tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10381485463429669572024-02-07T04:04:18.955-08:00Bike DelThere are dozens of new miles of bike trails and “bikeways” for those readyobrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comBlogger2242125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-26266074288016037502013-01-25T10:12:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.734-08:00Denvers Choppers Shop Towel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg81gsTMV9YA_z8RwLfV5l8Feden3ZAbFq1iUoub2e70pIZvIH90p9t1sUNR4ljLYZZ1lz0MeAgEc-LzHUJzKCUMvI86T14vZigbPJbavdR-RoyiU9KaoKZYOzF_35-f9YUOMQkkgvgLEFM/s1600/Denvers-Choppers-Rag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="392" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg81gsTMV9YA_z8RwLfV5l8Feden3ZAbFq1iUoub2e70pIZvIH90p9t1sUNR4ljLYZZ1lz0MeAgEc-LzHUJzKCUMvI86T14vZigbPJbavdR-RoyiU9KaoKZYOzF_35-f9YUOMQkkgvgLEFM/s400/Denvers-Choppers-Rag.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">Another cool item from Steve Sharp's garage. The real deal from Berdoo. Quite possibly the coolest shop rag around.</span></i>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-76001248557582778292013-01-25T08:25:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.753-08:00BSNYC Friday Repository of the Sum of All Human Knowledge! Okay, I don't have a lot of time, and you don't have a lot of time, so let's get right to it.<br /><br />Just kidding!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eayL4KABOIM1mnLU2wSENexMIUmjcseawGuSmmQ3IG8zmDhaqvtj8k3aqSiufNcGaFIwImsbspQpQe6TGEdappEb3NJewX-8IYDkdsQqWBA1hyphenhyphenQDAAmdNKJFpUtynlfwv73FkECRZ20/s1600/just+kidding.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5eayL4KABOIM1mnLU2wSENexMIUmjcseawGuSmmQ3IG8zmDhaqvtj8k3aqSiufNcGaFIwImsbspQpQe6TGEdappEb3NJewX-8IYDkdsQqWBA1hyphenhyphenQDAAmdNKJFpUtynlfwv73FkECRZ20/s320/just+kidding.jpeg" width="282" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Just kidding.)</div><br />I actually have tons of time because I don't really do anything. Sure, I'll do a little artisanal fathering now and again, and once in awhile I might get it it together to make a sandwich, but that's about it. Really, the only time my life gets even remotely complicated is when I try to hold a cup of coffee and my smartphone at the same time, which is why I'm very glad these guys are solving my one and only problem by inventing this:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/57148280?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br /><a href="http://vimeo.com/57148280">Uppercup - The first cupholder for the iPhone. Order yours now at: indiegogo.com/uppercup</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/natwerk">Natwerk</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br /><br />A reader recently forwarded me this invention, and while it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with bikes, it does have a lot to do with being really stupid, so I figure it's fair game. Also, I'd be very grateful if someone could explain this guy's pants to me:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWaUV0SRTPlTD57i78W_e4RFBuIrfTPC0vkXKHZmc40P5JQ1XuY4k1y86JuC57clVR_SOJeQZ7YWpBlW922X3WZE3HFT00NGstUmYsPVNItkMlGPnsPJ2-BAgyZ03KwrWourL-sMaK2bJv/s1600/pants.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWaUV0SRTPlTD57i78W_e4RFBuIrfTPC0vkXKHZmc40P5JQ1XuY4k1y86JuC57clVR_SOJeQZ7YWpBlW922X3WZE3HFT00NGstUmYsPVNItkMlGPnsPJ2-BAgyZ03KwrWourL-sMaK2bJv/s320/pants.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />They look like a stained glass window recreated in velvet.<br /><br />The inventors of the Uppercup are Frank and Reuben:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-2v5yOf0LGsd9JYkzs9STSz2xGX0fT8D50WhOv97K2ksuHSxiYLwOescsHJgBwQD3LPb0sN3GQ5qZf6qaBwNGlqancio_CXc2ad4oJmLtfjWk71l4WHXeLKzhYGDPQkiRYdV0yyMMI0P/s1600/frank+reuben.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-2v5yOf0LGsd9JYkzs9STSz2xGX0fT8D50WhOv97K2ksuHSxiYLwOescsHJgBwQD3LPb0sN3GQ5qZf6qaBwNGlqancio_CXc2ad4oJmLtfjWk71l4WHXeLKzhYGDPQkiRYdV0yyMMI0P/s320/frank+reuben.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />These are the guys who are going to make the ledge and very probably all other flat surfaces on which you might otherwise rest a cup of coffee obsolete, so remember their names. Just so you don't forget, that's Frank:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis3DbCrZcVz__Nwg1oPkop-tnE-GfZRVjP6t2ZLd_H9aAyaAHhYeMWMG_b034DE5Awd7txveXEOO9oP9uftrrHzFtOKgI2_gSn5NNUo9wInwYxtV23pkD_B6oHFMtTLIY6YkUNRO_Bqpn5/s1600/frank.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis3DbCrZcVz__Nwg1oPkop-tnE-GfZRVjP6t2ZLd_H9aAyaAHhYeMWMG_b034DE5Awd7txveXEOO9oP9uftrrHzFtOKgI2_gSn5NNUo9wInwYxtV23pkD_B6oHFMtTLIY6YkUNRO_Bqpn5/s320/frank.jpeg" width="298" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And Reuben:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWKquqN1p4qLsz5aNhKSlDoftn6lNff_hSP_heuCUX73nBGZuLSuP7OpCBkDJyk-eW32PtCatokHi27yveWQL9rs4xTx8Htl6AjcLpODXT6zB-kY9J7XC5NlYWviyEy7QcAipS1DtId35h/s1600/reuben.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWKquqN1p4qLsz5aNhKSlDoftn6lNff_hSP_heuCUX73nBGZuLSuP7OpCBkDJyk-eW32PtCatokHi27yveWQL9rs4xTx8Htl6AjcLpODXT6zB-kY9J7XC5NlYWviyEy7QcAipS1DtId35h/s320/reuben.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I'm thinking about maybe getting it together to make a sandwich a little later, except all I have in the fridge is caviar and duck fat.<br /><br />Anyway, be sure to invest in the Uppercut if you're too much of a "woosie" to simply rest your coffee on the hood of somebody's parked car.<br /><br />Also, in other reader-forwarded news, Mario Cipollini has gone into the ladies' clothing business, with predictable results:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjepeGbApA30iR7fecJDwvNlyw5APpZBagl_RrdXCwAodwLzniy0aXN0kU0vmx4clH7-JR0LQGrF8IBOfCbdp0fKcn6gXCy60EAlroneoLN1ukO_1FK8jQUNWXOge8jc3dqc8qAutRrrUnG/s1600/nipple.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjepeGbApA30iR7fecJDwvNlyw5APpZBagl_RrdXCwAodwLzniy0aXN0kU0vmx4clH7-JR0LQGrF8IBOfCbdp0fKcn6gXCy60EAlroneoLN1ukO_1FK8jQUNWXOge8jc3dqc8qAutRrrUnG/s320/nipple.jpeg" width="221" /></a></div><br />That top is called the "Nippollini."<br /><br />And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w">recumbents on ice</a>.<br /><br />Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and watch out for thin ice.<br /><br /><br />--Wildcat Rock Machine<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSmwV7fLQ5YcPqM3No8aMCQKJA1rfusM1wtFzQh6tzCtES4TJBklo2rcfs56NbqY67raSzxOt_bCeOvqgBkQR__APHEq6mn4dF0BWlQpEjmss-KY_QMXfYjHfNy6ooZlo2-MD3P3mGfrc/s1600/greg-lemond.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSmwV7fLQ5YcPqM3No8aMCQKJA1rfusM1wtFzQh6tzCtES4TJBklo2rcfs56NbqY67raSzxOt_bCeOvqgBkQR__APHEq6mn4dF0BWlQpEjmss-KY_QMXfYjHfNy6ooZlo2-MD3P3mGfrc/s1600/greg-lemond.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(The Bloomberg soda ban would put an end to the enormous beverages LeMond enjoyed throughout his career.)</div><br /><b>1) Greg LeMond appeared in an advertisement for which fast food chain?</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obAAf37gpsw&feature=player_embedded"><span style="color: red;">Taco Bell</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Arby's</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Long John Silver's</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Artie O'Sclerosis and Angie O'Plastie's Irish-American Burger Chalet</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhYqZvxLYytzOUCMjkfcdqVKjKnIAHyw4G3ngdOfITXW8McO379pq_UNTRRjP76xup5mMrFaC8yW_JAUWbVoqlC13SbilJ9XYK45A0BZba98y6o9FEi57nstxxiqSxgqF8V0eFRLgNthFz/s1600/cipo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhYqZvxLYytzOUCMjkfcdqVKjKnIAHyw4G3ngdOfITXW8McO379pq_UNTRRjP76xup5mMrFaC8yW_JAUWbVoqlC13SbilJ9XYK45A0BZba98y6o9FEi57nstxxiqSxgqF8V0eFRLgNthFz/s320/cipo.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Mario Cipollini's body is fluent in the language of love.)</div><br /><b>2) <i>Bicycling</i> recently analyzed the body language Lance Armstrong used during his interview with Oprah Winfrey. Which of the following behaviors was <i>not</i> included in the analysis?</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">"Inappropriate nodding"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">"Teeth-baring"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">"Jaw and neck tension"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.bicycling.com/news/pro-cycling/face-facts"><span style="color: red;">"Involuntary nipple secretions"</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQu_wAO3Bw7wIQPza-7BYdBmh7xXz0XG4F6S_QU29fZL_08jzx2A3Ai5gw_HKJFcCsbhHNeaQ3obpsagpmt3K_jIZF3C6VkQznIxWa7GF9Y5smjuygLYkzSqWI1wwq53MSjnzw4KRX-q1j/s1600/letle+viride.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQu_wAO3Bw7wIQPza-7BYdBmh7xXz0XG4F6S_QU29fZL_08jzx2A3Ai5gw_HKJFcCsbhHNeaQ3obpsagpmt3K_jIZF3C6VkQznIxWa7GF9Y5smjuygLYkzSqWI1wwq53MSjnzw4KRX-q1j/s320/letle+viride.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><b>3) Suspended pro cyclist Levi Leipheimer recently took part in:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">An alleycat</span></a><br />--<a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/levi-leipheimer-joins-in-unsanctioned-mountain-bike-event-despite-suspension_272200"><span style="color: red;">An unsanctioned mountain bike ride</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">A "Wolfpack Hustle"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">A game of "USADA Reasoned Decision beach volleyball" with fellow suspended riders Dave Zabriskie, George Hincapie, Michael Barry, Christian Vande Velde, and Tom Danielson</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCImdHK1hNjYseMAzEhRxTAfoa53cEJ1oP5lnFnKK6_XScLuxrnkDrnoNGLL0yEXNO-_71slyKSa8LcTyxyLZ63JgDhE7kn8LlvHLWPnJkdiP_BIRijLgjPk65OUR0Zo16285kFeH4T4/s1600/road+rage.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCImdHK1hNjYseMAzEhRxTAfoa53cEJ1oP5lnFnKK6_XScLuxrnkDrnoNGLL0yEXNO-_71slyKSa8LcTyxyLZ63JgDhE7kn8LlvHLWPnJkdiP_BIRijLgjPk65OUR0Zo16285kFeH4T4/s320/road+rage.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("Come on, I'm late for a stock photography shoot!")</div><br /><b>4) Drivers cover what percentage of US road spending?</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">100%</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">75%</span></a><br />--<a href="http://dc.streetsblog.org/2013/01/23/drivers-cover-just-51-percent-of-u-s-road-spending/"><span style="color: red;">50%</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">5%</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9UU4GTU6iXio7e_8oK3ZEmQNlHSk9rEWlmmW3nTG2LAg8B4InNOzmMrDsP1Xd3U96RO5GTPcA23WeR-3Iydq4p6t9Em5bPjjPJsJDdAV0U_9-yGv4mprpFK29gy0WB3L7uQpqPxfmzXC6/s1600/BradleyWigginsLegoPortrait.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9UU4GTU6iXio7e_8oK3ZEmQNlHSk9rEWlmmW3nTG2LAg8B4InNOzmMrDsP1Xd3U96RO5GTPcA23WeR-3Iydq4p6t9Em5bPjjPJsJDdAV0U_9-yGv4mprpFK29gy0WB3L7uQpqPxfmzXC6/s320/BradleyWigginsLegoPortrait.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><i>"Well that's a myth. I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong. In my whole reign [sic] really. I raced once against him in the Criterium International 2004, never at the Tour de France... um yeah so that was the only time really."</i><br /><div><br /></div><div><b>5) Bradley Wiggins does not remember racing against Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France.</b></div><div><br /></div><div>--<a href="http://www.skysports.com/video/inline/0,,16315_8158870,00.html"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a></div><div>--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a></div><div><br /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9UU4GTU6iXio7e_8oK3ZEmQNlHSk9rEWlmmW3nTG2LAg8B4InNOzmMrDsP1Xd3U96RO5GTPcA23WeR-3Iydq4p6t9Em5bPjjPJsJDdAV0U_9-yGv4mprpFK29gy0WB3L7uQpqPxfmzXC6/s1600/BradleyWigginsLegoPortrait.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9UU4GTU6iXio7e_8oK3ZEmQNlHSk9rEWlmmW3nTG2LAg8B4InNOzmMrDsP1Xd3U96RO5GTPcA23WeR-3Iydq4p6t9Em5bPjjPJsJDdAV0U_9-yGv4mprpFK29gy0WB3L7uQpqPxfmzXC6/s320/BradleyWigginsLegoPortrait.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>“That was the thing that upset me the most about 2009 and 2010. I thought, ‘you lying bastard.’ I can still remember going toe-to-toe with him, watching him and his body language. The man I saw at the top of Verbier in 2009 to the man I saw on the top of Ventoux two weeks later, it wasn’t the same bike rider. Watch the videos and see the way the guy was riding. I just don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth anymore."</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>6) Not only does Bradley Wiggins remember racing against Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, but he totally knew he was doping.</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/must-read-ferrari-says-armstrong-would-have-won-tour-without-epo_272569?utm_medium=whats-hot"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHw4k2pxD5j0rhkZkz3eQF0NQT4knes28sJSF18pnKeY2tQTsxKLPsCw3XF8SXG5msrXPr3CSmf2FqiEQuybZlkCNMGjRTo9NakWGb1MyDFHWmBhP6dP7fwRaJq4KASaKxzzmNp8NtQqHp/s1600/sextcaptain1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHw4k2pxD5j0rhkZkz3eQF0NQT4knes28sJSF18pnKeY2tQTsxKLPsCw3XF8SXG5msrXPr3CSmf2FqiEQuybZlkCNMGjRTo9NakWGb1MyDFHWmBhP6dP7fwRaJq4KASaKxzzmNp8NtQqHp/s320/sextcaptain1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Steampunk Garmin)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>7) Cyclists of the future will navigate cities by using:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Smartphones</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Sextants</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Robots</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/onepercent/2013/01/vibrating-navigator-cyclists.html?cmpid=RSS|NSNS|2012-GLOBAL|online-news"><span style="color: red;">Vibrators</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b>***Special Bret-Inspired Career Choice-Themed Bonus Question***</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC6wFGLD-4vJ5tivQ32iKwNqsxXxXiKwjGXEaiopGwsa4BF2Ilp7979oB2knhAiSo4k95aARRu4p71JI6cGLAkRbCF2-ATAFkGyUKzZtOjWWyZ_m13OVByBcIvHRow-29h83DHr9ZBZe6_/s1600/tridork-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC6wFGLD-4vJ5tivQ32iKwNqsxXxXiKwjGXEaiopGwsa4BF2Ilp7979oB2knhAiSo4k95aARRu4p71JI6cGLAkRbCF2-ATAFkGyUKzZtOjWWyZ_m13OVByBcIvHRow-29h83DHr9ZBZe6_/s1600/tridork-3.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Make a difference with a career in:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Auto mechanics</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDHz69Qn6-Qx6ACevy2dm5xoXxgt7iBsSTv55o1rPbpCWfwZSiuuWhHIjGhPUV-QTRfHv6FA_wEtTdCt4xqu5Zjwb0e-QJxfNEnmT3dcLyQQvySC6YQSAXD6qpU0I665f7Aq0QLFlr-CL4/s1600/biology.jpg"><span style="color: red;">Biology</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Air conditioner sales, service, installation, and repair</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTxA-xeR3_w"><span style="color: red;">Time travel</span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-24116256232553596792013-01-24T09:58:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.730-08:00Wurst Fajita Ever: Freeloaders of the World UniteIn yet another stunning pro cycling revelation, it appears that three-time Tour de France winner Greg LeMond may have been involved in a Taco Bell commercial during the height of his career:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/obAAf37gpsw" width="400"></iframe><br /><br />This was not long after <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kesemd5F6R0">Taco Bell introduced America to the fajita</a>, widely regarded as the EPO of ersatz Mexican food. "Think of it as a Mexican steak sandwich," Taco Bell explained helpfully in the commercial, leading to widespread fears that the fajita was going to steal jobs from hardworking American steak sandwiches. Nevertheless, the peloton embraced the fajita, and its use was widespread until 2008, when two Slipstream-Chipotle riders where killed in <a href="http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/R0DnUiuj-fq/Amgen+Tour+California+Stage+7/0Qq7i0SEnAT/David+Millar">a tragic Tour of California podium fart-and-fall</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh9XQeOWD4ui_b6FbYatWKZl8Nl3UwpaRbq6vcN_I69v10hNJKpTODtZcMW4mOeatAu20BAe2UhW_C2EKmhR9ThedgtitiJmuBOCLhOQFdBYREOWGs8LxPcJZxCunF1FCogpmzqDB387NU/s1600/Amgen+Tour+California+Stage+7+0Qq7i0SEnATl.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh9XQeOWD4ui_b6FbYatWKZl8Nl3UwpaRbq6vcN_I69v10hNJKpTODtZcMW4mOeatAu20BAe2UhW_C2EKmhR9ThedgtitiJmuBOCLhOQFdBYREOWGs8LxPcJZxCunF1FCogpmzqDB387NU/s320/Amgen+Tour+California+Stage+7+0Qq7i0SEnATl.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Since then, the UCI's "flatulence passport" has gone a long way towards reducing fajita use in the pro ranks, though a code of "omerta" still reigns, and the prevailing attitude in the peloton is still very much "Whoever smelt it, dealt it."<br /><br />Speaking of eating, <a href="http://www.bicycling.com/news/pro-cycling/ullrich-criticized-staying-silent-doping?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-Bicycling-_-Content-Story-_-ullrich-silent">Jan Ullrich still ain't talkin'</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5kGzKodwzEj_Eft0pM3rGLFa-H1h1MlWvNhP3ZT4wbTRUQiL6xAGmzwz_9VPPsqo3-998nnFW7IlqCVrGhSlsLdAPP9sYyUcJa5UNHZirv6rPKboGV3KfiNFiajV0vjjehyrxD99mER5/s1600/ullrich.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5kGzKodwzEj_Eft0pM3rGLFa-H1h1MlWvNhP3ZT4wbTRUQiL6xAGmzwz_9VPPsqo3-998nnFW7IlqCVrGhSlsLdAPP9sYyUcJa5UNHZirv6rPKboGV3KfiNFiajV0vjjehyrxD99mER5/s320/ullrich.jpeg" width="305" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Talk about a <i>rundfahrt! </i>Nobody put away the fajitas like Ullrich.)</div><br />He may break wind, but he's not breaking his silence:<br /><br /><br /><i>While Armstrong admitted his doping past in an interview with talk show host Oprah Winfrey earlier this month, Ullrich refuses to break his silence.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>"I will certainly not go Armstrong's way and speak in front of millions of people, even if some of them ask me repeatedly and perhaps expect to hear something," Ullrich told Focus magazine. "I live in the here and now and I am very happy." </i><br /><i><br /></i>Yeah, right. I give him two weeks before he's on German Oprah:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtSif9-4Q9QnluLpn5VVPFCVwuc5ODNWSGGnOzO8cGW9-fGMukWJ3hHwMTB5zQYqRygoY8T0oVAF_Wp9rcI921ufTVCGnKUxs61zJ6Nij9D6hIOgaxa44QbgQ-UqRuZ-A_IdpN37tZRZJ3/s1600/german+oprah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtSif9-4Q9QnluLpn5VVPFCVwuc5ODNWSGGnOzO8cGW9-fGMukWJ3hHwMTB5zQYqRygoY8T0oVAF_Wp9rcI921ufTVCGnKUxs61zJ6Nij9D6hIOgaxa44QbgQ-UqRuZ-A_IdpN37tZRZJ3/s320/german+oprah.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://nicoleisthenewblack.wordpress.com/tag/black-women-in-dirndl/">German Oprah</a> is way more fun than American Oprah.)</div><br /><br />Or maybe German Ellen:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIx9ehyphenhyphenY1LoQMRsQOkdDZdZDUu54Cj_L5fu9ewdut9-bbnqC_QVY5Nt1QJk8YS1hDCt9wKUMMhQ-wLS_mDsC-yJx8i436gUZD2nKMdaoD4ViBBlWKw0GO886UgwrcY14HO69qf2dQ5VDE/s1600/a_kiss_and_all_was_said.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIx9ehyphenhyphenY1LoQMRsQOkdDZdZDUu54Cj_L5fu9ewdut9-bbnqC_QVY5Nt1QJk8YS1hDCt9wKUMMhQ-wLS_mDsC-yJx8i436gUZD2nKMdaoD4ViBBlWKw0GO886UgwrcY14HO69qf2dQ5VDE/s1600/a_kiss_and_all_was_said.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(German Ellen is way more homoerotic than American Ellen.)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Or maybe even German "The View:"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFqLr9M4Mmn4GHf0VGRJNWiG5GMRLQeFYOOXc-r_RmRfTFgYeHDniAqFEqcT7fyZIWHZqOC56G0GfllPQ1lpN4xhXZXIV2Xts-jCXih3hYwtIguJvDC_jhwQYt9VmZfK_L_sdwP-gUai9f/s1600/pillowfight.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFqLr9M4Mmn4GHf0VGRJNWiG5GMRLQeFYOOXc-r_RmRfTFgYeHDniAqFEqcT7fyZIWHZqOC56G0GfllPQ1lpN4xhXZXIV2Xts-jCXih3hYwtIguJvDC_jhwQYt9VmZfK_L_sdwP-gUai9f/s320/pillowfight.jpeg" width="303" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(German "The View" is much less menopausal than American "The View.")</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Ullrich may already be a member of the clean plate club, but it may finally be time for him to join the clean conscience club.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKeyU53avl4m3XUdCe6Rc4jIBx8eEPo04AciGD1_Hhn24qaLgVZTdM7t-vPtxnEmgsNQAn_gUO04gq-b4uwObsE-NBE_8RNAIIS3Gs4fz1Gpbm9I6TgSI2PqMyMcA1t9IRNb9qJAO3q4yg/s1600/ullrich+eating.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKeyU53avl4m3XUdCe6Rc4jIBx8eEPo04AciGD1_Hhn24qaLgVZTdM7t-vPtxnEmgsNQAn_gUO04gq-b4uwObsE-NBE_8RNAIIS3Gs4fz1Gpbm9I6TgSI2PqMyMcA1t9IRNb9qJAO3q4yg/s320/ullrich+eating.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">("I'm eating my guilt in <i>wurst</i> form!")</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Speaking of gas, you know how some drivers think it's all right to run you off the road since they pay for it and you don't? Well, <a href="http://dc.streetsblog.org/2013/01/23/drivers-cover-just-51-percent-of-u-s-road-spending/">that's not exactly how it works</a>:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4JDejkgF8aJPAMUq60JT230YlMxYy477QB-10h_RVd63OXID35k9w_cA4d4EDx0CFnNs0_w0p__ONDJ2QDdzn5BzqkQEWfwLP5tn1MvS7IvW5uALJ7QqZKLhugZiSJMGlibgyuxwaFQoH/s1600/gas+tax.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4JDejkgF8aJPAMUq60JT230YlMxYy477QB-10h_RVd63OXID35k9w_cA4d4EDx0CFnNs0_w0p__ONDJ2QDdzn5BzqkQEWfwLP5tn1MvS7IvW5uALJ7QqZKLhugZiSJMGlibgyuxwaFQoH/s320/gas+tax.