
Thanks to that rescue in Chile, urban lumberjacks are out, and "hipster" miners are in.
It also, unfortunately, conflicts with the presentation of Drew Guldalian, who happens to build very nice bikes, which I know because my friend has one and I've ridden it:
Given this, as well as the fact that I'm intrinsically not very interesting, I know that I have to work in order to draw people to my presentation. To this end, I will first remind you that the Philly Bike Expo people have a "special" going, wherein you get a copy of my book:
Secondly, I will also tell you that the seminar I've prepared is more than entertaining; it's actually a major opportunity to get in on the "ground floor" of a tremendously exciting business venture. I can't tell you what this venture is, and I also won't confirm or deny that it involves time shares, but I will point out that the weather is quite lovely in Boca Raton at this time of year and just leave it at that. Plus, in addition to all of this, I will be giving out prizes, which will consist mostly of stuff I have lying around at home. For example, if you can believe it, Rapha actually just sent me some of their "performance skincare:"
This was very generous of them, and I'm honestly grateful, but the truth is that I have an aversion to scented unguents, and I could smell this stuff before it even got off the mail truck. (It smelled kind of like the bowls of potpourri they keep by the door in the sorts of shops that sell candles and teapots.) I'm also an avowed "lowbrow" when it comes to chamois cream (if you don't know, chamois cream is the stuff you put on your "lowbrow"), and the local pharmacy serves my crotchal needs just fine. (My motto is: "If it's good enough for a diaper, then it's good enough for my bib shorts.") Also, I once had an accident involving hot embrocation that is too graphic to relate here, and I'm now afraid to get anywhere near the stuff.So, what this means is that I will award this deluxe Rapha Performance Skincare fun-pak as a prize at my BRA. By the way, it will also come in this Rapha sack, which is perfect for pretentiously storing that spare tubular tire you keep toe-clipped to the underside of the saddle on your Serotta, ostensibly in case of a puncture but in reality merely as a sort of "retro" affectation:
Or you can stuff it full of potpourri and hang it in your closet.But this isn't the only prize I will dispense. I'll also rummage around and see what else I can find, and these items could include lights from Knog as well as perhaps a t-shirt or two. Moreover, I will attempt to dispense these items in a fashion that is enjoyable to all present. So I hope to see some of you there on Saturday, and I hope you will refrain from pelting me with cheese steaks.
Moving on, in the spirit of "work" and fulfilling responsibilities, it's also time to conclude The First (and Last) Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award, sponsored by Just Coffee Cooperative, who won't listen to me when I tell them they'd make a lot more money if they'd just start exploiting people. Yesterday, you voted on the finalists, and here were the winners when I arbitrarily closed the polls this morning:
I. Best Antler or Animal By-Product
As you can see, "Antlers Sur L'Herbe" won by a comfortable margin:
II: Best Aero
In this race, a conservative gravel-phobic base rallied to make sure that aerobars are used only on the road:
III: Best Multi-Level
(The Sheldon Brown Memorial Biplanar Cockpit Award)
In this emotionally charged race, Jacob's Ladder was the clear favorite:
IV: Best STI
It was a very tight race, but the "Upright" configuration won by a rattly worn 9-speed STI lever top cap:
V: Best Owner "Curated" and Piloted
Also a very close race, in the end "Steering Wheel Guy" flipped "The Kansas Sail" the "bird:"
VI: "Freestyle"
(Anything Goes!)
And finally, in the always sensational "Freestyle" competition, the Terry Gilliamesque network of pneumatic tubes that is the "???" cockpit won decisively:
Thus having established the best-of-breed, it's now time to determine the Best In Show and finally put this contest to bed like a naughty dachshund. Simply vote below for the cockpit you like best, and the number of votes each cockpit receives will determine the first, second, and third place finishers:
Once the voters are in, that will be that, and three very lucky and potentially overstimulated people will receive their "Cockie" coffee.
Speaking of elections, a number of people have informed me that this bloated saddlebag was recently elected the mayor of Toronto:
Sadly, all I can do is offer the people of Toronto my condolences. I was particularly confused by his self-defeating argument that people shouldn't ride bikes because "roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks, not for people on bikes," since if anything it means that the roads need to be upgraded. That's like saying people shouldn't use computers because "our communication infrastructure was built for letters and telegraphs, and not for the Internet." Of course, he does have a sensitive side:
My heart bleeds for ‘em when I hear someone gets killed, but it’s their own fault at the end of the day.
His heart may be bleeding, but I suspect it's due not to the dead cyclists but to his corpulence, and that it has ruptured from the strain of pushing blood through his fat-clogged arteries. Unfortunately for him, "artificial hearts are built for health-minded people with congenital heart defects, not for people who eat all their meals at Tim Hortons."
Meanwhile, speaking of self-contradictory worldviews, a fellow Twitterer has informed me that the "57 Things" guy was on the CBS Evening News recently:
At first I was puzzled as to why a minimalist with a small amount of stuff would need such a big apartment:
But then I remembered that he and his girlfriend actually had a whole lot of stuff--until they broke up, leaving him in a typical "my girlfriend just left me" apartment. Fortunately though he still has a full wardrobe that easily contains at least 57 hangers:
He also still has his bike, which may or may not be a fixie but definitely has the top-mount-lever-only brake lever configuration so conducive to that "out of the saddle, hands on the bar tops" thing that "hipsters" love to do:
Meanwhile, CBS Evening News juxtaposes the incidental minimalism of a guy whose girlfriend just left him with the cluttered apartment of a former sorority sister who desperately clings to her sticker and shoelace collection:
Here she is standing in her closet:
I give it six weeks before she and "57 Things" guy move in together, and six months before she leaves him after a protracted fight about closet space.They even talk to a professional organizer, whose orderly wood pile is a testament to his abilities:
But who fails to explain how having a bunch of cabinets you don't use is "minimalist:"
Really, it's no different from having a bunch of stickers you don't stick to anything, or a box of shoelaces you don't put in shoes.By the way, I'd bet my Ironic Orange Julius Bike that the professional organizer with the tidy woodpile owns one of those artisanal axes:
Even though they're hopelessly out of style, since a reader informs me that it's now all about the designer pick axe:
Thanks to that rescue in Chile, urban lumberjacks are out, and "hipster" miners are in.Stupid-Glide Tanks
4-Sale SOLD
1984 original paint super-glide tank. Go to my parts page (MCparts), for more pics.
Origins, last of their kind.
My new favorite tanks for an FXR.
Great Looks, More Filling. H-D use to put them on touring model Sportsters in the late 70's, Roadstsers and XLS's in '79- '83. The Torrance P.D. had them on their XL's too. SOLD
1984 original paint super-glide tank. Go to my parts page (MCparts), for more pics.
Origins, last of their kind.
My new favorite tanks for an FXR.
Great Looks, More Filling. H-D use to put them on touring model Sportsters in the late 70's, Roadstsers and XLS's in '79- '83. The Torrance P.D. had them on their XL's too. SOLD
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