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;">Unfortunately it's far too difficult to convey all of this information during a roadside altercation in which words are at a premium, so if you're looking for effective shorthand just stick with calling the driver a "freeloading cocksucker." That should go a long way towards diffusing the situation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">By the way, a few days ago I was DRIVING MY CAR THAT I OWN (unlike David Byrne and exactly like the freeloading cocksucker that I am) and I was waiting at a red light. In front of me was a woman in a BMW, and in front of her was someone who didn't realize you could make a right turn on red at this particular intersection. First, the woman in the BMW started beeping like a lunatic. Then, the light finally turned green and she sped off, nearly hitting a very startled woman in the crosswalk who still had the "walk" signal. After that, she pursued and deliberately cut off the driver who had "delayed" her for what amounted to maybe nine seconds. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As it happened, moments later, the woman in the BMW and I ended up parking almost right next to each other. Sliding out the window of my General Lee replica, I then approached her and politely pointed out that she could have easily killed the woman in the crosswalk. The bullet points of her defense were as follows:</div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><ul><li>The woman she almost hit should not have been "standing in the middle of the street."</li><li>She herself was "Not from around here." (Her license plate said that she was from Connecticut, where presumably it is okay to run down pedestrians in crosswalks. I recommended she go back where she came from. She did not like that, even though it was good advice.)</li><li>Anyway, I should leave her alone because her kids were in the car. (Apparently they have the emotional fortitude to witness road rage and homicidal driving, but not neighborly concern.)</li><li>I should "Go to hell."</li></ul><div>With that, she slammed her car door and strode angrily into <a href="http://www.talbots.com/online/home_page.jsp">Talbots</a>:</div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbf8VWzECb_d5PQvSUB2iC1RbLMnByUTVudGic1u_mKAF2k-pwMHycVaTFEgKWGh_GInuQIYEDOemDoVm1r7ABACYK6kkVzD-w5RfnAMoeAL48nVaezldYslGCLVISDwhjlb-6rWqxsAdL/s1600/cardigans.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbf8VWzECb_d5PQvSUB2iC1RbLMnByUTVudGic1u_mKAF2k-pwMHycVaTFEgKWGh_GInuQIYEDOemDoVm1r7ABACYK6kkVzD-w5RfnAMoeAL48nVaezldYslGCLVISDwhjlb-6rWqxsAdL/s320/cardigans.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I guess I can't blame her for almost running somebody over, because that's a great fucking deal on some cardigans.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Anyway, if you're also flush with cardigan savings, you may want to take advantage of a unique investment opportunity to which I was recently alerted by the inventors:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/57309076?title=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="400"></iframe> <br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Basically, it appears to be a social networking bicycle app designed to transform unwitting victims into vampires. I was immediately suspicious when I met the head of "business development:"<br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNl5SfqTgdO6jYxTcp6hwJjia_53GSY1XpOu2FDtKegpLVTupY1cUoMvKMklFKqheqGV6T3vV4vWSvl3QQeOcsqx9A_XQIqxCtGk8iBoyN-mZIMQs3R09_wnhTrhnZUlTCiDRNBVMPM9S5/s1600/business+development.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNl5SfqTgdO6jYxTcp6hwJjia_53GSY1XpOu2FDtKegpLVTupY1cUoMvKMklFKqheqGV6T3vV4vWSvl3QQeOcsqx9A_XQIqxCtGk8iBoyN-mZIMQs3R09_wnhTrhnZUlTCiDRNBVMPM9S5/s320/business+development.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That guy is so a vampire. Anybody who wears a bowtie is a vampire.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Next, my suspicions were confirmed when the subject of the video rode down a flight of steps:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-OHcNtGqOmSX5Rk_0w7l7gdYOEFpqgbTk-A7VIIcouzB7LqcjXOt8OG2MJOnh-_9NNhS7WQOsSLrXmqMn8I-LrTa7WJWYo9TNuISmefVPGNrA6ioZKBhxn3t5vWyQSgL8pkz3XwzkIBaY/s1600/stairs.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-OHcNtGqOmSX5Rk_0w7l7gdYOEFpqgbTk-A7VIIcouzB7LqcjXOt8OG2MJOnh-_9NNhS7WQOsSLrXmqMn8I-LrTa7WJWYo9TNuISmefVPGNrA6ioZKBhxn3t5vWyQSgL8pkz3XwzkIBaY/s320/stairs.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And then encountered two figures standing before a mysterious statue:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY_QS4QF3kLiE6EXpZbjDQQYOVIfxhk9tZMxgra_F0xISWBDCP7ZgEV3o_mfkXnKEA8lJESaTUykGOGP1j0hmAKj5zb_NrX_c3K7AQaejm4VzGiZgM3L5MRFwkc8Ikj90pgyqAarHYI6J/s1600/what+is+that.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY_QS4QF3kLiE6EXpZbjDQQYOVIfxhk9tZMxgra_F0xISWBDCP7ZgEV3o_mfkXnKEA8lJESaTUykGOGP1j0hmAKj5zb_NrX_c3K7AQaejm4VzGiZgM3L5MRFwkc8Ikj90pgyqAarHYI6J/s320/what+is+that.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Who slowly turn, revealing the bloodlust in their eyes;</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vWEd6HEJxL81xoX_Ipg9d6WhsZSbeB6SOdlm_TStNNwuhjHcpc20TMN5E8t45Lu49-quIqkaNizZnBbr3Xtz3DKIlJ685TAOtmMYWWj1Gtqyii933tgTdxMLjzeOB7-4Hcdjd5OT0qlx/s1600/zombies.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1vWEd6HEJxL81xoX_Ipg9d6WhsZSbeB6SOdlm_TStNNwuhjHcpc20TMN5E8t45Lu49-quIqkaNizZnBbr3Xtz3DKIlJ685TAOtmMYWWj1Gtqyii933tgTdxMLjzeOB7-4Hcdjd5OT0qlx/s320/zombies.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />We don't actually see the attack, but this guy has obviously just been bitten and is now undergoing the process of vampirification:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglavQ5fMR24lxhB8PEwDKfLWTOw4XaEL-KwBUSC06h3Q5BhaEIKXkFj0R1uP4g5aJEc3q1eT3BHe7di9jzvAp3qaHzrKXcxpx0YRstwV3xnXj5mco0650F2etlVmkqot5E3K640S4BlMxJ/s1600/aftermath.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglavQ5fMR24lxhB8PEwDKfLWTOw4XaEL-KwBUSC06h3Q5BhaEIKXkFj0R1uP4g5aJEc3q1eT3BHe7di9jzvAp3qaHzrKXcxpx0YRstwV3xnXj5mco0650F2etlVmkqot5E3K640S4BlMxJ/s320/aftermath.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And this guy's not even trying:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd0qN6hB2-VuEX-z5HtCQc9sjGYO8sr_msHsdT18P95uJETBXswWQYdo5aaZhRxIoVyVZsuQNML7R-moDELQAE-51GilVI5cTUxUil3uoY-IMWWXg7R3OTWGDOjejrPrvl0TMX7Ol6M6rA/s1600/vampire.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd0qN6hB2-VuEX-z5HtCQc9sjGYO8sr_msHsdT18P95uJETBXswWQYdo5aaZhRxIoVyVZsuQNML7R-moDELQAE-51GilVI5cTUxUil3uoY-IMWWXg7R3OTWGDOjejrPrvl0TMX7Ol6M6rA/s320/vampire.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Invest at your own risk.<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-88938749335171012622013-01-23T08:54:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.758-08:00It's Wednesday! Everybody Back Into Bed!I don't necessarily believe in mindlessly adhering to rules, but there are a few that should be obeyed at all times. Never date a musician. Don't eat yellow snow. And, of course, never <i>ever</i> get a pro cycling-themed tattoo:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm3rx0KSSvbNoXG1aOwaYIzCUQf2L-Q3esrkwibV70adIxlv-dLChBony-9xkaJIj7wbdb-DRhXlP-Mz9mJv6MCmOiOmORAVoh1IVaVoTwl_WLZQmN1YiRIgicLYFo7QGu0EMgqSqXMAh/s1600/lance-tattoo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm3rx0KSSvbNoXG1aOwaYIzCUQf2L-Q3esrkwibV70adIxlv-dLChBony-9xkaJIj7wbdb-DRhXlP-Mz9mJv6MCmOiOmORAVoh1IVaVoTwl_WLZQmN1YiRIgicLYFo7QGu0EMgqSqXMAh/s320/lance-tattoo.jpeg" width="190" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I wonder if it was actually supposed to look like an undead zombie Armstrong, or if that's just the way it turned out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Oh, one more rule you should always follow, and it's so obvious that it hardly warrants mentioning:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR8p_JRuN7UFEvwVXPHCjFOxvVXtNE7zB-96fCOnXe_m4yyGXUG5oCEm3XrBDYsLckFf8x56ASu06uJhyphenhyphenfVtuZbXjBI6sSYRoja_21DuFyXloyJSJfyG4SR8nXWexgqtQhbCwkZ9kGovPn/s1600/clinger1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR8p_JRuN7UFEvwVXPHCjFOxvVXtNE7zB-96fCOnXe_m4yyGXUG5oCEm3XrBDYsLckFf8x56ASu06uJhyphenhyphenfVtuZbXjBI6sSYRoja_21DuFyXloyJSJfyG4SR8nXWexgqtQhbCwkZ9kGovPn/s320/clinger1.jpeg" width="256" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div>Still, I'll mention it anyway:<br /><br />Never join a team owned by Michael Ball.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ8BmkhTYP00bYuXSAtAdlJseSWREnIxLwLFXYOQRebIN604uUhssGIZVa4kAiO_f_srwLNEzYOoF86QHxkMgkf8qAgMpk8VmYLfpwE0Cn5LxKth3XnzEdFNb7Jhtyje12qmSyQvU7qes2/s1600/ball2-yeah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ8BmkhTYP00bYuXSAtAdlJseSWREnIxLwLFXYOQRebIN604uUhssGIZVa4kAiO_f_srwLNEzYOoF86QHxkMgkf8qAgMpk8VmYLfpwE0Cn5LxKth3XnzEdFNb7Jhtyje12qmSyQvU7qes2/s320/ball2-yeah.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Gotcha! See, I bet you thought I was going to say "Never get a tattoo on your face." Actually, getting a tattoo on your face isn't really a big deal, since it will be mostly gone <a href="http://bustedutah.com/city/2012/05/10/david-arthur-clinger/">by the time you're arrested</a>:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvJ35nRQt-RgCUyNV_6NfVvi2dDwAJ1WUw1b7cHAZxhD3Xq6XTM265IQUco4O_JJlhLNchJhksyvP8F7LW9ehHkrPpdPEfnWRgb1CyW87izEDOLqb6zYWdGyEalkrC_10zeHbvqWkJBJAt/s1600/wpid-david-arthur-clinger.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvJ35nRQt-RgCUyNV_6NfVvi2dDwAJ1WUw1b7cHAZxhD3Xq6XTM265IQUco4O_JJlhLNchJhksyvP8F7LW9ehHkrPpdPEfnWRgb1CyW87izEDOLqb6zYWdGyEalkrC_10zeHbvqWkJBJAt/s320/wpid-david-arthur-clinger.jpeg" width="256" /></a></div><div><br />American pro cycling makes the mafia look like a bookclub. It's stunning to think that actual companies put actual sponsorship money into it--or maybe it isn't, since <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/23/opinion/amgen-gets-a-gift-from-congress.html?_r=0">those companies are criminals too</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp3Xp6CgIk6rS23BzzHvjFZbdgGrGvG34eraHbxWKKw7SIGX__DlX-5xnG1voWEvr8e_qKct-m0wd971nYj_oyqs1RAHqSsZ7lTZxhD_-mD5rfBPE3JozXr1Eu-Rjhru32kXjjtKvYP1lm/s1600/amgen.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp3Xp6CgIk6rS23BzzHvjFZbdgGrGvG34eraHbxWKKw7SIGX__DlX-5xnG1voWEvr8e_qKct-m0wd971nYj_oyqs1RAHqSsZ7lTZxhD_-mD5rfBPE3JozXr1Eu-Rjhru32kXjjtKvYP1lm/s320/amgen.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(<a href="https://twitter.com/cyclingreporter/status/294074326062333952">Via @cyclingreporter</a>)</div><i><br /></i><i>Amgen’s strong influence prevailed even though it had pleaded guilty just weeks ago to marketing an anti-anemia drug illegally and agreed to pay criminal and civil penalties of $762 million, a record settlement for a biotechnology company.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>This dreadful episode is a classic example of the power of special interests to shape legislation and shows how hard it may be to carry out the reforms needed to cut health care costs.</i><br /><br />Whatever. I'm <i>sooo</i> psyched for the Amgen Tour of California! Let's take a look at that list of past winners:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzeySTHsM3vgYD8YCdOtP-YYVHLTcjGdBvZUk65M5cUKNUmodcuIrhchxXneKsr-QHLc3uhLqJ-YW50bFsOSXg0pSmnNGzcu9_llhTEnt6Jj6ki8_X-qx75e5mtpQyP99BCiQhTqA2MWco/s1600/toc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzeySTHsM3vgYD8YCdOtP-YYVHLTcjGdBvZUk65M5cUKNUmodcuIrhchxXneKsr-QHLc3uhLqJ-YW50bFsOSXg0pSmnNGzcu9_llhTEnt6Jj6ki8_X-qx75e5mtpQyP99BCiQhTqA2MWco/s1600/toc.jpeg" /></a></div><br />Hilarious.<br /><br />Meanwhile, pro cyclists are now doing all they can to prove how "clean" they are, and Thor Hushovd recently tweeted about his Tour Down Under post-stage meal:</div><div><blockquote class="twitter-tweet">Nothing is better then a plate of rice after a 180km stage. "I'm lovin it" <a href="http://t.co/2f601udd" title="http://instagr.am/p/UzU4jyoJ9X/">instagr.am/p/UzU4jyoJ9X/</a><br />— Thor Hushovd (@ThorHushovd) <a href="https://twitter.com/ThorHushovd/status/293840144245612544">January 22, 2013</a></blockquote><script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div><div><br />Yes, what could be cleaner than a plate of plain white rice that's bigger than your face?<br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjLttMSGz9VkfrWCmLDjX1vaaKB52XcnyAX1ELv-mdMla8UD5fTE1Hup6gLgA-XCKIQZpgSsaVtK1EKdk79mqzeB5oD6s-ra95J6sdfhF9TehC-8kZiEc3Av62yDAbho4_x9HfWNIPdDuU/s1600/rice.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjLttMSGz9VkfrWCmLDjX1vaaKB52XcnyAX1ELv-mdMla8UD5fTE1Hup6gLgA-XCKIQZpgSsaVtK1EKdk79mqzeB5oD6s-ra95J6sdfhF9TehC-8kZiEc3Av62yDAbho4_x9HfWNIPdDuU/s320/rice.jpeg" width="285" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Mmmm! Binding!)</div><div><br />Apparently Hushovd's goal is to not have a single bowel movement for the duration of the weeklong race.<br /><br />There <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/dekker-will-collaborate-with-dutch-anti-doping-agency">are some riders who are confessing though</a>:<br /><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2dwF7ANtrHzC9ouTpf8hXTj16fYP65q3TU-OWTdJMKXQ0C21RCnmndRBQSqhgMYVpbV2deY300BE_CaPBJuYXQBmG_vv1GxgeUM6ukY_6PncTz51Arr2u-ZBWUjvd2axlsKLubg_eJcu9/s1600/dekker.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2dwF7ANtrHzC9ouTpf8hXTj16fYP65q3TU-OWTdJMKXQ0C21RCnmndRBQSqhgMYVpbV2deY300BE_CaPBJuYXQBmG_vv1GxgeUM6ukY_6PncTz51Arr2u-ZBWUjvd2axlsKLubg_eJcu9/s320/dekker.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><i>Dekker said at the weekend that doping had been a “way of life” at Rabobank, with whom he raced from 2005 to 2008. He had previously ridden for Rabobank’s under-23 and junior teams.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>The Dutch bank withdrew from sponsorship at the end of the 2012 season due to the repeated revelations of the team’s doping past. In May of last year, former manager Theo De Rooy admitted that doping was tolerated on the team until the aftermath of the Michael Rasmussen affair in 2007, while at the weekend, NRC Handelsblad reported that the team had first initiated an organised doping programme during the 1996 Tour de France.</i><br /><br />But wait! I thought US Postal's doping program was the most sophisticated and comprehensive in history! Now you're telling me Rabobank had one too? Those Dutch are better at everything!<br /><br />Speaking of injustice, there's a chance <a href="http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20130123/fort-greene/david-byrne-face-off-with-design-commission-over-ft-greene-bike-racks">David Byrne's whimsically inconvenient bike racks at the Brooklyn Academy of Music may not be approved by the Public Design Commission</a>:<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik0BvVEjL3-NGkQ12e6f9vRqrNngAIvcOEQDlNj1Cv36389KkAgreP0Ta8MPqQNKN0MMhm5wLIBZJmMscFwiGR4EqsY1Jjd0XpVjQNwueSnRkavh7eAU0luuCTsxEuDoozZ821arq_yw-U/s1600/byrne+racks.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik0BvVEjL3-NGkQ12e6f9vRqrNngAIvcOEQDlNj1Cv36389KkAgreP0Ta8MPqQNKN0MMhm5wLIBZJmMscFwiGR4EqsY1Jjd0XpVjQNwueSnRkavh7eAU0luuCTsxEuDoozZ821arq_yw-U/s320/byrne+racks.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /><i>FORT GREENE —Alphabet-shaped bike racks designed by Talking Heads singer David Byrne may be on "the road to nowhere" unless they get approval from the city’s Public Design Commission.</i><br /><i>The racks, unveiled outside the Brooklyn Academy of Music in August 2012, can be altered to spell out words and phrases. The current words, chosen by Byrne, spell "Pink Crown" and "Micro Lip."</i><br /><br />Apparently, Byrne accepts criticism about as readily as he accepts the keys to a brand new car, which is to say that he doesn't:<br /><br /><br /><i>In 2008 they rejected two of Byrne's bike rack designs. One design, created in the shape of a liquor bottle, was “deemed to be in bad taste,” according to Byrne's online journal.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>In an online rant, the "Burning Down The House" singer called the Design Commission "gatekeepers," writing "I wonder how many emerging artists would have the patience for the form-filling, waiting, and political stupidity that is involved in going via the gatekeepers—not many, I would think."</i><br /><br />How dare they! It would be a tremendous blow to the creative culture of the New Brooklyn if these awkward racks were replaced with actual functional bike parking. Sure, it's a pain in the ass to have to lock your bike to the words "Micro Lip," but you have to understand that people are now paying over a million dollars to live in Brooklyn apartments, so it's absolutely crucial that everything they touch is special in some way. Plus, who doesn't enjoy it when design is incorporated into practical objects, even if it makes them vastly more difficult to use? In fact, I think David Byrne should move on from bike racks to urinals:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVjHdUvch_ve8KDyTNZfjJOSmQZhzf4U9xFfh_RIoiRoBQd_HzEuJ6PANsRygLoO271CGb2gn8Kgud-d5U_iV1on3vSYICDFQbCvjBPN9ZoqqisQlyFMsNpQxRUsbufpV4rXNd90kd318o/s1600/electric-hand-dryer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVjHdUvch_ve8KDyTNZfjJOSmQZhzf4U9xFfh_RIoiRoBQd_HzEuJ6PANsRygLoO271CGb2gn8Kgud-d5U_iV1on3vSYICDFQbCvjBPN9ZoqqisQlyFMsNpQxRUsbufpV4rXNd90kd318o/s1600/electric-hand-dryer.jpg" /></a></div><br />The David Byrne urinals look like inverted and repurposed hand dryers, because that's exactly what they are. Is it inconvenient to direct your urine stream into such a small opening? Yes. Is it frustrating to hit the "flush" button, only to have your urine blown right back onto you with a mighty burst of air? Also yes. But isn't it worth it to be a part of the artistic process?<br /><br />No. No it is not.<br /><br />Meanwhile, in other artisan news, <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/01/redundancy-interviewing-interviewer-and.html">I've mentioned before that "artisanal fathering" is the hot new trend in the survival of our species</a>, and here's <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324624404578255792399791294.html">a <i>Wall Street Journal</i> article that proves it in your face even harder</a>:<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha95PoGoMq1usBYNc7Wa-vr5CKui6fDDmtQQ0PPY5EzTocs0G5SwEAMBOBOvcvQyl3YTlhYcwEwf9CfiUJSGID5GlHEc9HJs9H5hwsUO4n2ZC2ocImPJCW_3etFiRjK11ui4kS0fXsilq4/s1600/artisanal+fathering.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha95PoGoMq1usBYNc7Wa-vr5CKui6fDDmtQQ0PPY5EzTocs0G5SwEAMBOBOvcvQyl3YTlhYcwEwf9CfiUJSGID5GlHEc9HJs9H5hwsUO4n2ZC2ocImPJCW_3etFiRjK11ui4kS0fXsilq4/s320/artisanal+fathering.jpeg" width="263" /></a></div><i>At-home dads aren't trying to be perfect moms, says a recent study in the Journal of Consumer Research. Instead, they take pride in letting their children take more risks on the playground, compared with their spouses. They tend to jettison daily routines in favor of spontaneous adventures with the kids. And many use technology or DIY skills to squeeze household budgets, or find shortcuts through projects and chores, says the study, based on interviews, observation of father-child outings and an analysis of thousands of pages of at-home dads' blogs and online commentary.</i><br /><br />You're damn right we do. For example, I'll often add a little excitement to our supermarket trips by stopping at an overpass on the way home so we can drop frozen chickens onto the windshields of passing cars. I also like to "use technology...to find shortcuts through projects and chores," which is another way of saying I don't do them and look at Internet pornography instead. Still, a lot of the stuff in this article is old hat to the seasoned artisanal father. Take this for example:<br /><br /><i>He takes pride in pushing the kids to solve problems for themselves. Recently, Mr. Grossbauer stood back and encouraged Finn to figure out how to fetch a ball he had tossed into a milk crate nailed to a tree, just out of reach. After 20 minutes of frustration, and begging his dad to get it, Finn found a stool and retrieved the ball—a lesson in self-control and perseverance, Mr. Grossbauer says.</i><br /><br />This is called "distracting the kid so you can drink," and it's the oldest trick in the book. Plus, clearly Mr. Grossbauer is an amateur, because I find that if you hide a favorite toy in the wall behind some sheetrock you can get through at least a six pack and half a season of "Breaking Bad" on Netflix. Not only that, but it also teaches the child important hammering and crying skills, which they'll use later when they're pursuing that poetry degree at Bard. As for the hole in the wall, mommy fixes that when she gets home--or at least I assume she does, because I'm passed out on the couch by then and when I wake up everything's all tidy again, and I'm even in a fresh diaper.<br /><br />Lastly, here's an iPhone hand-up:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZTzM0t7Jw_c" width="400"></iframe> <br />Nicely done.<br /><br /></div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-65022028645837572802013-01-22T08:45:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.750-08:00The Great Cover-Up: Dermal Revisionism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Generally speaking, I don't have time for regret, and I feel it's best to make a quick peace with your mistakes and move on. I mean, who <i>hasn't</i> had a few too many vodka Kool-Aids and shaved the cat? Nevertheless, I admit that recent events have caused me a small amount of regret with regard to my Lance Armstrong tattoo:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4wBd0UrT53L-f1b7fmDhhHYpPy-82Ba9sfAvwYpHW31v71zur5QuqmQoh9nPGf164C7WuH3PCP2fhZfduTmOisLjgEQx2Ls-LFA2hO5cjTUUxN8O0XYIn-T418XWHDayOAAxQpbt_UzM4/s1600/armstrong.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4wBd0UrT53L-f1b7fmDhhHYpPy-82Ba9sfAvwYpHW31v71zur5QuqmQoh9nPGf164C7WuH3PCP2fhZfduTmOisLjgEQx2Ls-LFA2hO5cjTUUxN8O0XYIn-T418XWHDayOAAxQpbt_UzM4/s320/armstrong.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>However, I'm pleased to report that after an "epic" sixteen-hour cover-up session I've now transformed it into something I can wear with dignity for the rest of my life:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR2qXNp1xH6LSZHJNIX1Lz4c6NJirO9XNkEN636aKRVxVww1dN8rl6YmCQB9HYh4ZiDa_3yEjFEIm7vkmu2Qs-7Wq2fxTt9pm3alpYyLz1pCPuld5E_S-6qWnag5fh1e1waDvGa-1FbRcY/s1600/lance-tat-makeover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR2qXNp1xH6LSZHJNIX1Lz4c6NJirO9XNkEN636aKRVxVww1dN8rl6YmCQB9HYh4ZiDa_3yEjFEIm7vkmu2Qs-7Wq2fxTt9pm3alpYyLz1pCPuld5E_S-6qWnag5fh1e1waDvGa-1FbRcY/s320/lance-tat-makeover.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Of course, quality ink like this is expensive, so it will probably be another few years until I save up enough money to cover up <a href="http://gallery.roadbikereview.com/data/roadbike/500/Session_3.jpg">that Rock Racing tattoo</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">By the way, the artist responsible for the Robs Halfords transformation is an esoteric character known as "BK Jimmy," whose other works include <a href="http://i35.tinypic.com/2enuyb8.gif">this</a>, <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjplwBx5m69Oc-AbecoFRbbYYRZwUjbE0hedCvBi0v9W-7GiuYgEGC1SJyNnSbjelAkQGMDKCtGDi2oqRUSdsDVZH3tTw-r054GThJuXWoIlpC53_EjAr9J4tgDSFhIG_lU8Cp838P0O8Hh/s400/BSNYC_Dura_Ace_2.jpg">this</a>, and even <a href="http://this./">this.</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But not <a href="http://www.bikerumor.com/2009/12/17/bikerumor-pic-of-the-day-push-hard-pull-harder-a-permanent-reminder/">this</a>:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_P4baHQExOXh0JdH4fD9nxncGvmWfM-ExXZcoVfiOHTjUSRZi5I1QbrJ3o0KQuX4nyI8NFQ6kHM-AUlXzSQyl4kMLTgLZNDBAVUQRGYGSmA3BU7-aEm-tC8MVr9DJLQsqCE9s4isby-an/s1600/pic-of-the-day-pushhard-pullharder-lucabarcellona.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_P4baHQExOXh0JdH4fD9nxncGvmWfM-ExXZcoVfiOHTjUSRZi5I1QbrJ3o0KQuX4nyI8NFQ6kHM-AUlXzSQyl4kMLTgLZNDBAVUQRGYGSmA3BU7-aEm-tC8MVr9DJLQsqCE9s4isby-an/s320/pic-of-the-day-pushhard-pullharder-lucabarcellona.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you've ever forgotten how to have sexual intercourse midway through you know how embarrassing that can be, and clearly this person is not about to let it happen again.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other Lance Armstrong news, as his mounting legal fees become increasingly burdensome, word is that he's seeking more affordable representation and has engaged the experts at Macks Solicitors. Here's their advertisement, as forwarded to me by a reader.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtN727qoaeni1DGYFNfgRwQxS16vpcIj6b_xe0FEnzeAcZKW9CV0IAPVxUQRqOH4sTMEKvCE0U7WXyMMM4wApqN_dpZncRXfy_fhm6YG-cvI4R1TZqn85YCv8iZ11jjTEJX3pRhRr3ynVJ/s1600/macks+solicitors.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtN727qoaeni1DGYFNfgRwQxS16vpcIj6b_xe0FEnzeAcZKW9CV0IAPVxUQRqOH4sTMEKvCE0U7WXyMMM4wApqN_dpZncRXfy_fhm6YG-cvI4R1TZqn85YCv8iZ11jjTEJX3pRhRr3ynVJ/s320/macks+solicitors.jpeg" width="85" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hit by a "lorry?" Crashed into a pedestrian in a "ZEH-bra crossing?" Crushed your "bollocks" on your "topping tube?" Then hire Macks! They have the Bret seal of quality, so you know they're good.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Speaking of Bret, his ubiquity has reached the point where I'm beginning to believe he's actually a vital clue in the universal Easter egg hunt for spiritual enlightenment. That's why I am now resolved to do whatever he tells me to do. If he tells me to hire Macks Solicitors, then I will hire Macks Solicitors. If he tells me to make a difference with a career in biology, I will make a difference with a career in biology:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDHz69Qn6-Qx6ACevy2dm5xoXxgt7iBsSTv55o1rPbpCWfwZSiuuWhHIjGhPUV-QTRfHv6FA_wEtTdCt4xqu5Zjwb0e-QJxfNEnmT3dcLyQQvySC6YQSAXD6qpU0I665f7Aq0QLFlr-CL4/s1600/biology.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDHz69Qn6-Qx6ACevy2dm5xoXxgt7iBsSTv55o1rPbpCWfwZSiuuWhHIjGhPUV-QTRfHv6FA_wEtTdCt4xqu5Zjwb0e-QJxfNEnmT3dcLyQQvySC6YQSAXD6qpU0I665f7Aq0QLFlr-CL4/s320/biology.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Spotted by another reader.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And if he tells me to strap a reflective armband around my diminutive bicep, you better believe I'm going to do that too:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmRvA8Qwd0d4eYPK9iQNzdWBdmvQvM1ImnWU_WK4V0CXDVg-DVYuP-RtIdC4vWL3cHamn9AsBK29-pV0Li5QMzT9F0uwHOT5mq73HSq9o247HFQQJo2vqrH81m6kOvlXgFv0nYTjwb-qLT/s1600/armband.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmRvA8Qwd0d4eYPK9iQNzdWBdmvQvM1ImnWU_WK4V0CXDVg-DVYuP-RtIdC4vWL3cHamn9AsBK29-pV0Li5QMzT9F0uwHOT5mq73HSq9o247HFQQJo2vqrH81m6kOvlXgFv0nYTjwb-qLT/s320/armband.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Spotted by <a href="http://erikkowalski.com/">Erik K</a>)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I was glad to see the package designers went so far as to add the armband to Brett:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruT0vY-GZF3PRoEFULmhGHUP637QR9uwMDOe9ufAnzPQt8APtypZbIi8Fl37OeOmmJv849P3bve7xYzwZtAJyLeUZpdl8FQffIJol3stUi7ggLqLQQGRzp868JTlTGIP66gE873sVT1mv/s1600/armband+detail.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhruT0vY-GZF3PRoEFULmhGHUP637QR9uwMDOe9ufAnzPQt8APtypZbIi8Fl37OeOmmJv849P3bve7xYzwZtAJyLeUZpdl8FQffIJol3stUi7ggLqLQQGRzp868JTlTGIP66gE873sVT1mv/s320/armband+detail.jpeg" width="206" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">However, I was dismayed that the phone on his arm doesn't have a picture of Bret wearing an armband with a phone with a picture of Bret wearing an armband with a phone with a picture of Bret wearing an armband with a phone with a picture of Bret wearing an armband with a phone with a picture of Bret I feel dizzy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><a href="http://i35.tinypic.com/2enuyb8.gif"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://i35.tinypic.com/2enuyb8.gif" style="cursor: hand; display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><br /><br />I also feel dizzy when I look at <a href="http://www.alexandrageorgedesign.com/2012/03/03/bike-snob/">this</a>:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJmont1Lv_saDGQeYYuMwqZpdncgkyj7SP_tH97FamP5EraLJHa4LTSDgfetOttpNQDt4gPbWwsE7Xd-jaafzDcShTGPDHa96XzY-gNXdjuAD6oObI5iGqinVxE6e6kH7PK-4kcs85x0f/s1600/bike+snob+lube.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaJmont1Lv_saDGQeYYuMwqZpdncgkyj7SP_tH97FamP5EraLJHa4LTSDgfetOttpNQDt4gPbWwsE7Xd-jaafzDcShTGPDHa96XzY-gNXdjuAD6oObI5iGqinVxE6e6kH7PK-4kcs85x0f/s320/bike+snob+lube.jpeg" width="320" /></a> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Please note that I have nothing whatsoever to do with this lube. I'm merely puzzled as to why someone would put a pennyfarthing on a chain lube container.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Because, like, not to get all tech-geek on you, but pennyfarthings don't have chains. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, the point is that I have accepted Bret as my Fredly shepherd through life, though it does suck to learn that he's doping:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsojhF4rAzUEY-BerdkzRVdgT9BcYwhlIWsPT-EawZf2Uae9zxZidnnhj-cmjq-5PlNWFNw8l9TTx5ZWGusNpsz7qZeK-qXntEyyCmsU4ztAMwm-VN7aIyrSHU54iZq_oOjq_IjICHtwB9/s1600/doping.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsojhF4rAzUEY-BerdkzRVdgT9BcYwhlIWsPT-EawZf2Uae9zxZidnnhj-cmjq-5PlNWFNw8l9TTx5ZWGusNpsz7qZeK-qXntEyyCmsU4ztAMwm-VN7aIyrSHU54iZq_oOjq_IjICHtwB9/s1600/doping.png" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Spotted by yet another reader.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other doping news, Levi Liepheimer, America's most adequate professional cyclist, has <a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/levi-leipheimer-joins-in-unsanctioned-mountain-bike-event-despite-suspension_272200">participated in an unsanctioned mountain bike ride despite currently serving a token suspension</a>:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVfmsTlw9CmSH3E_96Bu0XX6GxRS-EWfhNXpRiyGh8KNroO5v6SBcq_Fy66bcnfZqCplEgxFbVgzMRCMFsPTgS6xKRHm1pKuLkZvX_1weAAEZPm-b8HGy-kG9Boyf8C_Xriq2aYLwcagwL/s1600/leipheimer.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVfmsTlw9CmSH3E_96Bu0XX6GxRS-EWfhNXpRiyGh8KNroO5v6SBcq_Fy66bcnfZqCplEgxFbVgzMRCMFsPTgS6xKRHm1pKuLkZvX_1weAAEZPm-b8HGy-kG9Boyf8C_Xriq2aYLwcagwL/s320/leipheimer.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other words, he's done absolutely nothing wrong, which makes this story about as controversial as Leipheimer's riding style is dynamic.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Lastly, I was reading the <i>New York Times</i> Real Estate section recently because it is fucking hilarious (read <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/realestate/what-is-middle-class-in-manhattan.html?_r=0">this</a> if you don't believe me), where I learned about <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/22/nyregion/la-mancha-composer-promotes-homes-for-nice-people.html?ref=realestate">a New Jersey housing development for "nice" people</a>:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmf1uVmywBh3kC9AgVPqJNgFYH7bb1Bf4tb4ktCTU6rYBQbD724aimGoLrtZz8gpXYplEDx2KY8kBjBlsTZ-Fi3MZLcqWsaCR3-Dirkirm0OBhDE-fAC_dWmzu7YJQEw_sgUJtoKK_h02j/s1600/nice+people.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmf1uVmywBh3kC9AgVPqJNgFYH7bb1Bf4tb4ktCTU6rYBQbD724aimGoLrtZz8gpXYplEDx2KY8kBjBlsTZ-Fi3MZLcqWsaCR3-Dirkirm0OBhDE-fAC_dWmzu7YJQEw_sgUJtoKK_h02j/s320/nice+people.jpeg" width="298" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>Jackson Twenty-One is a plan long in development for an entirely new village of sorts in central New Jersey, with apartments and stores, a hotel and an Imax movie theater, surrounded by hundreds of acres of green space. It will have an eye toward creating a community for artists, and also, the developer insists, toward “nice” people. All in all, the proposal and its packaging are as idealistic, ambitious and delightfully unusual as the man behind it, the Tony Award-winning composer of “Man of La Mancha,” and the white-haired man from the commercials, Mr. Leigh.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Intrigued, I visited <a href="http://www.jacksontwentyone.com/">the website</a>, and despite the fact it's supposed to be an idyllic place for nice artsy people to traipse around I didn't see a single bicycle in any of the illustrations:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyezoNwR-ZvJQ97_hpVqzozGgrJc41TbIzvlCelvhbx1QbdOUgrjfJ1vYEe2QsW5Z40j5Pnob5w1GjFoVZ2GH8rJOhbaHCCsY2iJ5CJcoTLZLoNJPex3V1UkffY8KDXhS66J8CUd5s4l5v/s1600/cars.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyezoNwR-ZvJQ97_hpVqzozGgrJc41TbIzvlCelvhbx1QbdOUgrjfJ1vYEe2QsW5Z40j5Pnob5w1GjFoVZ2GH8rJOhbaHCCsY2iJ5CJcoTLZLoNJPex3V1UkffY8KDXhS66J8CUd5s4l5v/s320/cars.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Nice people my ass. This development sucks.</div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-11922181472027069942013-01-21T19:31:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.701-08:00White Bear & Loco Motion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">Photo courtesy of Joe Hurst.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf6Ay5Vvv_K6OD0slrm8NJv4qtJ5e2OthgdZOJkrnF8c94nkGSVw5diTGjB5Zl92ph6LWy3GC3r-MD9LYdHQc1MudzXgtamsTBGtGcL3sYiing9asLRnrSmA-eAVH4A7wP8UnnThm9FC1A/s1600/White-Bear-&-Loco-Motion-home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf6Ay5Vvv_K6OD0slrm8NJv4qtJ5e2OthgdZOJkrnF8c94nkGSVw5diTGjB5Zl92ph6LWy3GC3r-MD9LYdHQc1MudzXgtamsTBGtGcL3sYiing9asLRnrSmA-eAVH4A7wP8UnnThm9FC1A/s400/White-Bear-&-Loco-Motion-home.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"> Taken at Dick Allen's house upon their return from a cross country run. Arguably two of the best examples of the South Bay Chopper.</span></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf6Ay5Vvv_K6OD0slrm8NJv4qtJ5e2OthgdZOJkrnF8c94nkGSVw5diTGjB5Zl92ph6LWy3GC3r-MD9LYdHQc1MudzXgtamsTBGtGcL3sYiing9asLRnrSmA-eAVH4A7wP8UnnThm9FC1A/s1600/White-Bear-&-Loco-Motion-home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><i><br /></i></span></div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-31014083875814499162013-01-21T07:58:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.737-08:00This Just In: I'm Still Out But Here's Something Anyway!I'm still chamois deep in Martin Luther King, Jr. Day festivities, but if you're really bored <a href="http://www.bicycling.com/news/featured-stories/bike-snob-power-o">I just published something on the <i>Bicycling</i> website</a> so you can read that instead:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmwOL1EzMZsmwWwa4YRd7cPNTq3sd4BC3Ed6aGW4M5IojnC8Iw90DA5C3uJJ92jE8yoevGzqLUy4sicWdPMryKJFZF20WOIUHe-itC1FTGapgvNkYOfL8BYHugZEFeI8At29xvsBscKduY/s1600/bicycling.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmwOL1EzMZsmwWwa4YRd7cPNTq3sd4BC3Ed6aGW4M5IojnC8Iw90DA5C3uJJ92jE8yoevGzqLUy4sicWdPMryKJFZF20WOIUHe-itC1FTGapgvNkYOfL8BYHugZEFeI8At29xvsBscKduY/s320/bicycling.jpeg" width="291" /></a></div>That is all. I will see you tomorrow. I love you.<br /><br />Love,<br /><br />--Wildcat Rock Machine<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfB1R4M1oVmvfRLlcjkFdSp_IlHFte02Ww1ue8sFsrUsLUqJ4Koywge0O0RyF8iCyaJsKk_WZ_ettCgW4kyBJTeNyZtIhF1n8ZaYzLfQcopmVraXDryNdo6sN5YYqZIbcLJUHcrr4dZjo/s1600/RTMSapprove.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfB1R4M1oVmvfRLlcjkFdSp_IlHFte02Ww1ue8sFsrUsLUqJ4Koywge0O0RyF8iCyaJsKk_WZ_ettCgW4kyBJTeNyZtIhF1n8ZaYzLfQcopmVraXDryNdo6sN5YYqZIbcLJUHcrr4dZjo/s320/RTMSapprove.jpeg" width="236" /></a></div><br />PS: Scranus.obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-59911526780044077492013-01-18T09:17:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.747-08:00BSNYC Frideay Fun Quiz Long Weekend See You Tuesday Bye!Firstly, this blog will be CLOSED FOR BUSINESS on Monday, January 21st, because I am going to be busy as fuck honoring the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. by sculpting him in cheddar cheese. Well, actually the blog will be open for business in that you will be able to read it, it's just that I won't be typing any new words into it until <b>Tuesday, January 22nd</b>. So I'll see you then, and if you have a problem with that then you're a racist.<br /><br />Secondly, I missed the first few minutes of Oprah last night. So did he admit it or what?<br /><br />By the way, after a viewer alerted me to the Lance Armstrong interview countdown clock on OWN I opened a bottle of blended wine and tuned in to watch the seconds tick down:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeffa_z26tCJdrqAeu3tqp-JKLHr9chRfg0UhAkiRvp_NJWchJDx64FMGZtyDo-kRL-QFFfn8pUOo-11npljJNFaLhBm1aSXIO1uFwYiawT8G_az0WjeDbgLHPyebg-2Dtvt1YXju52Y/s1600/oprah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijeffa_z26tCJdrqAeu3tqp-JKLHr9chRfg0UhAkiRvp_NJWchJDx64FMGZtyDo-kRL-QFFfn8pUOo-11npljJNFaLhBm1aSXIO1uFwYiawT8G_az0WjeDbgLHPyebg-2Dtvt1YXju52Y/s320/oprah.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Nearly three hours later I was purple-teeth wine-drunk and crying, and the Armstrong interview hadn't even started yet. I then watched the interview, and then the re-broadcast of the interview that immediately followed, plus another six hours of OWN programming before finally going to bed sometime around sunrise. Such power and dignity Oprah has! This woman seized control of my heartstrings for like 12 hours and rode my emotions as expertly as a Mongol horseman controls his steed. Sure, I'm no longer a cycling fan, but I am now a proud OWN audience member and "O, The Oprah Magazine" subscriber for life--and I have the ink to prove it:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNBnIih20iA68kC11UijtNjS1-plQ7CnT6KFdQiCUfpyritBvrnK8NH7NEJMDOwXhj-sR5pgqZn4vULKW1edeti6ZzS_9NOjQpEFniIFO_7c2nIKiUP2nZsFAmJQ5lq6U7ZYZCQktw3g/s1600/OPRAH-TATTOO-02-1308882971.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNBnIih20iA68kC11UijtNjS1-plQ7CnT6KFdQiCUfpyritBvrnK8NH7NEJMDOwXhj-sR5pgqZn4vULKW1edeti6ZzS_9NOjQpEFniIFO_7c2nIKiUP2nZsFAmJQ5lq6U7ZYZCQktw3g/s320/OPRAH-TATTOO-02-1308882971.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />What's that French expression again? Ah, yes. <i><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/audio.php?file=chapea01&word=chapeau&text=%5Csha-%3Cspan%20class%3D%22unicode%22%3E%CB%88%3C%2Fspan%3Ep%C5%8D%2C%20sh%C9%99-%5C">Shampoo</a></i>, Oprah Winfrey. <i><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/audio.php?file=chapea01&word=chapeau&text=%5Csha-%3Cspan%20class%3D%22unicode%22%3E%CB%88%3C%2Fspan%3Ep%C5%8D%2C%20sh%C9%99-%5C">Shampoo</a></i>.<br /><br />As for Armstrong, we'll have to wait for part two to learn more about his motives, but I'm surprised he didn't try to <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/li_crash_liar_klyn_lifestyle_made_CKEovYraeWuzohFz0AjRXN">blame his actions on the "hipster lifestyle:"</a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW2H4VBWwi3zHbA7zewpq_k6X5ejeVoZBEzAEAoBfZMxiH7PcVbqPZn-IVvvY0FWD2zwU35PX-svDURgb_siTHxMimXILCwNbkXiC7m1YdPCjWmpxi_txGh1RK19TpvmLFYmfYJGqEBa8/s1600/hipster+lifestyle.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW2H4VBWwi3zHbA7zewpq_k6X5ejeVoZBEzAEAoBfZMxiH7PcVbqPZn-IVvvY0FWD2zwU35PX-svDURgb_siTHxMimXILCwNbkXiC7m1YdPCjWmpxi_txGh1RK19TpvmLFYmfYJGqEBa8/s320/hipster+lifestyle.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Evidently, being a hipster ultimately results in driving your parents' Mercedes into a house:<br /><br />“<i>The allure of Brooklyn was her boyfriend’s circle of friends and the hipster lifestyle that was going on at that period of time — the drinking, the drugging,” LoTurco added.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>The good-girl-turned-loft-dwelling-hipster was drunk when the car in which she was a passenger destroyed the home of a 96-year-old Huntington resident in May.</i><br /><br />I was quite surprised to read this in the <i>New York Post</i>. Previously they had led me to believe the pernicious effects of the "hipster lifestyle" involved bicycle riding, and that cyclists were terrorizing the city. Now apparently the problem is that hipsters are driving drunk. The <i>Post </i>had better be careful though, or else someone might get the idea that cars are more dangerous than bikes and that something should be done about it, and we can't have that. It would be as unthinkable as the RadioShack cycling team continuing to operate--which, amazingly, they are. They even <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/radioshack-reveals-new-jersey-for-new-season">picked a new jersey</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlCFETYH7Ter5Up4IjlYAjaCR2M7t60vnaoUIDz3lETj9pXPfOGJRuYIXsjdLcJk21PF_oRlA_mr6RwzTmv3DSKblAUJ0qK_pS39deWsFlXQIZAg_OF5VnJAhRwRycbXfN3S189D-Xezo/s1600/radioshack.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlCFETYH7Ter5Up4IjlYAjaCR2M7t60vnaoUIDz3lETj9pXPfOGJRuYIXsjdLcJk21PF_oRlA_mr6RwzTmv3DSKblAUJ0qK_pS39deWsFlXQIZAg_OF5VnJAhRwRycbXfN3S189D-Xezo/s320/radioshack.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Thank goodness for Nashbar discount codes.<br /><br />And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4">a cyclist on a rotating dais.</a><br /><br />Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and happy cheese sculpting.<br /><br /><br /><br />--Wildcat Rock Machine<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFq2e0KGRhVeEmtlDG38kx8OdFTbZ4oK0uvcBvRQPwRbxNwLT6glXkC3pqLD-z6J7mRVGiaxG27oWBopWTS0OCJcnfcOrt7VLx9qXJvCaDrIvMoulY9mcO9CVEBSf0q3WR9-_paghqJzU/s1600/wiggins+oasis.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFq2e0KGRhVeEmtlDG38kx8OdFTbZ4oK0uvcBvRQPwRbxNwLT6glXkC3pqLD-z6J7mRVGiaxG27oWBopWTS0OCJcnfcOrt7VLx9qXJvCaDrIvMoulY9mcO9CVEBSf0q3WR9-_paghqJzU/s320/wiggins+oasis.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">("Black Power!")</div><br /><b>1) According to Bradley Wiggins, the '90s is:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.sport.co.uk/cycling/wiggins-armstrong-confession-great-and-sad/96550/"><span style="color: red;">"Pretty much a write-off now."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"A musical wasteland, with the exception of Oasis."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"A flannel-clad nightmare."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"A cunt."</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5UZmJfbobNIbF2QgkJXjrMLRWARsg7B0wwbAhNCH7Gq7Bbm6gUxnONI9b22dMrfrSF7EMPs96bk0_wfEEwWzy-WnefS7NaN9fP_j1xIp7HZ-9jaWsmAhTlqQDHNE2gXVF0swy9getgdU/s1600/honda_gear_concept-8.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5UZmJfbobNIbF2QgkJXjrMLRWARsg7B0wwbAhNCH7Gq7Bbm6gUxnONI9b22dMrfrSF7EMPs96bk0_wfEEwWzy-WnefS7NaN9fP_j1xIp7HZ-9jaWsmAhTlqQDHNE2gXVF0swy9getgdU/s320/honda_gear_concept-8.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><b>2) This car is inspired by:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">A motorcycle</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.psfk.com/2013/01/honda-gear-concept-is-brands-return-to-cool.html"><span style="color: red;">A fixie</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">A velomobile</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">A suppository</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aAGYtoHEKl43emvyiJhOfjNrUp-llJaNGTwfdFS6EQd9GWxC7fl2vx9hyOn5py3Or-WkVTa1Ac359gTsiWILdb0HsJKcNrXBT8YhyBPm51hMplyWDF6TEBparZgaevTzRnxJC_Z7TS0/s1600/The_Walls_Are_Closing_In_by_CrazyontheInside.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aAGYtoHEKl43emvyiJhOfjNrUp-llJaNGTwfdFS6EQd9GWxC7fl2vx9hyOn5py3Or-WkVTa1Ac359gTsiWILdb0HsJKcNrXBT8YhyBPm51hMplyWDF6TEBparZgaevTzRnxJC_Z7TS0/s320/The_Walls_Are_Closing_In_by_CrazyontheInside.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/199/b/d/The_Walls_Are_Closing_In_by_CrazyontheInside.jpg">"Help! I'm trapped in a metaphor!"</a>)</div><br /><b>3) Fact or "Portlandia" plot: A Portland woman recently got stuck between two buildings and had to be rescued with soapy water.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/national/portland-woman-stuck-between-two-buildings-firefighters-cut-through-concrete-wall-to-free-her"><span style="color: red;">Fact</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Portlandia" plot</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi8vtFFo586AbyNsMgbQebf8NpShHS0bn0juoq-OSa2WGPNZeXrb4_3R7LRsfipfcOx_cU4RcWZSUZk-_QtuAsSlIHJo_JtcRvckLhxyWsLeGuUWR_BkSx4u9nPZMNRG3QisUJQ-YaD2o/s1600/polar-bear-slips-on-ice.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi8vtFFo586AbyNsMgbQebf8NpShHS0bn0juoq-OSa2WGPNZeXrb4_3R7LRsfipfcOx_cU4RcWZSUZk-_QtuAsSlIHJo_JtcRvckLhxyWsLeGuUWR_BkSx4u9nPZMNRG3QisUJQ-YaD2o/s320/polar-bear-slips-on-ice.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Wow, that polar bear sucks!)</div><br /><b>4) Fact or "Portlandia" plot: Water freezes in Portland and chaos ensues.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://bikeportland.org/2013/01/11/icy-roads-make-for-a-nerve-wracking-commute-plus-some-tips-81822#more-81822"><span style="color: red;">Fact</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Portlandia" plot</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBl2W-7M_93wJvyTGP2v1Bzw-776HWp6VKNEUk_ZBRYrd2M5xQYJJ3_YMc9J5l81CNFVMFHQ35avOtoSyLwR6fKmQ0oSjse1fnTg0x5OILXeG19JyeEoZqtSlVcAgNYfrTRtcbCGFMzX0/s1600/Gene_Parsons_Kindling.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBl2W-7M_93wJvyTGP2v1Bzw-776HWp6VKNEUk_ZBRYrd2M5xQYJJ3_YMc9J5l81CNFVMFHQ35avOtoSyLwR6fKmQ0oSjse1fnTg0x5OILXeG19JyeEoZqtSlVcAgNYfrTRtcbCGFMzX0/s320/Gene_Parsons_Kindling.jpeg" width="307" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Hipster.)</div><br /><b>5) "Kindling" is:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">A new energy fuel for cyclists</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">A wilderness-inspired Brooklyn restaurant where you cook your own food over a fire</span></a><br />--<a href="http://kindlingquarterly.com/"><span style="color: red;">A quarterly parenting journal for artisanal fathers</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">The new mass market bamboo commuter from Specialized</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimzEsrvGjffu5vHrtND5El4q-lXwRt5CKxW2o720TsezSRfpDG65zJmiqqirVHqB_CSRec-1q9T9fXHsAZHYqU53XQ5WL6LBt9mQxke9qLYZ9B5o1tJE5mc7i7XJ_Rxfm5cQqG12VjEMg/s1600/dr_martin_amis.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimzEsrvGjffu5vHrtND5El4q-lXwRt5CKxW2o720TsezSRfpDG65zJmiqqirVHqB_CSRec-1q9T9fXHsAZHYqU53XQ5WL6LBt9mQxke9qLYZ9B5o1tJE5mc7i7XJ_Rxfm5cQqG12VjEMg/s320/dr_martin_amis.jpeg" width="256" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Big. Tube. Now that's good spondee.)</div><br /><b>6) According to author and Brooklyn transplant Martin Amis, not only does his new borough have great spondee, but it's also:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.vulture.com/2012/07/in-conversation-martin-amis.html"><span style="color: red;">"So philoprogenitive"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Noxiously vituperative"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Like residing deep within the recesses of a vast vagina dentata"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"The balls"</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg23tHfrlLXtAYrnAGi4Uf5J4hTpeKC7GtntSnRvjLm9UfMRa_D91VTsvpegBVCqvbdTYiKcQQcVIwFKr1WECJoiZs1itXBvQVJHvBCNeZGxeZgXGDtyNZbyGviquL8fme4h5cMBetkWo/s1600/2woman_eating_bagel.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg23tHfrlLXtAYrnAGi4Uf5J4hTpeKC7GtntSnRvjLm9UfMRa_D91VTsvpegBVCqvbdTYiKcQQcVIwFKr1WECJoiZs1itXBvQVJHvBCNeZGxeZgXGDtyNZbyGviquL8fme4h5cMBetkWo/s320/2woman_eating_bagel.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><b>7) Missed Connection fill-in-the-blank:</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>To the girl eating a bagel I rode past you on my bike yesterday. We saw each other. I was wearing the ________________:</i></div><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Massive beard"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/3553611559.html"><span style="color: red;">"Colorfull beanie" [sic]</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Loepard-skin man-tights" [sic]</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT4_kK2bVS4"><span style="color: red;">"Imposing penis gourd"</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>***Special Bonus Sleep-Inducing Smugness Porn Video***</b></div><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/h_ztmI92Xzc" width="400"></iframe><br /><br /><br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-82912885855336713402013-01-17T09:36:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.756-08:00Decisions: Stuck Between A Wall And A Hard PlaceAre you one of those people who insists you're not going to watch Lance Armstrong bury his head in Oprah Winfrey's ample bosom and cry tonight? If so, I'm sure you have your reasons. Maybe you're like totally over this whole thing, as you've Tweeted repeatedly. Maybe you can't bear to watch your erstwhile hero dismantle his own myth. Or maybe you're one of the roughly two million Americans who experience uncontrollable seizures whenever Oprah says the word "homogenized," and even though this show has nothing to do about dairy products you don't want to take the risk.<br /><br />Well, whatever your reason, I'm here to help you find something else to watch during that 9pm time slot. Clearly competing networks are pulling out all the stops to compete with this confessional juggernaut, because there's a lot of great stuff on tonight. Here are my top recommendations, which I found by consulting <a href="http://www.tvguide.com/">TV Guide</a>, which incredibly continues to exist in the year 2013.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgH_goQPRGEHSvw-iWAbreCn9SS_BdodgHGhiek2Qx-shyUNEIvMVySsw3x16nugtD77xdjB0x4xzjoknOuDfCGw_X6EFM8JL2GZgVhXM0NwkI8OQy848AiSppLOvMGfTrkFqGsex6jhI/s1600/logo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgH_goQPRGEHSvw-iWAbreCn9SS_BdodgHGhiek2Qx-shyUNEIvMVySsw3x16nugtD77xdjB0x4xzjoknOuDfCGw_X6EFM8JL2GZgVhXM0NwkI8OQy848AiSppLOvMGfTrkFqGsex6jhI/s320/logo.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(We used to have to watch TVs like this, you little bastards don't know what hardship is.)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Actually, it turns out finding something to watch tonight is pretty much a no-brainer, because "Drumline" is on ABC Family tonight, and it's widely regarded as the "Citizen Kane" of family-friendly marching band movies:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiytJMyN4fwTpCg2fD9kEpDJtpACFLzVFQK4BbY6iYXAOwief_Q-RBP2NtQYMz4rsELvcz-p_ZU5spnxpOLHTKdS0wwsBKNo_-otB79sngRt_hHTdgSHUGBNh6tLqwaBLtxwb9ABdUL9oc/s1600/drumline-nick-cannon-orlando-jones-full-screen-dvd-168a7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiytJMyN4fwTpCg2fD9kEpDJtpACFLzVFQK4BbY6iYXAOwief_Q-RBP2NtQYMz4rsELvcz-p_ZU5spnxpOLHTKdS0wwsBKNo_-otB79sngRt_hHTdgSHUGBNh6tLqwaBLtxwb9ABdUL9oc/s320/drumline-nick-cannon-orlando-jones-full-screen-dvd-168a7.jpeg" width="224" /></a></div><br /><br />Here's how <a href="http://movies.tvguide.com/drumline/136190">TV Guide describes it</a>:<br /><br /><i>Who knew marching bands could be so sexy? This handsomely mounted production, set in the flamboyant, highly competitive world of show-style university marching bands (think of it as BRING IT ON's even funkier brother), may be a standard coming-of-age drama at heart. But the fantastically edited scenes of battling bands in action are guaranteed to set your heart racing. Devon Miles (Nick Cannon), an extraordinarily talented young drummer from New York City's Harlem, has a way with the sticks that's won him a scholarship to Atlanta A&T, a large Southern university with a predominantly black student body and a first-rate marching band. First-rate, but not first-place; t...</i><br /><br />Notice the description just sort of trails off into ellipsis, which I assume represents the drool that will trickle out of your mouth as you fall asleep halfway through. Still, you'd have to be fucking idiot not to watch "Drumline" tonight instead of the Oprah interview--or would you? Because if you like animals and Maine, you're not going to want to miss <a href="http://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/north-woods-law-on-the-hunt/374847">"North Woods Law" on Animal Planet</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj43QeZilPY1owOno6oSqmNo6qiXOd0O_1XeWR2OawgoOILd4O71u-f9i0W7l66K5bLuWc-yKk_ie8bo_W06-8NzqeatSA6iX7fCUMRivXSTHIg5nB6PJ3WVsLSYrwTBirNTE0YI27XueI/s1600/MAINE_WARDEN_BANQUET_2012_014_7572409.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj43QeZilPY1owOno6oSqmNo6qiXOd0O_1XeWR2OawgoOILd4O71u-f9i0W7l66K5bLuWc-yKk_ie8bo_W06-8NzqeatSA6iX7fCUMRivXSTHIg5nB6PJ3WVsLSYrwTBirNTE0YI27XueI/s320/MAINE_WARDEN_BANQUET_2012_014_7572409.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Maine totally stole those outfits from Canada.)</div><br /><i>Enhanced episodes of a series following Maine game wardens as they patrol the Pine Tree State during hunting season.</i><br /><br />Tonight's episode is a NEW one called "Maine Freeze," in which "a nighttime snowmobile accident requires immediate attention; and a warden is on the lookout for coyote poachers."<br /><br />Was a coyote actually joyriding in a snowmobile, and if so how wasted was he? You'll have to tune in to find out.<br /><br />And while this whole Armstrong thing is certainly a soap opera, true aficionados of the genre prefer the classics, and tonight <a href="http://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/general-hospital/195503">there's a NEW episode of "General Hospital" on the Soap channel</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw7JZ9DBOg7y60yV40mIlZODJzoCigToqSs4Ju1PmHkupQZ68u6W80GSoJ6yLk6ZHyZEQvpJ_05n_E0ibbaP0x33ajJPRJ81bYJUAiQNk_5nCPuzuOQEFQMXIzOaWU2KdxPv5WPYfL9y0/s1600/whichghmale.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw7JZ9DBOg7y60yV40mIlZODJzoCigToqSs4Ju1PmHkupQZ68u6W80GSoJ6yLk6ZHyZEQvpJ_05n_E0ibbaP0x33ajJPRJ81bYJUAiQNk_5nCPuzuOQEFQMXIzOaWU2KdxPv5WPYfL9y0/s1600/whichghmale.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(If there's a balding one who's pretty good at cooking eggs, I'm that one.)</div><br /><i>What will happen when Britt presses Patrick a little too hard about the status of their relationship? Todd comes up with a new plan to secure his future. Lucy runs into a familiar face. Will they be friend or foe?</i><br /><br />After roughly 400 years on the air the producers of "General Hospital" are clearly asleep at the wheel, because if they weren't they'd have gotten Mario Cipollini to join the cast years ago.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlzhmRDFpckMpJmZM7wB7jDMukVZJJS0qQAg7jnxBuvfycSW9zTCssshUuPcOorEXBIoYVJIBycvg8gsTu_Dmik34z4o_yINCf_4Q3hKp2R78YjObmElBHKcEnq3FDwxq53lRX-35u5Y/s1600/mario-cipollini.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlzhmRDFpckMpJmZM7wB7jDMukVZJJS0qQAg7jnxBuvfycSW9zTCssshUuPcOorEXBIoYVJIBycvg8gsTu_Dmik34z4o_yINCf_4Q3hKp2R78YjObmElBHKcEnq3FDwxq53lRX-35u5Y/s320/mario-cipollini.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Nine months after a sexy new stranger visits Port Charles, hundreds of women mysteriously give birth to extremely unctuous children.)</div><br />I'd offer some additional recommendations, but I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach about paying for cable. Still, I'll be watching the Oprah interview, but only because I have it on good authority that Armstrong and Oprah spend part two in a pup tent talking to Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston on a Ouija board.<br /><br />Of course, the other option is to just turn off the TV altogether. Read a book! Spend time with family! Or, if you're from Portland, remind people that you don't even own a TV! Speaking of Portland, while it may have taken on the role of America's Candyland in the popular imagination, the truth is that life can get pretty real out there. In fact, a reader tells me <a href="http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/national/portland-woman-stuck-between-two-buildings-firefighters-cut-through-concrete-wall-to-free-her">a Portland woman recently fell between two buildings and firefighters had to extract her with soapy water</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_falpd57uR3I7xqvuWF4JRYxFuUXI5lCQyMElINO3W8fRVy8H3SUd27TdVebsinfsJp-34770u4LkIytpKRcOouTAcaaApAGNT3EppTiLyiEaJs2MkZlAGPRTX8aEjiNDD6EB1fS7NE/s1600/portland+rescue.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_falpd57uR3I7xqvuWF4JRYxFuUXI5lCQyMElINO3W8fRVy8H3SUd27TdVebsinfsJp-34770u4LkIytpKRcOouTAcaaApAGNT3EppTiLyiEaJs2MkZlAGPRTX8aEjiNDD6EB1fS7NE/s320/portland+rescue.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><i>PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) -- Portland firefighters cut a hole through concrete and used an air bag and a soapy lubricant to free an Oregon woman who fell part of the way down a 20-foot wall and got herself stuck between two buildings Wednesday morning.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>The woman spent about four hours in a space 8 to 10 inches wide before rescuers managed to free her as television cameras filmed much of the effort.</i><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Insert your own New York City apartment joke here.)</div><br /><br />Police still don't know how she wound up in her predicament in the first place, but they're operating on the theory that she wanted some actual wall experience to bring more realism to her miming performances. Despite the successful rescue, the Portland cycling community is outraged that bicycles were not utilized in any way by the first responders. For this reason, there will be a Stuck-Between-Two-Walls Theme Ride this coming Sunday during which one lucky rider will be wedged between the same two walls and then extracted with a modified bakfiets "pump-and-pull" bike. Participants are encouraged to bring their own Dr. Bronner's.<br /><br />By the way, Portlanders had better watch out, because a reader informs me that <a href="http://wheels.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/16/anti-auto-show-focusing-on-alternative-transportation/?emc=eta1">Detroit is right on Portland's wheel in the creative smugness race</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8fHk5Hsk2FAqRECQASi9XOSs2LNL85dsNBEsCAewPF6RKpu7ODMZU1QKqHWrbhKN56ELKisyM7C3T3CZw-H1Jfj8xg44WujDiAN_-wp6_ktHkKRvMtmkpysKHF8YB2mPxRcquuldOjA/s1600/anti-auto+show.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8fHk5Hsk2FAqRECQASi9XOSs2LNL85dsNBEsCAewPF6RKpu7ODMZU1QKqHWrbhKN56ELKisyM7C3T3CZw-H1Jfj8xg44WujDiAN_-wp6_ktHkKRvMtmkpysKHF8YB2mPxRcquuldOjA/s320/anti-auto+show.jpeg" width="235" /></a></div><br /><br /><i>The work explores the nuances of mobility. The artist One DR contributed a skateboard painted with flying saucers in outer space. Vito Valdez’s oil painting depicts a buffalo crossing a railroad track as a small dinosaur looms in the background. Mavis Farr uses crushed vintage metal mini cars for her necklaces. “It’s about the auto industry’s absentee parent relationship with Detroit, and also about the mining, manufacture, sales and eventual discarding and decay of metals and gemstones,” Ms. Farr wrote in her artist statement.</i><br /><i><br /></i>The centerpiece of the show will be a giant empty room, in which the organizers will exhibit The Car That David Byrne Does Not Own.<br /><br />Speaking of the future of mobility, I have now seen it, thanks to this video that was sent to me by still another reader:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/M0i8M4UWjZU" width="400"></iframe> <br /><br /><br />I've long been searching for a bicycle that will awaken the pretty young girl in me, and I think I may finally have found it:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit3va72ATfCcjb3Yhyphenhyphena1UY_Q4Z5Q9v9PQSckKQz9cwGtzqWEKA36KOkMIuAfGqTOghHn5WgzjMAmInD_TpKf_5tUiRPqAb-318HOekCFPyCq5XM-y7N0tGUTsRse9MR7wiYP4UU6oVxYw/s1600/pretty+girl.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit3va72ATfCcjb3Yhyphenhyphena1UY_Q4Z5Q9v9PQSckKQz9cwGtzqWEKA36KOkMIuAfGqTOghHn5WgzjMAmInD_TpKf_5tUiRPqAb-318HOekCFPyCq5XM-y7N0tGUTsRse9MR7wiYP4UU6oVxYw/s320/pretty+girl.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />In turn, I may also have found mutual joy:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiKofn4yCQ88-tmiwHB2ipQqjHnEL17KaD5qqqXzZKLHZ9N6s4pTpLKG7GMI2UJBYJeRR_oymD7Pumkq0w5cUkiCq2U-SFsmuwdpDIFpV1MnRo3aVEqOLdPARUT9Lpkro5ZK107zAyWHY/s1600/mutual+joy.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiKofn4yCQ88-tmiwHB2ipQqjHnEL17KaD5qqqXzZKLHZ9N6s4pTpLKG7GMI2UJBYJeRR_oymD7Pumkq0w5cUkiCq2U-SFsmuwdpDIFpV1MnRo3aVEqOLdPARUT9Lpkro5ZK107zAyWHY/s320/mutual+joy.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />Here is mutual joy:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgemdLX8jAgl0ymuvSKpyEbNAxvTb8gBp8566FnGpW0A4N4wzSjtarSi4ye_v5VYDyy98hFFAT5rHxbhIiyzLX71qA6TClEk85onEVOb16F751EgpfcoZ7xm7WF-GJmC5MQtE4LWXJYe0/s1600/mutual+joy+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgemdLX8jAgl0ymuvSKpyEbNAxvTb8gBp8566FnGpW0A4N4wzSjtarSi4ye_v5VYDyy98hFFAT5rHxbhIiyzLX71qA6TClEk85onEVOb16F751EgpfcoZ7xm7WF-GJmC5MQtE4LWXJYe0/s320/mutual+joy+1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And here is the mutual joy of passing two losers on "normal" bikes:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiniphoqRREqrjdCOgxK_51ZZkdEw2GxbmhKQCULz0iGIOOre2PH78dBEk0KkqN1w0IOrfSocI9aT-CDvHLDx2ryIwWli0gyHj_70JG098LcnTwusDP2EuapU3K95kh9YEEr3afmcj4N_k/s1600/losers.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiniphoqRREqrjdCOgxK_51ZZkdEw2GxbmhKQCULz0iGIOOre2PH78dBEk0KkqN1w0IOrfSocI9aT-CDvHLDx2ryIwWli0gyHj_70JG098LcnTwusDP2EuapU3K95kh9YEEr3afmcj4N_k/s320/losers.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />It seems they have it backwards and the people on the normal human-powered bikes should be fit and wearing Lycra, while the people on the electric bikes should be out of shape and wearing street clothes, but what do I know?<br /><br />Either way, beating losers up hills creates mutual joy and strengthens relationships:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhQY3gtBcmiJfP0TXXF7W1DxooYHuAR5eGLfhCzDYyTmeOkN9BX1FoN_LG2xqGojGqga7FQaHupMEDoJgjnZPV9Mj4rKcwz3nEVIITvr1whTBXnA3uiZ8F8wXhGRmXkE0iam-pkWAWkk/s1600/love.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhQY3gtBcmiJfP0TXXF7W1DxooYHuAR5eGLfhCzDYyTmeOkN9BX1FoN_LG2xqGojGqga7FQaHupMEDoJgjnZPV9Mj4rKcwz3nEVIITvr1whTBXnA3uiZ8F8wXhGRmXkE0iam-pkWAWkk/s320/love.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I'll take two:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUUlxCJSqo0pDeBMyrNw2MBD3xnWmXFdwX7p6r4KIWEWk1DHikkI38731UY82a40RBeWw_XqD2_VY7OTOT60MP9Jrrpsw0dYsN-OrrflhaGSl8TqMNPIEGO31rjKWop2vGKJ87I-qOqCs/s1600/new+fashion.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUUlxCJSqo0pDeBMyrNw2MBD3xnWmXFdwX7p6r4KIWEWk1DHikkI38731UY82a40RBeWw_XqD2_VY7OTOT60MP9Jrrpsw0dYsN-OrrflhaGSl8TqMNPIEGO31rjKWop2vGKJ87I-qOqCs/s320/new+fashion.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Or else I'll just get a Volagi with an electrical assist, spotted by a reader in San Francisco:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhHWB45uculiC0hzrztFfgR5Yql4DXgzJE1Jm80t7kXhl9f8FQxix0gowPpMX6htphHYuhPGQjMycmLRVuJcvEOxZ0QrDP9-3zfUSoBGbpNs10ErK7oT4OmFyBJq4IW53IhBNoQzs8LE/s1600/volagi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibhHWB45uculiC0hzrztFfgR5Yql4DXgzJE1Jm80t7kXhl9f8FQxix0gowPpMX6htphHYuhPGQjMycmLRVuJcvEOxZ0QrDP9-3zfUSoBGbpNs10ErK7oT4OmFyBJq4IW53IhBNoQzs8LE/s320/volagi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />You need that extra power to escape the wrath of Mike Sinyard.<br /><br />Lastly, still yet another reader tells me that if you're bike got stolen in Ireland recently it may have been <a href="http://lost.ie/sporting-goods/sports-equipment/i-may-have-stolen-your-bike">this guy</a>:<br /><br /><b><i>I may have stolen your bike</i></b><br /><i> </i><br /><i>Posted on January 13, 2013</i><br /><i><br /></i><b><i>Description</i></b><br /><i><br /></i><i>Ok, so I was really drunk Friday (11/1/13) and woke up yesterday morning to find a bike outside my house. I don't know how it got there. Maybe I stole it, maybe I bought it, maybe I won it in a dance off. I just don't know. I don't usually do things like that and would love to return it to its owner. But there's where things get hard. I have no idea where I got this bike from. I remember being in Industry nightclub in Temple Bar, Dublin and I woke up this morning in my house in Phibsboro. Total blackout. So maybe I took from somewhere in between those two places but to be honest I could have been in Armagh last night for all I know. Anyway, it's a blue men's bike. That's all I can say as the owner will have to be able to describe it to me to get it back. Email me at iamverysorry@hushmail.com if you think it's yours. This is not a joke, I really want to give this bike back. I'm not a scumbag. Oh, and I lost my wallet. If anyone's found one let me know. I know, I'd really want to sort my life out.</i><br /><br />Honestly, who hasn't gotten drunk and ridden home on a stolen bike?<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-19113261183659697512013-01-16T08:50:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.725-08:00It Rubs The Wednesday On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As everybody knows, the Big C (that's C for "confession") with the Big O is now a two-night event, and I'm already cringing in advance:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjOgzJmJjo4iKiamkuJmgfrJM9XA51Dv8gFuOLeo1rtppicdTM0zCSRx5NBWkhgyKPro10v7D8jIAmMQtLdclBspfwJcEW90V6MeyKwaKN3MJTM415mmSwMzNxFKEioA6FJzgSIQwvEA/s1600/oprah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjOgzJmJjo4iKiamkuJmgfrJM9XA51Dv8gFuOLeo1rtppicdTM0zCSRx5NBWkhgyKPro10v7D8jIAmMQtLdclBspfwJcEW90V6MeyKwaKN3MJTM415mmSwMzNxFKEioA6FJzgSIQwvEA/s1600/oprah.jpeg" /></a></div><br />As I understand it, the first night will focus on the confession itself, and the second night will be sort of a light-hearted free-form riff session intercut with outtakes and bloopers (Oprah tends to giggle whenever she hears the word "testicles") which will culminate in the announcement that Armstrong will become Oprah's new co-host.<br /><br />Then, their first guest will be Bill Maher, with whom they will discuss the difference between "pedal" and "peddle:"<br /><br /><blockquote class="twitter-tweet">Let us not forget as the sad <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23LanceArmstrong">#LanceArmstrong</a> drama unfolds that no one in history has ever given a shit about watching someone peddle a bike<br />— Bill Maher (@billmaher) <a data-datetime="2013-01-16T04:23:54+00:00" href="https://twitter.com/billmaher/status/291400358612316161">January 16, 2013</a></blockquote>Apparently he's been reading too many <i>New York Post</i> articles.<br /><br />Meanwhile, the professional cycling world continues to back away nervously from the whole clusterfuck, and few people have more interest in distancing themselves than <a href="http://www.sport.co.uk/cycling/wiggins-armstrong-confession-great-and-sad/96550/">reigning Tour de France champion Bradley "Stanley" Wiggins</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgti9Ks4uQ6dTUHYH2QhyyGkmT2k2VyPb779j6SVig2_HV3MVzV0blNjABEsU9_Oa8BFmQJiolyc4zCW78Jjbfha0Bp1uDKwxpZJYyyF_lpeF2kUC3MSCgojboY0RNag9mFk7YsuO5D5CE/s1600/wiggins.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgti9Ks4uQ6dTUHYH2QhyyGkmT2k2VyPb779j6SVig2_HV3MVzV0blNjABEsU9_Oa8BFmQJiolyc4zCW78Jjbfha0Bp1uDKwxpZJYyyF_lpeF2kUC3MSCgojboY0RNag9mFk7YsuO5D5CE/s320/wiggins.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />In fact, Bradley wants to discard the entire 1990s like an empty <i>bidon</i>:<br /><br /><i>"The 90s are pretty much a write-off now."</i><br /><br />I'm shocked to hear this from Wiggins, of all people. He embodies the '90s! Doesn't he realize that if you write off that decade you no longer have Oasis?<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FYOGOyt5m8U" width="400"></iframe> <br /><br />Without Oasis there is no Wiggins hair, and without Wiggins hair there is no Wiggins.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0HnIt7Rvy6MFLe147hyphenhyphenrkyuX3YeT61wHNrlgJH8fGlZhKAfZ0CtUNfHsWE6BTjMglPeLv0NDZGZUjXu7hY7hbpUVeZpUSS01kiajdNRoUVvyALqGrkNkiWgwwTmSKpyDEpdwyAvKpgeg/s1600/Liam+Gallagher+Bradley+Wiggins+GQ+awards.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0HnIt7Rvy6MFLe147hyphenhyphenrkyuX3YeT61wHNrlgJH8fGlZhKAfZ0CtUNfHsWE6BTjMglPeLv0NDZGZUjXu7hY7hbpUVeZpUSS01kiajdNRoUVvyALqGrkNkiWgwwTmSKpyDEpdwyAvKpgeg/s320/Liam+Gallagher+Bradley+Wiggins+GQ+awards.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Wiggins with Pat Benatar)</div><br />Then of course there was <a href="http://www.skysports.com/video/inline/0,,16315_8158870,00.html">that whole "I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong" thing</a>:<br /><br /><i><b>Interviewer:</b> You used to race against Lance Armstrong?</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Wiggins:</b> Well that's a myth. I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong. In my whole reign [sic] really. I raced once against him in the Criterium International 2004, never at the Tour de France... um yeah so that was the only time really.</i><br /><br />Seems like an odd thing to forget, especially since he inherited Armstrong's podium spot in the 2009 Tour:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQMl3TvXfY-XzvJTkz9BMALwlYURM05UtkdPeDUl_g86hEE8TpzMxq83aFbtwL1uYhW4R4aeTw33845S9apdTxiJptrAkduIIYvHgwVqlfOwtuJS9-YHKWx2Zd5ik-YEC8_7XXaqjYOOw/s1600/wiggins+armstrong.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQMl3TvXfY-XzvJTkz9BMALwlYURM05UtkdPeDUl_g86hEE8TpzMxq83aFbtwL1uYhW4R4aeTw33845S9apdTxiJptrAkduIIYvHgwVqlfOwtuJS9-YHKWx2Zd5ik-YEC8_7XXaqjYOOw/s320/wiggins+armstrong.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Whose ass did he think that was, Condator's?<br /><br />The old-timers<a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/lefevere-shied-away-from-tour-de-france-contenders-for-omega-pharma-quick-step"> are even more entertaining</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvkAmrr6n9vHR95MTEyJU4Vz3MtiKx1KbNMmjqSV4RqmU1ma5BWOQ2hpIabLVi4N0gNFrLdi3TLDZnly_kOibz1fuhxI_UIxGWcWB3ByWVM_ra9UL2gVt84R5_7cfoGEZT8eZ_ybSJJt8/s1600/lefevere.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvkAmrr6n9vHR95MTEyJU4Vz3MtiKx1KbNMmjqSV4RqmU1ma5BWOQ2hpIabLVi4N0gNFrLdi3TLDZnly_kOibz1fuhxI_UIxGWcWB3ByWVM_ra9UL2gVt84R5_7cfoGEZT8eZ_ybSJJt8/s320/lefevere.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />It's crucial to them that the sport look forward, ostensibly for the young riders, but really because they're as dirty as a chamois after a double century but don't want to be held accountable:<br /><i><br /></i><i>"Yeah, you look at the past but today is the first day of the rest of our lives, especially for cycling. We have to leave the past. Maybe that's hard to do in your eyes but the major case of Armstrong this week was from 1999-2005. Puerto was before 2006.</i><br /><br />Lefevere, of course, was the Mapei directeur sportif at the 1996 Paris-Roubaix:<br /><br /> <iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/QGpW-88VioQ" width="400"></iframe><br /><br />There was nothing suspicious about that finish at all.<br /><br />Also,<a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/"> in yesterday's post I said that they should take cycling out of the Olympics</a>, and it looks like <a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/must-read-armstrong-scandal-could-see-cycling-dropped-from-olympics_271580">that could very well happen</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCrk8gEqEenwMZR0lXrBoEAEivoTIdTsqEWJFzy0zyWOjkc_iVKWm7nmDCzGuJXej2nrvooIVw6xPmkEP-Hr7IyYrZsHuwYb0M2VgfIJnoNESEf7JYNf0fqvQX2cLROfAq_6k0NhXiD88/s1600/olympics.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCrk8gEqEenwMZR0lXrBoEAEivoTIdTsqEWJFzy0zyWOjkc_iVKWm7nmDCzGuJXej2nrvooIVw6xPmkEP-Hr7IyYrZsHuwYb0M2VgfIJnoNESEf7JYNf0fqvQX2cLROfAq_6k0NhXiD88/s320/olympics.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Looks like some of these young hopefuls better put their bikes on eBay and buy themselves some ice skates.<br /><br />Alas, when it comes to the sport of cycling, I don't know what to believe in anymore--except for <a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/bicycling/comments/16o5h0/i_ran_into_the_lone_wolf_while_he_was_applying/">this</a>, which was forwarded to me by a reader:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviyRWELM3kUWOjOhweX6UMCX8Gm4kpXYUxKgS2bCzd-DR2JQsX-bEC7sqJHBzqcBXb5XQVxMoMYEW1seZKhLw7DlCYKr2RwykLbgEbYRp5P8l3J75OFVLVZCBU8hHAZmBRPF1bsUknUM/s1600/lone+wolf.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviyRWELM3kUWOjOhweX6UMCX8Gm4kpXYUxKgS2bCzd-DR2JQsX-bEC7sqJHBzqcBXb5XQVxMoMYEW1seZKhLw7DlCYKr2RwykLbgEbYRp5P8l3J75OFVLVZCBU8hHAZmBRPF1bsUknUM/s320/lone+wolf.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Inspiring to be sure--though as for the sport of cycling, it's going to take a lot more than rhinestones to bedazzle that turd.<br /><br />Meanwhile, in Portland, did you know <a href="http://blog.oregonlive.com/portlandcityhall/2013/01/portland_planners_tried_to_pus.html">the hot new trend in real estate is the "low-car apartment?"</a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DHiVUCUHBWvMIRT_Myv78Lvqs93RDHPeaN1VHW7fCbXtojM4IQPBY-wYpoOLqlCnquJ4IDtkmWK9eoV3h9W6L8y1vQ3cqofRRM-MTo0O1UOidsoGkUHYl0xaAFFyw53tR94-324_qgk/s1600/portland.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DHiVUCUHBWvMIRT_Myv78Lvqs93RDHPeaN1VHW7fCbXtojM4IQPBY-wYpoOLqlCnquJ4IDtkmWK9eoV3h9W6L8y1vQ3cqofRRM-MTo0O1UOidsoGkUHYl0xaAFFyw53tR94-324_qgk/s320/portland.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Big freaking deal. My apartment is both low-car <i>and</i> amenity-neutral. I had no idea I was entitled to be so smug about it. <br /><br />Speaking of parking, <a href="http://prospectheights.patch.com/articles/bike-corral-critics-petition-to-get-parking-spot-back">people in Brooklyn continue to oppose it for bikes</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdK_nppeHLad7mGLH9_LnTwJWxIv2EYnud91OT-Z00k0xIIej-HMgcxlCiLdU5r2oN2rd-Akjp2TkPWnV1lhXiWjTO3TkiWsMHGzcM8IrNH1QYphRx-JNKHG5I4LleWSQL8wpAo1Lfx0Q/s1600/bike+corral.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdK_nppeHLad7mGLH9_LnTwJWxIv2EYnud91OT-Z00k0xIIej-HMgcxlCiLdU5r2oN2rd-Akjp2TkPWnV1lhXiWjTO3TkiWsMHGzcM8IrNH1QYphRx-JNKHG5I4LleWSQL8wpAo1Lfx0Q/s320/bike+corral.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><i>The DOT installed the “bike corral” in front of Little Zelda on Franklin Avenue between Park and Sterling places in late November. The corral replaces one parking space with eight bike spaces and two large planters.</i><br /><br />The problem? "Subterranean issues:"<br /><br /><i>Nugent-Miller, whose family has lived in the neighborhood for two generations, said the dispute over the bike corral is about more than just a parking space.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>“This is way beyond just a bike rack,” she said in an e-mail. “There are so many more subterranean issues at play here.”</i><br /><br /><br />And by "subterranean issues" she means the hlipsters that are emerging from the subways and taking over the neighborhood:<br /><br /><i>“A lot of the residents feel that gentrification is more of a takeover than partnership,” Nugent-Miller agreed following the meeting.</i><br /><br />It's a shame that something as practical and inexpensive as the bicycle has become so inextricably incorporated into the gentrification wars that are now raging across Brooklyn. Sure, there are problems with gentrification--like your landlord forcing you out so he can quadruple your rent, or your local grocery becoming an artisanal mayonnaise shop, or tripping over all those stupid cutesy sidewalk blackboards in front of all the cafes and brunch restaurants--but the bicycle is merely an innocent victim in all of this. It's sort of like the name Adolf, which was perfectly lovely until you-know-who had to come along and ruin it for everybody. In fact, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolph">here's what Adolph means</a>:<br /><br /><i>The name is a compound derived from the Old High German </i>Athalwolf<i>, a composition of </i>athal<i>, or </i>adal<i>, meaning </i>noble<i>, and </i>wolf...<br /><br />Is there anything intrinsically wrong with that? I don't think so. I mean, what's more noble than a wolf?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviyRWELM3kUWOjOhweX6UMCX8Gm4kpXYUxKgS2bCzd-DR2JQsX-bEC7sqJHBzqcBXb5XQVxMoMYEW1seZKhLw7DlCYKr2RwykLbgEbYRp5P8l3J75OFVLVZCBU8hHAZmBRPF1bsUknUM/s1600/lone+wolf.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiviyRWELM3kUWOjOhweX6UMCX8Gm4kpXYUxKgS2bCzd-DR2JQsX-bEC7sqJHBzqcBXb5XQVxMoMYEW1seZKhLw7DlCYKr2RwykLbgEbYRp5P8l3J75OFVLVZCBU8hHAZmBRPF1bsUknUM/s320/lone+wolf.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Actually, it's only a matter of time before someone brings the name Adolph back, though unfortunately it will probably be some <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/01/redundancy-interviewing-interviewer-and.html">artisanal father</a> in Brooklyn who already named his older kid "Beowulf," and then someone will copy him because that's what these people do, then Franklin Avenue in Brooklyn will be teeming with little Adolphs, and then people will start hating the name all over again only for completely different reasons, and of course they'll all ride bikes, and finally little bicycle-riding Adolphs will become the abiding symbol of the scourge of gentrification. If this country ever does explode in an actual class war, it will probably start over a bike lane.<br /><br />That's why I left Brooklyn and took my children Kim Jong, Saddam, and Idi to a neighborhood that's been gentrified for at least 200 years, safe from anything even remotely controversial or interesting.<br /><br />Speaking of controversial and interesting, I would say that <a href="http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/bik/3544712652.html">this bike</a>, which was forwarded to me by a reader, qualifies as both:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTqpoQZCvXosV_tP4dBW_EfniR9UQPn9eT-srRdCgG7QBYZXsZ6F9dS2NrSHvm9gs2vDx_S9RR3XCKiXt_574yBumE1THAVugdIKVKRBtI0TfMV7SSgjNWoqjmP9eEpMuEy1_41XoEsUs/s1600/tt+bike.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTqpoQZCvXosV_tP4dBW_EfniR9UQPn9eT-srRdCgG7QBYZXsZ6F9dS2NrSHvm9gs2vDx_S9RR3XCKiXt_574yBumE1THAVugdIKVKRBtI0TfMV7SSgjNWoqjmP9eEpMuEy1_41XoEsUs/s320/tt+bike.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Maybe Wiggins is right and we should totally write off the 1990s.<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-52556447192103400192013-01-15T11:14:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.741-08:00Trailblazer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">A cool photo from Steve Sharp's garage</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG7H2oELxTt0sC-EdAfkR2Z_IzKpJwTlgBE4gjicQqlEPjIJ8GwRon2d4Lz9xSwSCJxJJUa6T7yj-dTzH7nUA-3rEKL7o5PqjNocZz_2I6TZU1Hx1TN2oIEg15SzgNuOtzheEvGCb0-oWn/s1600/VL-Rider.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG7H2oELxTt0sC-EdAfkR2Z_IzKpJwTlgBE4gjicQqlEPjIJ8GwRon2d4Lz9xSwSCJxJJUa6T7yj-dTzH7nUA-3rEKL7o5PqjNocZz_2I6TZU1Hx1TN2oIEg15SzgNuOtzheEvGCb0-oWn/s400/VL-Rider.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">A friend's father tears up a trail in El Segundo, CA aboard his VL Bob Job.</span></i>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-2591032039643485462013-01-15T10:29:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.731-08:00Redundancy: Interviewing the Interviewer and Babysitting the BabysitterGiven the relentless revelations and confessions it's difficult to be shocked by any doping-related news these days, but you have to admit that <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/lance-armstrong-confesses-oprah-interview-doping-bring-federal-18218172">this is a real stunner</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9PZqDLul0yHGWNs1AbFFWJy3HC6NFXglHsJO6a3hb8r-F91IbYQJqAH8OcvHy-5ucGrHzKroL5uM0UdFil_Y1NT5ilRJvWBEcFDt22csgHr_8oylzBjO8TD8BYuZQB720CHIm2b_1gvo/s1600/doping.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9PZqDLul0yHGWNs1AbFFWJy3HC6NFXglHsJO6a3hb8r-F91IbYQJqAH8OcvHy-5ucGrHzKroL5uM0UdFil_Y1NT5ilRJvWBEcFDt22csgHr_8oylzBjO8TD8BYuZQB720CHIm2b_1gvo/s320/doping.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />He actually doped <i>in the interview</i>? This guy's just incorrigible! Then again, pretty much everyone dopes for their Oprah interviews, so arguably it was a level playing field:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgatf8ak11Jp4GQyljkTmWWUvE3HUu8Wz3WSukgQXr871jgyz3wc4DDSX6x6s8eE57uk5o6lfPxixYPcpXVmMfPeKGJOvIaOve2oqqAYVi-cwxmXIqNQuXZvms8bsoiIdZfiutayng3tO8/s1600/tom-cruise-oprah-winfrey-thumb.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgatf8ak11Jp4GQyljkTmWWUvE3HUu8Wz3WSukgQXr871jgyz3wc4DDSX6x6s8eE57uk5o6lfPxixYPcpXVmMfPeKGJOvIaOve2oqqAYVi-cwxmXIqNQuXZvms8bsoiIdZfiutayng3tO8/s320/tom-cruise-oprah-winfrey-thumb.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("You're not worth the chair you're jumping on.")</div><br />Most incredibly, Armstrong's Oprah interview is already getting more media attention than all three presidential debates combined and it hasn't even aired yet--though this morning Oprah did give <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50139042n">an interview about the interview</a>, and everyone else even tangentially involved in cycling has been interviewing each other about it too, as have people with nothing whatsoever to do with cycling, which is to say nothing of the millions of informal interviews conducted with anyone who rides a bike (how many questions from co-workers and relatives have <i>you</i> had to field recently?), and it really makes you wonder if an entire society can actually interview itself to death. Sure, we may have squeaked through the atomic age with our culture more or less intact, but the information age could very well be our undoing, thanks to the perfect storm of Armstrong, Winfrey, and social networking.<br /><br />Even Fabian Cancellara is concerned, though I'm not sure exactly what he's concerned about because I don't speak Spartacus:<br /><blockquote class="twitter-tweet">I do not wonna know how much money some secret source has get from the media regarding the pre recorded <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23Armstrong">#Armstrong</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/search/%23Oprah">#Oprah</a> show<br />— Fabian cancellara (@f_cancellara) <a data-datetime="2013-01-15T08:08:48+00:00" href="https://twitter.com/f_cancellara/status/291094569834147840">January 15, 2013</a></blockquote>Well, I do not wonna know how much money Cancellara paid Mario Cipollini to design <a href="http://www.fabiancancellara.ch/e_index.php?MAIN_RUB_ID=43">his website</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIpQgINqOIxBpk0l-dVz7-hETpIs3XLyVwMhRsWCQQ454y9GXqhU_6LlIUMguvDn2hfLZpI1ubgQsdadDuUe32AJjMkSp2AlYet5WhxKo2WfRajzA1Jp4p1mVlUI0juTN3qndY9xrx_8/s1600/cancellara.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaIpQgINqOIxBpk0l-dVz7-hETpIs3XLyVwMhRsWCQQ454y9GXqhU_6LlIUMguvDn2hfLZpI1ubgQsdadDuUe32AJjMkSp2AlYet5WhxKo2WfRajzA1Jp4p1mVlUI0juTN3qndY9xrx_8/s320/cancellara.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(The nudity is tasteful, but you'll have to pay for it.)</div><br />Also, the more time people spend obsessing over this Oprah interview the better it is for Cancellara, because it distracts them from his Gruber Assist:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7ItlQMSS9pU" width="400"></iframe><br /><br />I used to think the "doped bike" thing was funny, but now I totally think he did it.<br /><br />In any case, at this point there are two important conclusions to draw from all of this. The first is that cycling is officially the lamest pro sport out there, since even football and baseball manage to muddle through without Oprah having to come in and moderate. The second is that they should probably remove cycling from the Olympics to make way for a sport with more integrity, like dog racing or cockfighting. Here's the reigning Olympic road race champion, in case you've forgotten:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlF66RFXJq4DhEwE17HUTXqNG6lRi6Wf9ZXIpL3mJjAZ4glwhrESL5X9tsUj8SJNzgCNH9qDAjZ41wetrYbwCPE7K4X6Vy_w1p-WgIxYzu2WNVHZY-IGogAHVkaaBOhl296hIQMOTeCWg/s1600/vino.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlF66RFXJq4DhEwE17HUTXqNG6lRi6Wf9ZXIpL3mJjAZ4glwhrESL5X9tsUj8SJNzgCNH9qDAjZ41wetrYbwCPE7K4X6Vy_w1p-WgIxYzu2WNVHZY-IGogAHVkaaBOhl296hIQMOTeCWg/s320/vino.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />But don't worry, because according to all the riders and managers cycling's entering into a new era of transparency starting...now. No, wait. Now.<br /><br />Okay, <i>now</i>. Hey, I wasn't ready! Can we do it on three? One, two, three...all right, totally clean now.<br /><br />At this rate Oprah will be UCI president by 2020.<br /><br />Speaking of stuff that's really dirty, we all have different thresholds at which we clean our bikes. If you're a roadie, you clean it if you've touched it since the last time you've cleaned it. Or, if you're a lazy slob like me, you don't even consider cleaning it until it looks like this:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70bkHaXa0fkCfEXsot11AOjpPrn87Sl7zpNvgQO3p-8UJEQ7LvWeWUSQOu3cp5zThGPlB9_XulfXX1PJXMtPsmyQVSMZ4KwY7zVqZeGJfmSp6ArZ7yeZQaqUBx06j87Bh_v3ji-U8R8s/s1600/dirty.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg70bkHaXa0fkCfEXsot11AOjpPrn87Sl7zpNvgQO3p-8UJEQ7LvWeWUSQOu3cp5zThGPlB9_XulfXX1PJXMtPsmyQVSMZ4KwY7zVqZeGJfmSp6ArZ7yeZQaqUBx06j87Bh_v3ji-U8R8s/s320/dirty.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At which point you just throw it in the street and attack it with rough brushes "Silkwood"-style:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifvcJBJqWNKzlku1FiETcDSbINK_U218iSrEw74r1SKJ_uLBTHlNwtENMEt6rc32tau8LgRJgNDQ5vVsmR6hnGwzQOHBL-7sc5g7prvjaOmYt2qrIxCiu4cwFThJ7QfkXenAyEsBWJE9M/s1600/bike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifvcJBJqWNKzlku1FiETcDSbINK_U218iSrEw74r1SKJ_uLBTHlNwtENMEt6rc32tau8LgRJgNDQ5vVsmR6hnGwzQOHBL-7sc5g7prvjaOmYt2qrIxCiu4cwFThJ7QfkXenAyEsBWJE9M/s320/bike.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Thelma is cooked.)</div><br />Then you put the wheels back on and take it for a spin around the neighborhood to dry it out, during which you discover there's one of those coin operated self-service car wash machines right down the street and that you could have blasted all that crud off in like four seconds.<br /><br />Finally, you grab a fistful of quarters, get naked, and blast yourself clean with the power washer.<br /><br />Don't act like you've never done it.<br /><br />Yes, an important part of being a cyclist is feeling special--special because you rode your bike, special because you washed your bike, and special because you blasted your scranus clean in broad daylight on a heavily trafficked roadway. But you know who feels even more special? Parents. Parents feel special because they made their kid, they feel special because they washed their kid, and they feel special because they blasted their kid's scranus clean in broad daylight on a heavily trafficked roadway. And you know who feels even more special than regular parents? "Artisanal" parents. Indeed, you may recall that <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/08/cyclists-better-than-nothing-but-only.html">"artisanal fathers" are the new trend in human reproduction</a>. Well, <a href="http://www.otaku-house.com/">Artisanal Aaron</a> informs me that these artisanal fathers finally have their own magazine, and it's called <a href="http://kindlingquarterly.com/">"Kindling:"</a><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1AkErucxhbH2VQDuDDrXJtvrEfMyoPPvXhQPtdjWHM8hFgbdmTkHb1Ne-x-7fV8OohELn831zHGcbSZtSxNf991D3cjZ2K9NRhAcMs7TG4qGdjFbsN8AEeC_TiZZi0gLm17totxKhWUs/s1600/kindling.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1AkErucxhbH2VQDuDDrXJtvrEfMyoPPvXhQPtdjWHM8hFgbdmTkHb1Ne-x-7fV8OohELn831zHGcbSZtSxNf991D3cjZ2K9NRhAcMs7TG4qGdjFbsN8AEeC_TiZZi0gLm17totxKhWUs/s320/kindling.jpeg" width="272" /></a></div><br />Which, appropriately enough, is exactly what you should use it for when you roast locally-sourced carob heath S'mores on your next artisanal father-artisanal son camping trip--unless of course you're the sort of person who needs a quarterly journal design exercise to tell you that <a href="http://kindlingquarterly.com/About">your life is inseparable from your role as a parent</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOhkSIM2aPP76Lyq_WdjnVAJXmKHC1L1MY92yQLflttGe1N92f3mupBuJ2RUhyB_MJanrnef-EGC6E_SZQFE6Hn_bv3jEzIOsrNtZQ7ZeihqSrxpMXF-kTEBsx5DZNGOa1UpBPSY0xOVQ/s1600/parenting.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOhkSIM2aPP76Lyq_WdjnVAJXmKHC1L1MY92yQLflttGe1N92f3mupBuJ2RUhyB_MJanrnef-EGC6E_SZQFE6Hn_bv3jEzIOsrNtZQ7ZeihqSrxpMXF-kTEBsx5DZNGOa1UpBPSY0xOVQ/s320/parenting.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>Which might be useful information to you if you're also the sort of person who needs to be reminded that chewing is inseparable from swallowing--which the typical "Kindling" reader probably does, since his food was chewed for him and then spat into his mouth from childhood all the way through those six years at Bard.<br /><br />Oh, there's also wistful pop culture nostalgia that only artisanal fathers are old enough to get:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2B27_vwVa3VpR_cL6xta8sncI9k3enAm01w9S9-429g4TQSP34nby6z_Cp2hgvv2LBQ8Geu3JWFngQopbfh-_R1npy_R4fKyh9psc56v2-VFFUjv6DV2l8d0sXqEYW5ymyIap-2UMrX8/s1600/keaton.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2B27_vwVa3VpR_cL6xta8sncI9k3enAm01w9S9-429g4TQSP34nby6z_Cp2hgvv2LBQ8Geu3JWFngQopbfh-_R1npy_R4fKyh9psc56v2-VFFUjv6DV2l8d0sXqEYW5ymyIap-2UMrX8/s320/keaton.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And of course plenty of people trackstanding while playing the ukulele:</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiShRLR_p5FWQeLh6Mvkkcz2GIUBBlEplrkpz2v_zYLjvejWHWOv-SaOwQUwlrHeF_l71Fcbclm5PeKpJ11eWEDOZra17HENhHuU6-FfKP3EmF9bKSNPe4DUTKDtO_kC7oEjGieDOe8wuA/s1600/trackstand.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiShRLR_p5FWQeLh6Mvkkcz2GIUBBlEplrkpz2v_zYLjvejWHWOv-SaOwQUwlrHeF_l71Fcbclm5PeKpJ11eWEDOZra17HENhHuU6-FfKP3EmF9bKSNPe4DUTKDtO_kC7oEjGieDOe8wuA/s320/trackstand.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Sure, there won't be any information about basic stuff like how to change a diaper, but I wouldn't be surprised if you find an article about how to knit your own diapers that's written by Stephen Malkmus.<br /><br />At only $38 dollars for four issues, how could you possibly say yes? Plus, if you act now, you'll receive <a href="http://www.bambino.si/ste_vedeli_da_lahko_moski_dojijo">this smart male breastfeeding shirt</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPMtdmonpOEbgskMjCCDGTKY2iQyunEzG44yLpbmaknCDDkEW0P1m_0Sp9-LoCRsz9_xBALbsWEQ_g6v0p5pP8lU-f2qPxXXru1OoO92AAYrISDcHjLL-7kxe7-0PJe-x3pTZ-92_tUqc/s1600/breastfeeding.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPMtdmonpOEbgskMjCCDGTKY2iQyunEzG44yLpbmaknCDDkEW0P1m_0Sp9-LoCRsz9_xBALbsWEQ_g6v0p5pP8lU-f2qPxXXru1OoO92AAYrISDcHjLL-7kxe7-0PJe-x3pTZ-92_tUqc/s320/breastfeeding.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("Uh, where's mom?")</div><br />Steven Keaton totally would have worn a male breastfeeding shirt had the technology been available at the time.<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-21581919907789910812013-01-14T10:12:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.727-08:00This Week's Going To Be Fantastic, I Can Feel It In My Scranus!Some people may thrive on little virtual gold stars from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciLllSAcF-8">Strava</a>, but for me the best rides are the ones with a compelling narrative structure, and I went on one such ride this past weekend. Indeed, the route could have been devised by Robert McKee himself. First we crossed the Foggy Bridge Of Mystery:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXB28nDulReFhXkqiv9P_qw0LJIni-TRc0xzv3gdrxlDiHOs47Wc2ERxM33Z_5WqI2pMgGD0HwhFM2DhiXEXK697rNb87LFwpKXMOu4WG-I2A4gMkO4OEioLGa3NS2A3s7Uuak9JqaUk/s1600/bridge+of+mystery.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXB28nDulReFhXkqiv9P_qw0LJIni-TRc0xzv3gdrxlDiHOs47Wc2ERxM33Z_5WqI2pMgGD0HwhFM2DhiXEXK697rNb87LFwpKXMOu4WG-I2A4gMkO4OEioLGa3NS2A3s7Uuak9JqaUk/s320/bridge+of+mystery.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />Then we passed over the Mighty Falls Of Despair:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRw3urTn-p961C4xH_0s0HT2KCOjq-W-yWHAz8AuPPIZawEJEHXeaZJmzps26SvDq78pciLH6gxfE-IQcxV60S8VqvMfNFPkwBLhUc1RS6WnYZWAm2xuph2C2Yxk0hIV4QOtQSzN8LKnM/s1600/falls+of+despair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRw3urTn-p961C4xH_0s0HT2KCOjq-W-yWHAz8AuPPIZawEJEHXeaZJmzps26SvDq78pciLH6gxfE-IQcxV60S8VqvMfNFPkwBLhUc1RS6WnYZWAm2xuph2C2Yxk0hIV4QOtQSzN8LKnM/s320/falls+of+despair.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />And finally we basked in the azure splendor of the Blue Beacon of Hope:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZZU1ScaT_K5XrfmaJTUJf9fFjqH-HJo_oaaxuFvPVhugTSuNNrQoZKkwUGUb_aYgoJYJrNJNh6dsVWPxvyrFc0IoP11FksWx8cgut0S2nOjrKiTKhyphenhyphenih2jEb1P8u05pV4Z0GrE1iOzI4/s1600/blue+beacon+of+hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZZU1ScaT_K5XrfmaJTUJf9fFjqH-HJo_oaaxuFvPVhugTSuNNrQoZKkwUGUb_aYgoJYJrNJNh6dsVWPxvyrFc0IoP11FksWx8cgut0S2nOjrKiTKhyphenhyphenih2jEb1P8u05pV4Z0GrE1iOzI4/s320/blue+beacon+of+hope.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />Owww! Talk about sitting on the fence! [Kindly click <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Rav9ijyyZk">this link</a> now.] Of course, as always, feel free to leave your own intriguingly disgusting theories as to why that iron rod is wearing a prophylactic in the comments section.<br /><br />Speaking of the comments section of this blog, you may have noticed that in recent weeks it has become rife with what tech geeks call "spam." This saddens me. In "real life" I believe we should all carefully consider what we say, but on the Internet I believe there should be as few steps as possible between having an inane thought and publishing it online. That's why I've never moderated comments or required logins or anything like that. Sure, some bloggers like to sit around plucking and preening their comment sections like Mario Cipollini tending to his pubic hair, but I prefer Internet interaction to be wild and woolly, and to reflect sort of a 1970s personal grooming (or lack thereof) sensibility.<br /><br />Also, I'm lazy as fuck.<br /><br />Nevertheless, it's gotten to the point that the sheer volume of spam has become onerous, so by way of doing something I've switched on this thingy that makes you type in characters to prove you're not a robot. Hopefully it works and it isn't too tedious, and of course if you've got any better ideas I'd love to hear them, but I'm telling you right now they better be very easy to implement because I didn't become a bike blogger in order to work.<br /><br />No, I became a bike blogger in order to get <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2009/01/bsnyc-product-review-scattante-empire.html">a free Scattante</a>, which is why I should have quit years ago.<br /><br />The other thing that sucks about spam is that it winds up on old posts too. Sure, I could close the comments after a certain amount of time, but the fact is that people still weigh in with important insights months or even years after a post is published. For example, I was manscaping the comments section for spam this morning when I noticed a comment from yesterday on <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2007/09/velo-darwinism-evolution-of-top-tube.html">a post about top tube pads from 2007</a>:<br /><br /><i><b>Anonymous said...</b></i><br /><i><br /></i><i>Not sure anyone mentioned protecting your top tube against dings on parking meters & bike racks? Seems obvious.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>JANUARY 14, 2013 AT 3:23 AM</i><br /><br />Nothing more heartwarming than an earnestly condescending comment about a trend that's been over for at least four years now.<br /><br />Anyway, this whole spamming saga (when you're a blogger with no real job dealing with spam actually qualifies as a "saga") has brought me to an important realization, which is this:<br /><br />If you could remotely kill a spammer with the click of a mouse I wouldn't hesitate to do it.<br /><br />However, if after clicking the mouse there was a pop-up that said, "Warning: Killing this spammer will also cause his entire family to starve to death. Do you want to continue?," I would not. Instead, I'd just call out, "Honey, I have Cheetos all over my fingers. Can you just hit this enter key for me?" That way, I didn't do it and she didn't know, and everybody's happy. (At least everybody who matters.)<br /><br />So basically, I have no problem with my actions resulting in awful things happening to people, just as long as there's a middleman. That's why I buy gasoline and Apple products.<br /><br />Meanwhile, remember how disc brakes were supposed to be the new awesome thing for cyclocross? Well, <a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/01/news/bright-future-for-disc-brakes-fades-briefly-under-a-coating-of-verona-mud_271112">it turns out they're not, at least when it's muddy</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijBlNaHM7ARnpb0xB02g05IC8JnHYl4XlYQZ0F9if1kDUe36ttKb13A02w0ebJZ5gsTkgQVDym9pHs57MkFRGjwizt5uJ2z1z6_Gasd9KSsKjQ1SG2zzW_pY5oUTXrOPNeTY1xGiCzOh4/s1600/disc+brakes.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijBlNaHM7ARnpb0xB02g05IC8JnHYl4XlYQZ0F9if1kDUe36ttKb13A02w0ebJZ5gsTkgQVDym9pHs57MkFRGjwizt5uJ2z1z6_Gasd9KSsKjQ1SG2zzW_pY5oUTXrOPNeTY1xGiCzOh4/s320/disc+brakes.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>Which isn't really a problem, since cyclocross races very rarely involve mud--just like <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/cannondale-usher-in-new-era-with-glitzy-team-presentation">professional road racing team presentations rarely involve bad taste</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1cy_Al_soNJKbSwChOakQb0UklX1JlmZ5WH668wEcH5c9dqWIJi_seB-PUvv0tYmMjWl12JZ_twYi7qQF7A7hgcjR6P1Ve6Rjh6tFlb3vn6btjTxyIhGqTXPY5DeP2GSJevkwUQlvvc4/s1600/cannondale.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1cy_Al_soNJKbSwChOakQb0UklX1JlmZ5WH668wEcH5c9dqWIJi_seB-PUvv0tYmMjWl12JZ_twYi7qQF7A7hgcjR6P1Ve6Rjh6tFlb3vn6btjTxyIhGqTXPY5DeP2GSJevkwUQlvvc4/s320/cannondale.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><i>In true Hollywood fashion, the team, which included home favourite Ted King, Damiano Caruso and neo-pro Guillame Boiwin, entered the fray from a hummer limo, making their way to the auditorium via a black carpet.</i><br /><br />Was this a team presentation or a Long Island prom? I'm amazed that in 2013 companies are still launching professional bike racing teams with such fanfare. If anything, I'd think they'd want to let the teams pass unnoticed, like a fart on an airplane. Plus, between all the doping scandals and the fact that it was the same weekend as the Golden Globes it's hard to imagine that any media in Los Angeles would come out to see a bunch of European men in sickly green Lycra. I'm even more amazed that Ivan Basso is still racing at all, and apparently even he was embarrassed to be there:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpjWTWtffy_pUUnHQdb1ISNkDyD728wK9MOgxTrYKHVRBl94mtwBDuG4PIqx3w5Dl2Z-JOrq0tuQLyXoOZlB75GGsOniMr08IDpIow4EKpGD0gSfshuMQgyDvAtI2-TnYQFNcXsCuwkc/s1600/basso.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpjWTWtffy_pUUnHQdb1ISNkDyD728wK9MOgxTrYKHVRBl94mtwBDuG4PIqx3w5Dl2Z-JOrq0tuQLyXoOZlB75GGsOniMr08IDpIow4EKpGD0gSfshuMQgyDvAtI2-TnYQFNcXsCuwkc/s320/basso.jpeg" width="235" /></a></div>Either that or it gets very cold in Los Angeles.<br /><br />I wonder if Basso is part of that "new era of transparency" all the teams are talking about these days. You may recall that years back Basso was suspended not for doping but for "attempting to dope," and I'm not sure how it's possible to fail at doping when <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/mazzoleni-elisa-basso-plea-bargain-in-drug-dealing-case">your own sister is a drug dealer</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cv6bJ8OUCVvuD5IlBVjDz3rHdkYUkLsGgO0jJNxo6VxfW_iwQ1JJNwqb2j-wrKwLrEv5Ndrr_3TkBSztAUnA4stpGkia7uFN8EGMYqeYce01C1bhk8iOipnM-yS0zA_csbiExPM555o/s1600/elisabasso.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cv6bJ8OUCVvuD5IlBVjDz3rHdkYUkLsGgO0jJNxo6VxfW_iwQ1JJNwqb2j-wrKwLrEv5Ndrr_3TkBSztAUnA4stpGkia7uFN8EGMYqeYce01C1bhk8iOipnM-yS0zA_csbiExPM555o/s320/elisabasso.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Ivan Basso's sister being transparent.)</div><br />That's like failing to get groped at <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/03/conquests-another-notch-in-belt.html">a Mario Cipollini training camp</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_yas8HdSqjJ7A4kKp-4R2657X0vFor8L6cPqLuMVQ-55D39CPVWFOdjtkMwz6JB0c43W02AAdlgQIduqRK4WhQWDDGxZh4V1IzB_xSYTG4Uz3ERgi_a0P7KJQsNcktqucbAaaagAIKk/s1600/wow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik_yas8HdSqjJ7A4kKp-4R2657X0vFor8L6cPqLuMVQ-55D39CPVWFOdjtkMwz6JB0c43W02AAdlgQIduqRK4WhQWDDGxZh4V1IzB_xSYTG4Uz3ERgi_a0P7KJQsNcktqucbAaaagAIKk/s320/wow.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Taking one for the team.)</div><br />Or like failing to get stoned while hanging out with Woody Harrelson--who, I was surprised to learn, is also a cyclist. As it happens, I was watching an interview with him last night in which he mentioned he likes to ride his bike in New York City. So I took to the Internet, where I discovered another older interview in which he tells an amusing antidote (that's stupid for "anecdote") to David Letterman about engaging in some Cat 6 racing antics and then crashing into a tree:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2vEEdnk6a94" width="400"></iframe> <br /><br />I was entertained until I actually saw Harrelson's bike, which retroactively ruined the story:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh88ndSiUXTLnOEDdgnX1KX0js7akiA8kyZoVbu1KWk6BBhd_NFKtYdLqtWtVnAKj2Yu-w_-v3-VAmz8hXBMj0zEdEmr3R86xLwwbtIDt6rnJbGucPUHibLId15-0Rymh5pwPA2msSjHjA/s1600/Woody+Harrelson+Out+Bike+Father+Day+nAmHSa4Iwthl.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh88ndSiUXTLnOEDdgnX1KX0js7akiA8kyZoVbu1KWk6BBhd_NFKtYdLqtWtVnAKj2Yu-w_-v3-VAmz8hXBMj0zEdEmr3R86xLwwbtIDt6rnJbGucPUHibLId15-0Rymh5pwPA2msSjHjA/s320/Woody+Harrelson+Out+Bike+Father+Day+nAmHSa4Iwthl.jpeg" width="209" /></a></div>That's like replacing the car in "Bullitt" with a Hyundai.<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-52939627043916392902013-01-11T11:03:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.744-08:00BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! I used to live in a place called Brooklyn, and I still enjoy keeping abreast of the local affairs there because it makes me feel really happy that I moved. For example, some people in Bay Ridge are apparently <a href="http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/36/2/br_beergardenbacklash_2013_01_11_bk.html">very upset about the opening of a "hipster bar" in their neighborhood</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJoL_QNy05B-EcPa0gvKzNr45MFcrdRWKe1LE0fdM3d2zfnT2KvCux9OU8Tz_8JbkJVhKzQAnc-2VQW7ims76PDG1xPZlqWB2Rd5yReB1YO2EtKGyscV4AoOeZAxpdEHWpPObi3ra6aCk/s1600/hipster+bar.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJoL_QNy05B-EcPa0gvKzNr45MFcrdRWKe1LE0fdM3d2zfnT2KvCux9OU8Tz_8JbkJVhKzQAnc-2VQW7ims76PDG1xPZlqWB2Rd5yReB1YO2EtKGyscV4AoOeZAxpdEHWpPObi3ra6aCk/s320/hipster+bar.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I can certainly understand their concern, though upon closer inspection it turns out that these humble, simple-minded folk are mostly just confused victims of "hipster hysteria:"<br /><i><br /></i><i>“This idea of bringing a young crowd from Williamsburg and Park Slope, it’s unacceptable,” said Elizabeth Pabian, whose backyard borders the Fifth Avenue space between 92nd and 93rd streets where skinny-jean-and-flannel-clad customers will soon sip craft beers from the Midwest. “My whole life will change.”</i><br /><br />Firstly, no self-respecting hipster would travel all the way from Williamsburg to Bay Ridge to drink beer. That's like owning a custom bicycle but traveling all the way across town to borrow your friend's Magna. Secondly, even if they did, they wouldn't "sip craft beers from the Midwest." They'd be Midwesterners sipping craft beers, since that's where most people in the trendy parts of Brooklyn come from now. By the way, here's a photo of the Pabian family:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeJlwFAvnlvpSg40dBj6IxZ_M6zRhY8XEkl-hmMe0bHoBTI_ZKJy4mc6ZmcmtQ7_sYrC8Kg4ty0kebfrtQNf3A5RCIGIhz4eoFI_tRbhyphenhyphen76wX2q9VLa3ADt1zNdZ6QQVensLvS0EH8x8/s1600/br_beergardenbacklash_2013_01_11_bk01_z.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeJlwFAvnlvpSg40dBj6IxZ_M6zRhY8XEkl-hmMe0bHoBTI_ZKJy4mc6ZmcmtQ7_sYrC8Kg4ty0kebfrtQNf3A5RCIGIhz4eoFI_tRbhyphenhyphen76wX2q9VLa3ADt1zNdZ6QQVensLvS0EH8x8/s320/br_beergardenbacklash_2013_01_11_bk01_z.jpeg" width="229" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Fear garden: The Pabian family is petitioning to stop the planned and so-called “hipster beer garden,” The Lockyard, from coming to Bay Ridge — worried that patrons from Northern Brooklyn will bring a tidal wave of noise and property damage.</i></div><br />The Pabians should get their own house in order first, because their son is obviously a closeted hipster. They needn't worry about any "property damage" though. Hipsters are typically too frail to break anything, which is why they're the only cyclists in the world still able to ride Spinergys:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8YZ7Tg7MoljUN5KSyMTpOFjiSVZ8LW8pLDxhdpI0M-UOT63Rl9R6p5PZxAl3atQyYV5kY1H17-BRfgFSObhrgO6m2YvKafmGgmO-RQKm0gDZ0RokcQZTFL2cEBu1Chit8mpgbWNdiPy8/s1600/cinelli-mash-bolt-tinanium-6761_6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8YZ7Tg7MoljUN5KSyMTpOFjiSVZ8LW8pLDxhdpI0M-UOT63Rl9R6p5PZxAl3atQyYV5kY1H17-BRfgFSObhrgO6m2YvKafmGgmO-RQKm0gDZ0RokcQZTFL2cEBu1Chit8mpgbWNdiPy8/s320/cinelli-mash-bolt-tinanium-6761_6.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(It's like riding on eggshells.)</div><br />Of course, the owner of the bar is equally to blame, since everyone knows you never tell anybody you're opening a "hipster bar." You're supposed to lull the community into a false sense of security by telling them you're opening a sports bar where Thursday will be "homophobia night." That way, by the time you open and the neighbors see the "bike pile" out front, it will be too late for them to do anything. Now that's a cunning scheme--almost as cunning as a newspaper taking a boring story about some people in a boring neighborhood who are understandably worried about noise in their neighborhood and trolling for clicks by gratuitously inserting the word "hipster" into every paragraph.<br /><br />Honestly, I'd expect better from a paper owned by Rupert Murdoch.<br /><br />Meanwhile, in bike racing news, <a href="http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/13677/Tour-of-the-Battenkill-pro-race-to-be-replaced-by-new-Gran-Fondo.aspx">the Tour of the Battenkill is replacing its pro race with a Gran Fondo</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7CqVPQrHBQORNhZ0jlLwMTDBSaxoD70dAMmsKwcn1ncYDU8_HeAMu_EwY2hB0wiMDl2b1kcQQ7vSlXq_I6HTjrthRjbadNmTjINMUWAUkheW55rR1-CYg1aDnKWLqiPbWaydU-rM5l8/s1600/battenkill.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ7CqVPQrHBQORNhZ0jlLwMTDBSaxoD70dAMmsKwcn1ncYDU8_HeAMu_EwY2hB0wiMDl2b1kcQQ7vSlXq_I6HTjrthRjbadNmTjINMUWAUkheW55rR1-CYg1aDnKWLqiPbWaydU-rM5l8/s320/battenkill.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>Unsurprisingly, no sensible company wants to waste its money on pro cyclists anymore:<br /><br /><i>In November Drake said that things were tough for American races. “The situation right now is impossible. I have had sponsors tell me flat out that we are not going to do any sponsorship in cycling, at least for the foreseeable future. Continental teams in the US have had similar discussions with their own sponsors too; its very hard.”</i><br /><br />Which is why Freds are the new pros:<br /><br /><i>“We needed to make room for the Gran Fondo event which is in pretty high demand,” he told VeloNation today. “There are also fewer and fewer good reasons to be involved in professional cycling these days so it had to go, unfortunately. Many of our sponsors are much more interested interest in Gran Fondo style events and we hope to expand on this format going forward while keeping the traditional age group and category races that are very popular as well.”</i><br /><br />Sure, <a href="http://www.bikeradar.com/news/article/two-amateurs-test-positive-for-epo-at-gran-fondo-new-york-34711/">Freds dope just as much as the pros do</a>, but at least they pay for stuff themselves.<br /><br />And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll emit a shrill giggle, and if you're wrong <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U">you'll see flatulence</a>.<br /><br />Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride flatulent.<br /><br /><br />--Wildcat Rock Machine<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwysaVbGXeA8KPJefmLm0aRtixLRZly67-ihdHfz7MQg_OzfGROnuQxMI2Zs5Qb-cjEX29VfWzpib25wA3dP2J9hGxfvxQFjHU_nKIWc4aM_76Uzttl-MlgbE6Hv0lUuQtSjzprP2L2P8/s1600/Flaming+Lips3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwysaVbGXeA8KPJefmLm0aRtixLRZly67-ihdHfz7MQg_OzfGROnuQxMI2Zs5Qb-cjEX29VfWzpib25wA3dP2J9hGxfvxQFjHU_nKIWc4aM_76Uzttl-MlgbE6Hv0lUuQtSjzprP2L2P8/s320/Flaming+Lips3.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><b>1) Which band filmed a video in Portland featuring scores of naked white people and a hairy vagina ball?</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMCNhRmye2w&feature=player_embedded"><span style="color: red;">The Flaming Lips</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Grizzly Bear</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">The Grizzly Lips</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Slayer</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfIvW_0SjY6EGRkq7K9nsblwCLq8bNhTPfYzbg-iH1OW5m0rWSLlR4APGXBIN6LOS6urhFt6wLQWh2Vcl8kWpSr3BBRWTzle8ZFnv92zq1OayVd6b_MAFq4Hs3mrrUWgydVPFztBxx9Q4/s1600/frenzy.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfIvW_0SjY6EGRkq7K9nsblwCLq8bNhTPfYzbg-iH1OW5m0rWSLlR4APGXBIN6LOS6urhFt6wLQWh2Vcl8kWpSr3BBRWTzle8ZFnv92zq1OayVd6b_MAFq4Hs3mrrUWgydVPFztBxx9Q4/s320/frenzy.jpeg" width="211" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Like "Frenzy," only smellier.)</div><br /><b>2) A Portland man allegedly attempted to strangle his girlfriend with his:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/01/man-accused-of-choking-girlfriend-with-dreadlocks/"><span style="color: red;">Dreadlocks</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Penis</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Wallet chain</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Noxiously smug aura of self-satisfaction</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRZy38NWo7b2_yKV4AhW6BZ1wXmrtoqQjEUi-49-cvpr6_bO-vPQ9xrnmbCB7cFlozvdQZaqLxpMnHsxE4djKycJj3cAvh2JNNeSOiKZd8OQrbVubr-CcVMZ-G-0V4ZhcwlPEEdANowUE/s1600/premium+rush.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRZy38NWo7b2_yKV4AhW6BZ1wXmrtoqQjEUi-49-cvpr6_bO-vPQ9xrnmbCB7cFlozvdQZaqLxpMnHsxE4djKycJj3cAvh2JNNeSOiKZd8OQrbVubr-CcVMZ-G-0V4ZhcwlPEEdANowUE/s320/premium+rush.jpeg" width="261" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Since filming "Premium Rush," Gordon-Levitt has continued to ride fixed-gear and singlespeed bicycles.)</div><br /><b>3) Joseph Gordon-Levitt garnered a top 20 finish in the singlespeed race at the Cyclocross National Championships in Madison, Wisconsin.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.cxmagazine.com/2013-cyclocross-national-championships-mens-singlespeed-race"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgV1wqwrHHE4_riWcH04u2wtURtkCfDSMzyoXJ-2-wFRRkpzvNaNDvQ-YuJxYr4LPNaBQn9dFnQgLGzzy-h7q03hZNIgvnk9Io9raFVYgfNpR7my823cG42C6AyNzL-dhrw0JMxobOAU/s1600/butts.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgV1wqwrHHE4_riWcH04u2wtURtkCfDSMzyoXJ-2-wFRRkpzvNaNDvQ-YuJxYr4LPNaBQn9dFnQgLGzzy-h7q03hZNIgvnk9Io9raFVYgfNpR7my823cG42C6AyNzL-dhrw0JMxobOAU/s320/butts.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(A scene from the movie "I Am Not A Hipster" where you can see a butt.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><b>4) The film "I am Not A Hipster" has been described as:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://vimeo.com/56897454"><span style="color: red;">"A stunningly assured debut feature. Think 'Five Easy Pieces' with indie-rock instead of piano."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"'The Graduate' for millennials."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"A stunningly assured debut feature. Think 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' with hipsters instead of aliens."</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"The most unfortunate film since Ang Lee and Spike Lee collaborated on the universally panned 'Mo' Better Brokeback.'"</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJnGYYjrLd-xrBq-GDOD1mASqHs9VgTYeKWxlWyKdostJxuAqKySU9WOqr0n_EG-JEWt9yYjXkwt96M4zJb_CMt1Aff6J-WSqQISLhwVLkw-LDjZCdrvONNkYnuydIogC9ltmkV8vPvwc/s1600/meter.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJnGYYjrLd-xrBq-GDOD1mASqHs9VgTYeKWxlWyKdostJxuAqKySU9WOqr0n_EG-JEWt9yYjXkwt96M4zJb_CMt1Aff6J-WSqQISLhwVLkw-LDjZCdrvONNkYnuydIogC9ltmkV8vPvwc/s320/meter.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><b>5) The New York City Department of Transportation will transform 12,000 obsolete parking meters into:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.streetsblog.org/2013/01/09/nyc-dot-prepares-for-12000-parking-meter-to-bike-rack-conversions/"><span style="color: red;">Bike racks</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Bike share docking stations</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Electric car charging stations</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">Canoe mooring stations in anticipation of rising sea levels caused by climate change</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjq594alM_DJHpZdm8-3YjdLYeTkUNbAVwBeBGXwRlRxccHz1Q7pCsfEZQ3F5urIfa7v05qDA-MYl3cgrLWhIMHZ41-Ruzz-HDu3ya8ye1e5MTSTTFoj-W_aOVweFhdSI_R8n5GJnzgkc/s1600/NYC-Phone-Booth-Library.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjq594alM_DJHpZdm8-3YjdLYeTkUNbAVwBeBGXwRlRxccHz1Q7pCsfEZQ3F5urIfa7v05qDA-MYl3cgrLWhIMHZ41-Ruzz-HDu3ya8ye1e5MTSTTFoj-W_aOVweFhdSI_R8n5GJnzgkc/s320/NYC-Phone-Booth-Library.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Sometimes <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/09/nyregion/ny-designer-puts-lending-libraries-into-pay-phone-kiosks.html?_r=0">a little reading material</a> can help get things moving.)</div><br /><b>6) <i>The New York Times</i> recently reported that three out of five New Yorkers admit to relieving themselves inside a phone booth at least once during the past four weeks.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/audio.php?file=false001&word=false&text=%5C%3Cspan%20class%3D%22unicode%22%3E%CB%88%3C%2Fspan%3Ef%3Cspan%20class%3D%22unicode%22%3Eo%CC%87%3C%2Fspan%3Els%5C"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-346BlIhXubAlYXyCGhfTz-oi57ReM8K3n-A1ax-PukhRYuUx6Ny1n8whWtygHVF-_8Ctj7BlkHSkVSdt1Z0Je1lj9t1ppmcBuCrXoIYtd0GITXigIeC_gbO8AsE-9K5-J75xh3ISA78/s1600/121009mike2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-346BlIhXubAlYXyCGhfTz-oi57ReM8K3n-A1ax-PukhRYuUx6Ny1n8whWtygHVF-_8Ctj7BlkHSkVSdt1Z0Je1lj9t1ppmcBuCrXoIYtd0GITXigIeC_gbO8AsE-9K5-J75xh3ISA78/s1600/121009mike2.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("Is my scranus supposed to hurt like this?")</div><br /><b>7) New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says bike share is:</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.streetsblog.org/2013/01/11/bloomberg-on-the-radio-bike-share-is-the-wave-of-the-future/"><span style="color: red;">The "wave of the future"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"Pie in the sky"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"Smugness incarnate"</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">"Now delayed until at least 2016"</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>***Special Oprah-Themed Bonus Question***</b></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSSrlRY_ex69pfYzbHfKa3-zoTtInTwCHNab7aeGgTNGaIJAE7U6xCd4Y67PcNxj1v4XfASKEtPdlWVlyj_chP1mAAMohpPGBQqu5E1bGeOWGMQUCGV0z3Rj0jR_mVK_57cEhU1VWhNPU/s1600/oprah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSSrlRY_ex69pfYzbHfKa3-zoTtInTwCHNab7aeGgTNGaIJAE7U6xCd4Y67PcNxj1v4XfASKEtPdlWVlyj_chP1mAAMohpPGBQqu5E1bGeOWGMQUCGV0z3Rj0jR_mVK_57cEhU1VWhNPU/s320/oprah.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(One of these Oprahs is actually Phil Liggett. Can you guess which?)</div><br /><b>In a scandal that just keeps getting weirder, it's been revealed that Lance Armstrong was planning to fake his Oprah interview, and had actually arranged to sit down with Phil Liggett in a fatsuit.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rah3_K7Er2U"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a><br />--<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_5tY-XfbgJe0/Swhlzx-WY-I/AAAAAAAADbM/NOmdmwICYP8/s400/dsc03009.jpg"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a><br /><br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-5880015324260803572013-01-10T07:34:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.746-08:00Retrofit This: Take Your Ball And Go HomeYou know how it is. You're sitting in Dunkin' Donuts, working on a bagel with the size and consistency of a jogging stoller tire. Then, next thing you know, <a href="http://gothamist.com/2013/01/09/4_hurt_after_car_crashes_in_brookly.php">there's an actual car tire on your face</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheddDyonlbMAC1rwwd5NNETaN0kfhglSI-y6ea2998zn0Cn3WBFRhoiF9dml4KhiFN1DWDmLhBQjXRd61Bqv_684MH9pehdAXTZcBc4aKHqPlb6is64V_hFtf1IRf9lRiKGUvX9Mv82-8/s1600/dunkin+donuts.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheddDyonlbMAC1rwwd5NNETaN0kfhglSI-y6ea2998zn0Cn3WBFRhoiF9dml4KhiFN1DWDmLhBQjXRd61Bqv_684MH9pehdAXTZcBc4aKHqPlb6is64V_hFtf1IRf9lRiKGUvX9Mv82-8/s320/dunkin+donuts.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>If you're wondering why some New Yorkers get so upset about cyclists when drivers regularly plow into retail establishments, the answer is that they're fucking idiots--which, as it happens, is the same reason people eat the bagels at Dunkin' Donuts. <br /><br />Meanwhile, in the ongoing effort to coddle you until the police fail to charge the driver who runs you over, <a href="http://www.streetsblog.org/2013/01/09/nyc-dot-prepares-for-12000-parking-meter-to-bike-rack-conversions/">the New York City Department of Transportation is turning 12,000 obsolete parking meters into bike racks</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggJOWVhVvoFSqd72Nw0H1F4XH-msiC99gpfD9kLKGh5vF_0l2zhizLJ3TVwL3QUyOVfTAzjI71k2SLk6KtY_YW8Pa-CUYcKqM2cPBdLKPH00yrlhyCiBjDw4UWRoOKvdJMs3Fe7m9Z2Ks/s1600/parking+meters.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggJOWVhVvoFSqd72Nw0H1F4XH-msiC99gpfD9kLKGh5vF_0l2zhizLJ3TVwL3QUyOVfTAzjI71k2SLk6KtY_YW8Pa-CUYcKqM2cPBdLKPH00yrlhyCiBjDw4UWRoOKvdJMs3Fe7m9Z2Ks/s320/parking+meters.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>This retrofit merely legitimizes the way people have already been using parking meters for decades, which is why the city will also transform its over 11,000 public telephones into urinals. Most cyclists are pleased about the additional bike parking these new racks will offer--with the notable exception of David Byrne, who declared the program "Bullshit," adding that, "for $2 million I could have designed 12,000 racks that would be far more useless." Given <a href="http://www.bam.org/visit/david-byrne-bike-racks">his recent work at the Brooklyn Academy of Music</a>, it's hard not to believe him:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5h2gsYRKr-6Czi1CRgnvQROsEPi619hDzxaHdRDldgD06aH6LdP-giVzeY_YQv1nYMWDHzNdVJtOEFXUEXGM387Vip7Azz9VyqM0SbGA3jz-bf9ShlE-x7hX404hwytL9vqW9GFVavOc/s1600/bam.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5h2gsYRKr-6Czi1CRgnvQROsEPi619hDzxaHdRDldgD06aH6LdP-giVzeY_YQv1nYMWDHzNdVJtOEFXUEXGM387Vip7Azz9VyqM0SbGA3jz-bf9ShlE-x7hX404hwytL9vqW9GFVavOc/s1600/bam.jpeg" /></a></div><br />With 12,000 characters to work with, Byrne could have written a novella in inconvenient bike racks.<br /><br />Also in New York City cycling news, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/10/nyregion/joshua-p-rechnitz-abandons-plan-for-velodrome-in-brooklyn-bridge-park.html?hp&_r=0">the dream of a Brooklyn velodrome is officially dead</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMd09_iohwCRvq3Ih4o43p_dUAbi7_Yc2ncErube71OtnT28z6ydeWQ7sg4zgI3kAE4N92LKuBY8ZJA4K9X0FMMhz_zFdMl1qgIImdq333CQf9i4KglFtAxFukjxY-SugHTYfG8L8md9o/s1600/philanthropist.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMd09_iohwCRvq3Ih4o43p_dUAbi7_Yc2ncErube71OtnT28z6ydeWQ7sg4zgI3kAE4N92LKuBY8ZJA4K9X0FMMhz_zFdMl1qgIImdq333CQf9i4KglFtAxFukjxY-SugHTYfG8L8md9o/s320/philanthropist.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Because Brooklyn is now too expensive even for gazillionaire philanthropists:<br /><br /><i>“You can’t build a facility of this nature, at this site, at this budget,” said Greg J. Brooks, the executive director of N.Y.C. Fieldhouse, the nonprofit group behind the project. “We’re very excited and eager to find a new home for this recreation center and velodrome. The funding remains intact.”</i><br /><br />Not that anybody wanted it in the first place:<br /><br /><i>Some Brooklyn Heights residents who live near the proposed site, at Furman Street near Pier 5, had objected to the size of the building and its potential effect on traffic and parking. Others chafed at the notion that a millionaire could, with a large donation, impose an obscure sport on a city park.</i><br /><br />I agree with them on the "obscure sport" part, and certainly any recreational facility should serve the activities and interests of area residents. That's why I'm pleased to announce my gift to the city of a new state-of-the-art Wankotorium in Brooklyn Bridge Park, where the people of gentrified Brooklyn can engage in their favorite pastime of "foffing off" over themselves. Each seat in the Wankotorium will feature a lubrication dispenser, a high-definition LED screen that allows the wanker to gaze lovingly upon himself, and full Internet connectivity for sharing details about the wank across social networking sites. This should provide an attractive alternative to the currently favored onanistic practice of Brooklynites, which is furtively pleasuring themselves in the bathrooms of new condo developments during open houses. (It's a rare gentrifier that can gaze upon a state-of-the-art open plan kitchen without experiencing the need for immediate release.)<br /><br />On-site bike parking at the Brooklyn Wankotorium will of course be designed by David Byrne.<br /><br />Speaking of bad taste, it's hard not to think "That's the way the ball bounces" as you read about <a href="http://www.outsideonline.com/news-from-the-field/Joyful-Zorb-Ride-Turns-Deadly.html">this zorb ride gone horribly awry</a>, as forwarded by a reader:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlutuQKk2mnGz6vCGh16G6UmizZL-rsShzIak4-Hrdh-tiPaQXw-kz6Voqt_MEU4cj-MEyxofA3iK3xM9IWZdWuVJ58v8MxZ7RT18j6jP8Rc7B4FnkbdudhJBor7-YIW9vnuaBs8a7iI8/s1600/zorb.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlutuQKk2mnGz6vCGh16G6UmizZL-rsShzIak4-Hrdh-tiPaQXw-kz6Voqt_MEU4cj-MEyxofA3iK3xM9IWZdWuVJ58v8MxZ7RT18j6jP8Rc7B4FnkbdudhJBor7-YIW9vnuaBs8a7iI8/s320/zorb.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>Sometimes in life the unthinkable happens. Other times, someone dies after bouncing around on top of a mountain inside of a giant hamster ball. In any case, this is the biggest large orb-related tragedy since <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2009/11/culling-culture-great-balls-of-lips.html">the Flaming Lips guy got stuffed into a hairy vagina ball</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwysaVbGXeA8KPJefmLm0aRtixLRZly67-ihdHfz7MQg_OzfGROnuQxMI2Zs5Qb-cjEX29VfWzpib25wA3dP2J9hGxfvxQFjHU_nKIWc4aM_76Uzttl-MlgbE6Hv0lUuQtSjzprP2L2P8/s1600/Flaming+Lips3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwysaVbGXeA8KPJefmLm0aRtixLRZly67-ihdHfz7MQg_OzfGROnuQxMI2Zs5Qb-cjEX29VfWzpib25wA3dP2J9hGxfvxQFjHU_nKIWc4aM_76Uzttl-MlgbE6Hv0lUuQtSjzprP2L2P8/s320/Flaming+Lips3.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">By the way, that video was filmed in Portland, and it remains the definitive document of the local ethos:</div><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TMCNhRmye2w" width="400"></iframe> <br /><br />Even the naked mass riots in Portland are polite, boring, and racially homogenous.<br /><br />Of course, <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/533814193/earth-bike-banjo-earth-month-2013-tour-and-album-r?ref=live">dreamy music videos with bikes in them</a> aren't restricted to Portland--even though they should be:<br /><br /><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/533814193/earth-bike-banjo-earth-month-2013-tour-and-album-r/widget/video.html" width="480"> </iframe> <br /><br />Needs more hairy vagina balls. And maybe a concerned Scottish guy with a camouflage beard:<br /><br /><br /><i><b><a href="http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/3535460619.html">Brunette girl with bike bleeding morning of NYE - m4w</a></b> - 28 (SoHo)</i><br /><i>Date: 2013-01-10, 7:14AM EST</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>You were standing on the corner of Mulberry and Prince with blood running down your knee just above your black stockings and I couldn't help but notice all the blood on your upper thigh as you lifted the edge of your shorts to look at your wound. You caught me starring at you and looked up with the cutest smile I've seen in a while you said sorry and moved closer to the edge of the sidewalk. I asked you what happened and all you said was " I got hit by a truck on Canal street." and laughed like you were happy about it. All I could manage was "You poor thing" as you just smiled and laughed a little and said "Sick jacket." You were on my mind that whole day and I know this is weird but I've been thinking of you and i'm pretty sure I saw you on the damn bike in the city the other day you were cutting through 17th wearing some shorts a black sweater and a denim jacket. Before I could attempt to say something you glanced over at me then took off and turned down on 8th ave. I've never written one of these before and i know you'll more than likely will never see this. but Id like to see you and that amazing smile again. If this is that girl let me know the color of your bike bag and the color of the beanie you were wearing the day you were hit. </i><br /><i><br /></i><i>-Scottish guy with the sb camo jacket and beard </i><br /><br />Your beard should always match your jacket.<br /><br /><br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-35059527301612482532013-01-09T16:10:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.739-08:00New Office Hours / Metro TAP Subsidy / U-Locks & Bike Lights For Sale at Caltech Bookstore<span style="font-size: small;"><b>We now have office hours every weekday! Starting Jan 14th, 2013, these are our regular office hours:<br /><br />Mon 6-7 PM</b> Paul at Bike Lab<br /><b>Tue 12-1 PM </b>Laura<b> </b>at Bike Lab<b><br />Tue 5-7 PM </b>Daven and Jeff at Bike Lab<br /><b>Wed 6-7 PM</b> Ari at Bike Lab<br /><b> Thu 12-1:30 PM</b> Jeff & Luca at Olive Walk</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><b>T</b><b>hu 6-7 PM</b> Eric at Bike Lab<br /><b>Fri 12-1 PM</b> Leon, Margie at Bike Lab </span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>METRO TAP SUBSIDY</b></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;"><u>You can now get $5 off a $20 TAP credit reload at the Caltech<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>Bookstore.</u> Payable by cash or credit card (not with your Bursar<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>account) It is a subsidy provided by Caltech Transportation Office to<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>support public transit use by members of Caltech community. Show your<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>Caltech ID.</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">TAP cards are the fare payment system now used by all Metro rail and<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>bus lines. More info on TAP at <a href="http://taptogo.net/" target="_blank">http://taptogo.net/</a>. They also have TAP<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>cards for sale for $2 at the Bookstore.</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>U-LOCKS AND BIKE LIGHTS NOW FOR SALE AT CALTECH BOOKSTORE </b></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">Rear lights are required by law in city of Pasadena, front lights in other parts of LA. Really, you need both. So if you're riding around at night, please use front and rear bike lights.</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">If you're still using a cable lock for your bike, please replace it with a more secure U-lock. Cable locks are easily cut in a few seconds with a cable cutter and are responsibile for making bikes extremely easy to steal by thieves. If you want to make sure your bike is locked properly, use a U-lock and remember to lock your frame, not just your wheels.</span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;"><u>Caltech Bookstore now sells bike lights and U-locks. Tell you<span style="font-size: small;">r friends!</span></u></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><b></b></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>FIRST BIKE SI<span style="font-size: small;">GNAL IN THE <span style="font-size: small;">SAN GABRIEL VALLEY!</span></span></b></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK6vsQNg7U6V3eMD3_qf079edAro0BBzj5kYEsVJa5Bv0HBu7XPOYy-AJNKqjHDA6UhFEnR8Am9aY7a4KryKXsrxriH8JNPvI-_0oDSdDCJm8FVa5lZdGp_RI7HK3SGfEkhE5QLLYuP9PD/s1600/orangegrovemarengo.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK6vsQNg7U6V3eMD3_qf079edAro0BBzj5kYEsVJa5Bv0HBu7XPOYy-AJNKqjHDA6UhFEnR8Am9aY7a4KryKXsrxriH8JNPvI-_0oDSdDCJm8FVa5lZdGp_RI7HK3SGfEkhE5QLLYuP9PD/s640/orangegrovemarengo.jpg" width="640" /></a> </span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Marengo and Or<span style="font-size: small;">ange Grove in Pasa<span style="font-size: small;">dena! than<span style="font-size: small;">ks to <a href="https://twitter.com/BikeSGV" target="_blank">@BikeSGV</a> for the picture</span></span></span> </span></span><b><br /></b></span>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-69113018980599111652013-01-09T09:19:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.752-08:00I think it's Wednesday. Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday, right?Well, obviously the big news is that <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/01/man-accused-of-choking-girlfriend-with-dreadlocks/">some dirtbag in Portland (redundant, I know) tried to strangle his girlfriend with his dreadlocks</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpZR37_eYFtDy_E0C1Ydp3CQvilk7QABAmKketLwA0Y7zyBq-quyUFmltzu9VLkOn1YgJRXSZpCn3t9eO-xkS6IU6acPHoYt5G586hyphenhypheni6Yt-sNU_PMOQ_0JcNwsJqfiDnAB8MNlSuMVI/s1600/dreadlocks.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpZR37_eYFtDy_E0C1Ydp3CQvilk7QABAmKketLwA0Y7zyBq-quyUFmltzu9VLkOn1YgJRXSZpCn3t9eO-xkS6IU6acPHoYt5G586hyphenhypheni6Yt-sNU_PMOQ_0JcNwsJqfiDnAB8MNlSuMVI/s320/dreadlocks.jpeg" width="295" /></a></div><br />If you don't know what dreadlocks are, the local ABC affiliate was thoughtful enough to provide a definition:<br /><br /><i>The victim, who was not identified, told police her boyfriend, Caleb Grotberg, choked her with his dreadlocks, which are matted ropes of hair.</i><br /><br />Clearly <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreadlocks">someone's been reading Wikipedia</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtefuowYmm5RXd0VAvrChP6skv8Bl4VIq8uxEAfBpTIw5gbTOVR2feZ7cWrBtOwi58byEAoblPQdc4vE6NQvwFcszuIfJDGNMylMO4ve1E6OadgqmABK1z6QLOEddaX5K7rA8fgFmka4/s1600/wikipedia.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="20" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtefuowYmm5RXd0VAvrChP6skv8Bl4VIq8uxEAfBpTIw5gbTOVR2feZ7cWrBtOwi58byEAoblPQdc4vE6NQvwFcszuIfJDGNMylMO4ve1E6OadgqmABK1z6QLOEddaX5K7rA8fgFmka4/s320/wikipedia.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And here's another fascinating factoid from the same entry:<br /><br /><i>A common misconception is that those who have dreadlocks do not wash their hair, but this is usually not the case. Many dreadlock care regimens require the wearer to wash their hair up to twice a week.</i><br /><br />Twice a week?!? No wonder so many people in Portland are unemployed. With a demanding haircare schedule like that, who has time to work?<br /><br />Anyway, you'll be glad to know his victim was not seriously hurt:<br /><br /><i>The woman was taken to a Portland hospital where she was treated for “numerous, non-life-threatening injuries,” said Sgt. Pete Simpson of the Portland Police Bureau.</i><br /><br />Fortunately, objectionable odors are rarely life-threatening. Nevertheless, this is undoubtedly the worst alternative lifestyle fashion accessory-related assault in Portland since police ended the Prince Albert Assassin's genital piercing pulling spree in 1998:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2tCoKUNiwAr0YOKJjAA5M0uvXNuYc0iKdg_liz1rpg0Y_Ozj7G_3RrcnJQcQUQJQvCdFHibI6zfjgqA6Pk2BckAjoHPs8Wk7yTVrDFKHP2qmepoj8hAPFWCNYvMv2ilGY9tJCBQ8EWYI/s1600/pliers.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2tCoKUNiwAr0YOKJjAA5M0uvXNuYc0iKdg_liz1rpg0Y_Ozj7G_3RrcnJQcQUQJQvCdFHibI6zfjgqA6Pk2BckAjoHPs8Wk7yTVrDFKHP2qmepoj8hAPFWCNYvMv2ilGY9tJCBQ8EWYI/s320/pliers.jpeg" width="268" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(In the public restrooms of Portland in the 1990s, no urethra was safe.)</div><br />Ironically, the Prince Albert Assassin now has a prison job installing rivets into Brooks knockoff saddles.<br /><br />The other big news of course is <a href="http://www.oprah.com/pressroom/Lance-Armstrong-on-Oprahs-Next-Chapter">the Lance Armstrong x Oprah Winfried "collabo" currently in the works</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglZjikcM4CZWiRR0bHaIBkhGh72RzVfREtc3ismywaBZy0QONCqy2DTL1K4vhp7ZpxCZWAkQEqF0WgTSDCn1QB490xN_Om5iHfXH9aNoeFGQHQEXLE46n2-g2k1iVT2_xmDVa7t95fff4/s1600/lance+oprah.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglZjikcM4CZWiRR0bHaIBkhGh72RzVfREtc3ismywaBZy0QONCqy2DTL1K4vhp7ZpxCZWAkQEqF0WgTSDCn1QB490xN_Om5iHfXH9aNoeFGQHQEXLE46n2-g2k1iVT2_xmDVa7t95fff4/s320/lance+oprah.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />The consensus seems to be that one of two things is going to happen during this interview:<br /><br />1) Lance Armstrong is going to confess to using performance-enhancing drugs;<br /><br />or<br /><br />2) He and Oprah are going to spend the entire 90 minutes having passionate sex while Larry King reads aloud from "Fifty Shades of Grey," which will cause everyone in the world to forget the whole doping controversy once and for all.<br /><br />In the public relations business, scenario number two is what is known as a "pop culture hard reset." It's basically the equivalent of mass electro-shock therapy, only it causes a lot more vomiting.<br /><br />Either way, as we watched Armstrong stomp to (temporary) victory all those years, who would have thought it would all come down to an Oprah interview? Already it feels like the final episode of "Seinfeld," and just like in that "Seinfeld" all the characters--even the minor ones--are coming back to feast on the media buffet and repeat their famous catch phrases one last time. Even <a href="http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/08/armstrong-set-to-appear-on-oprah-next-week-as-new-allegation-surfaces/">Robert Mackey is writing about it</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh3QwLhevRywYIw6zDG3U0Fw_d_9TecNg3zfBH3YaWNorzI1nDl_hwjysl2NeXIjcTvzSPHA_Ql54eF6wWUveSgNdgzg41f56QMg-cQkvvlrD6uLZ7bPqP1boAUF4_4Lhz19rsAEPCPa0/s1600/robert+mackey.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh3QwLhevRywYIw6zDG3U0Fw_d_9TecNg3zfBH3YaWNorzI1nDl_hwjysl2NeXIjcTvzSPHA_Ql54eF6wWUveSgNdgzg41f56QMg-cQkvvlrD6uLZ7bPqP1boAUF4_4Lhz19rsAEPCPa0/s320/robert+mackey.jpeg" width="257" /></a></div>You may remember Robert Mackey as <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-not-about-riding-cycling-blogging.html">the guy who bought a Cervelo and decided to ride the Tour de France</a>, and then <a href="http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-12-10/news/bloggers-vs-an-author-no-one-wins/5/">got really upset because some people gave him a hard time about it</a>:<br /><br /><i>"A lot of those people almost ruined that experience for me," notes Robert Mackey, a writer for </i>The New York Times<i> website, referring to writing The Climb, a blogged account of his time riding much of the Tour de France route this summer as a novice cyclist. While the overwhelming number of comments were positive, <b>Mackey found that a group of self-described "bike snobs" kept sparking dozens of "weird, angry" comments that he had to edit,</b> including the bizarre contention that he had no "right" to do what he was doing, or even that he should hand over his bike to a poorer, more "worthy" cyclist—a demand made by the cyclist himself. It was a black-hole conversation, one that produced infinite heat and no light.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>"It was an unbelievable experience—like editing graffiti," remembers Mackey. "It makes you feel awful about the world."</i><br /><br />What a literary NIMBY. He didn't <i>have</i> to edit them; rather, he <i>chose</i> to edit them, because apparently he subscribes to the uniquely American view that everybody is supposed to unanimously celebrate everything you do, especially if you've spent large sums of money in order to do it. If you want to pretend everyone in the world thinks what you're doing is fantastic, you probably shouldn't write about it on the Internet.<br /><br />No, the proper venue for that sort of self-mythologizing is the Oprah show.<br /><br />Anyway, no doubt there will be Oprah viewing parties next Thursday at bars everywhere, though the roadies won't be attending since 9:00pm is way past their bedtime, and also they're almost as afraid of bars as they are of dirt. Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Oprah without including this:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iQMQ7Usqisg" width="400"></iframe> <br /><br />I'm looking forward to having a good cry as I always do while watching Oprah, as well as to hard-hitting questions like, "What is a bike?"<br /><br />Speaking of denial, awhile back I mentioned a film called "I Am Not A Hipster," and while I'm far too lazy to find the post in which I mentioned it, the filmmakers wanted me to let you know that <a href="http://iamnotahipster.com/">it's showing in New York this Thursday</a>. Here's their new trailer:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/56897454?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" width="500"></iframe> <br /><a href="http://vimeo.com/56897454">I AM NOT A HIPSTER (Trailer Two)</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/destindaniel">Destin Daniel Cretton</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">As you can see, this movie has something for everyone, assuming everyone is a hipster. There are butts:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgV1wqwrHHE4_riWcH04u2wtURtkCfDSMzyoXJ-2-wFRRkpzvNaNDvQ-YuJxYr4LPNaBQn9dFnQgLGzzy-h7q03hZNIgvnk9Io9raFVYgfNpR7my823cG42C6AyNzL-dhrw0JMxobOAU/s1600/butts.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEgV1wqwrHHE4_riWcH04u2wtURtkCfDSMzyoXJ-2-wFRRkpzvNaNDvQ-YuJxYr4LPNaBQn9dFnQgLGzzy-h7q03hZNIgvnk9Io9raFVYgfNpR7my823cG42C6AyNzL-dhrw0JMxobOAU/s320/butts.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And hairstyles:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKB8kJNzni0vkK1eqcV0lV7ZQulPy9dH41z_V1VUAIdQHY4e2L9NnJh-1gqc_LSeklMuiGszL8GjaLUq4zIqLmHg9ib80eVCKJBqek3PT702xVsZRPY2SDDb-ynt__DYUO55bHeuD24U/s1600/hair.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTKB8kJNzni0vkK1eqcV0lV7ZQulPy9dH41z_V1VUAIdQHY4e2L9NnJh-1gqc_LSeklMuiGszL8GjaLUq4zIqLmHg9ib80eVCKJBqek3PT702xVsZRPY2SDDb-ynt__DYUO55bHeuD24U/s320/hair.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And fixie geared bikes:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqFB0h1guZzi7q3d-8sRzS0fB7xJDRozzaa2KVVCws4DFcc0QlQPdJCnbTgOsFQ_vmB6UBuqdw3qKa6F02S4py4UnWT7g0uQ6O7m1MsqxdonBlGGO44Z5QtUzTz-UIuGjltFsgkX1AsEs/s1600/bikes.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqFB0h1guZzi7q3d-8sRzS0fB7xJDRozzaa2KVVCws4DFcc0QlQPdJCnbTgOsFQ_vmB6UBuqdw3qKa6F02S4py4UnWT7g0uQ6O7m1MsqxdonBlGGO44Z5QtUzTz-UIuGjltFsgkX1AsEs/s320/bikes.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And butts:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq-2Eryj-nsRJdW9KCLQxVTZvqqpZHqidZViUxuiLxRjRNHSdpLETTaMBV7gCRbtzejw_RuceX4co0ncHF5KFpwLQQF-n2kU-EYOpy4fsLa7X079u2dizAvLDUPjUYcH6CCHafvDiGcy8/s1600/butts.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq-2Eryj-nsRJdW9KCLQxVTZvqqpZHqidZViUxuiLxRjRNHSdpLETTaMBV7gCRbtzejw_RuceX4co0ncHF5KFpwLQQF-n2kU-EYOpy4fsLa7X079u2dizAvLDUPjUYcH6CCHafvDiGcy8/s320/butts.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And also reviews:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFLlWRT0C4HOTvT7-EfXfxJjSPxKIJ3UuA5msbcLQ69GIxzsIXmwb0dhv-XFRH1zm5Y37XLkWyiiDI-zxtn59HaU-Os49Psfl_qgm1McpbKfsVm0P-AL_l8u4mdOyQ7omkMooL44fFu6g/s1600/five+easy+pieces.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFLlWRT0C4HOTvT7-EfXfxJjSPxKIJ3UuA5msbcLQ69GIxzsIXmwb0dhv-XFRH1zm5Y37XLkWyiiDI-zxtn59HaU-Os49Psfl_qgm1McpbKfsVm0P-AL_l8u4mdOyQ7omkMooL44fFu6g/s320/five+easy+pieces.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Is that even supposed to be good?<br /><br />Here's another review:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYiy_u4wj27_UNUGMQZATk-cm_N3dnCnqpV_lAwpY6IJewkD5xkpieRonURM1RqQu3Tw-lHpwMn5fmgPcHoanDZSfbxfoAn4w05OzuVZZIX2U1FDECICEGd-9w0mDZLZtYgCn1QQmtp_M/s1600/hate+hipsters.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYiy_u4wj27_UNUGMQZATk-cm_N3dnCnqpV_lAwpY6IJewkD5xkpieRonURM1RqQu3Tw-lHpwMn5fmgPcHoanDZSfbxfoAn4w05OzuVZZIX2U1FDECICEGd-9w0mDZLZtYgCn1QQmtp_M/s320/hate+hipsters.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />That's a blurb that, because of all the commas, I don't know if, he means he fell in love with the movie, or he fell in love with, hipsters.<br /><br />I should disclose that the filmmakers have offered to send me a DVD of the movie, but I'm not going to accept. That's because I'm a total hipster, and I only watch movies on VHS. Everybody knows DVDs are the Armani Exchange of video formats. Also, I don't want to give away the ending, but it turns out the main character has a stalker from Portland who strangles him to death with his dreadlocks. Think "Talk Radio," only with dreadlocks instead of Jew-fros:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7N4pUPaCtdCkJLQcK9BkTsjbpRxXxE4Ug6YKPIuHbn1Nj932uhcKLtiTS_c-KZXdCwvdHUCkKMvCqMbiNU1vnavHY16e_chSF2Hjm3bFxIUJ4bjkJ-rxDunF4EBC3smF3FSbt7mIUzo/s1600/talkradio1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7N4pUPaCtdCkJLQcK9BkTsjbpRxXxE4Ug6YKPIuHbn1Nj932uhcKLtiTS_c-KZXdCwvdHUCkKMvCqMbiNU1vnavHY16e_chSF2Hjm3bFxIUJ4bjkJ-rxDunF4EBC3smF3FSbt7mIUzo/s320/talkradio1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(I don't think Eric Bogosian is Jewish, but the character he played in "Talk Radio" was, which makes this a Jew-fro.)</div><br />Actually, there appear to be plenty of Jew-fros in "I Am Not A Hipster" as well, so if you're a total hipster I recommend having a fatal hairstyle VHS film festival and watching both movies back-to-back.<br /><br />Lastly, Rabobank is now the Blanco Pro Cycling Team:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/TjCeignan5U" width="400"></iframe> <br /><a href="http://www.blancoprocyclingteam.com/">Here's the pitch</a>:<br /><br /><i>A new team, a fresh start, a blank canvas. The Blanco Pro Cycling Team riders and staff are determined to create an upbeat and transparent future. We will play a role in taking cycling to where it belongs; in the heart and mind of cycling fans around the world. We will build and foster great cycling talent and we will inspire a new generation of riders and fans. The team is committed to perform at the highest level and we will do so in an honest and trustworthy way. We welcome you to join us on this ride. Ride the future.</i><br /><br />"Transparency" is the new "laterally stiff yet vertically compliant."<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-34651681611035084242013-01-08T08:57:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.738-08:00Innovation: Hands-Free Driving for Brain-Free LivingFirstly, here's <a href="http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F70913F7395A16738DDDAF0994DD405B8685F0D3">some crazy shit that went down back in Eighteen Hundred Ninety And Six</a>:<br /><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFL4yzbMRTRF8sZZFC3F2UNXvoMV-uz0CLq7L27mF9yp-rccEVjfWoLfI0yvPRaq1BGjpUbl-SgGO-bRd4LA1kid83TCr6zxKYkMqvJ6952j32AMmzzpAr4nysAcc8RRpSecBAOdSN9Qg/s1600/robbery+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFL4yzbMRTRF8sZZFC3F2UNXvoMV-uz0CLq7L27mF9yp-rccEVjfWoLfI0yvPRaq1BGjpUbl-SgGO-bRd4LA1kid83TCr6zxKYkMqvJ6952j32AMmzzpAr4nysAcc8RRpSecBAOdSN9Qg/s320/robbery+copy.jpg" width="120" /></a></div><div>That's why I always carry an India rubber bulb syringe filled with condensed ammonia.</div><div><br /></div><div>Secondly, <a href="http://www.streetsblog.org/2013/01/07/an-argument-for-protected-bike-lanes-in-one-photograph/">here's some crazy shit that went down last week</a>:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir_38eL6AmbPoCnk9kbS2uinEyd5lIzFj8vIqLsRjPQ6e262lIJ7O18El62es8JzhY_CRrXYgHg9pXGC5qs3bfXA4_C0qoTkqT66IDtVsJuynobI8yfY0U8SDO6N9lphE4ZTbI1Jk6wLs/s1600/van+on+bike+lane.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir_38eL6AmbPoCnk9kbS2uinEyd5lIzFj8vIqLsRjPQ6e262lIJ7O18El62es8JzhY_CRrXYgHg9pXGC5qs3bfXA4_C0qoTkqT66IDtVsJuynobI8yfY0U8SDO6N9lphE4ZTbI1Jk6wLs/s320/van+on+bike+lane.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>It's been about twenty-five years since I've ridden a skateboard, so I'm not sure what kind of grind this is. It doesn't really match any of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grinds_(skateboarding)">the grinds on Wikipedia</a>, so maybe we need a new name for this one, in which case I'd suggest "Retarded Van Grind." (I'm sure someone's going to get offended by my use of the "R" word, but if you've got a more fitting way to describe what this van did I'd love to hear it.) Also, I always enjoy looking up the license plates in cases like these, and while the owner of the van still owes $115 for parking in a no-standing zone last month, I don't see any violation listed for parking on top of a protected bike lane:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtxQxER4WInQDrJ1SJWwo1_-dfA7veREdRrluAOuy0MdOFX4w_ajNro08Wi9ByiSGp0DwFhS8LbMxUsf4rMWxSjET2fFkHgJR0iAOvzBpiW7WQCekVqPyvm-ai0ge2193VW2QaWTjki8/s1600/ticket.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtxQxER4WInQDrJ1SJWwo1_-dfA7veREdRrluAOuy0MdOFX4w_ajNro08Wi9ByiSGp0DwFhS8LbMxUsf4rMWxSjET2fFkHgJR0iAOvzBpiW7WQCekVqPyvm-ai0ge2193VW2QaWTjki8/s320/ticket.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div>It could just be that it hasn't been logged into the system yet--or, more likely, the authorities simply administered assistance and a congratulatory high five for the radical Retarded Van Grind and sent him on his way. <br /><br />(And no, Retarded Van Grind was <i>not</i> a Classics rider from the 1960s--though if we was, obviously it would be pronounced "<i>Van Greeend</i>" with a guttural "G.")</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, here's <a href="http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/News/Bollard-theft-allowed-car-on-to-bike-bridge-08012013.htm">the endearing British equivalent of the Retarded Van Grind</a>, as <a href="https://twitter.com/PenttiK/status/288608461233745921">Tweeted at me by a Tweeterer</a>:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-bVh875Ae3BtTR4S_xpdRvgijGjmnCRDKRwEPxX1HZeBLNqae7rVIqgnRUhUuaJ7uupashSUBpOwI8ZfBApc768CvAHQES3MpaNA2b9WG5SXh56yx7YPs_zmejB-7DrzHY3kIO-vRQU/s1600/jaguar.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-bVh875Ae3BtTR4S_xpdRvgijGjmnCRDKRwEPxX1HZeBLNqae7rVIqgnRUhUuaJ7uupashSUBpOwI8ZfBApc768CvAHQES3MpaNA2b9WG5SXh56yx7YPs_zmejB-7DrzHY3kIO-vRQU/s320/jaguar.jpeg" width="259" /></a></div><div>What makes this charmingly British is that the car was a Jaguar and the driver backed away awkwardly, like an embarassed houseguest who's just knocked over a vase:</div><div><br /></div><div><i>He had to reverse all the way back down again in a dramatic episode which lasted at least 20 minutes and led to ominous creaking noises from the structure.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Especially British is the description of the incident as "dramatic." Here in Canada's filthy underpants, a motor-vehicular mishap only qualifies as dramatic if the death toll is in the double digits. Single-digit death tolls (to say nothing of sleep-inducing incidents in which nobody dies, like this one) are well within the margins of what's considered acceptable collateral damage. Also, we don't back away gingerly from our mistakes; instead, when things start going awry we just mash down even harder on the gas pedal--unless we have access to a firearm, of course, in which case we just shoot our way out.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fortunately though, the days of motor vehicle mayhem are nearly at an end, since <a href="http://autos.yahoo.com/blogs/motoramic/2013-lincoln-mkz-drives-itself-motoramic-tv-163320831.html">the cars can now drive themselves</a>:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3Eu2BBSMAf_lwNHccrtZ_edMYd1eDd4hOSMT6Jk_8UQ1uqjd0Nd5p3WHTnX-SbbjdAlrR8SNd1tzhgGSZMWvW2IFR3opcJ6_B_LrAHl8bPQzOdPpwsTgu31gXAmQru0u4FbGpQwFVs8/s1600/lincoln.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3Eu2BBSMAf_lwNHccrtZ_edMYd1eDd4hOSMT6Jk_8UQ1uqjd0Nd5p3WHTnX-SbbjdAlrR8SNd1tzhgGSZMWvW2IFR3opcJ6_B_LrAHl8bPQzOdPpwsTgu31gXAmQru0u4FbGpQwFVs8/s400/lincoln.jpeg" width="392" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Happy wanking! It's impossible to imagine any kind of scenario in which this kind of technology could possibly go wrong, especially when it's made by Lincoln.</div><div><br />Meanwhile, in bicycle product marketing news, I received a press release from <a href="http://www.fizik.com/">Fizik</a> (or f'i"z*k:, as their name is technically rendered), informing me that they're now in the cockpit business:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOLZCzAmqWiSaBvyFklkqo05PQvfMCuX2BHNii6NsEuHMm20vUuHa1q0Vd23b51IglNwD0pNTuFQEB3MblETI0iywh9II1S2iPPbyHfwIUI9WNLZlLGaTkWx1DWkv6hcg0XaeIi7xxwPA/s1600/fizik_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOLZCzAmqWiSaBvyFklkqo05PQvfMCuX2BHNii6NsEuHMm20vUuHa1q0Vd23b51IglNwD0pNTuFQEB3MblETI0iywh9II1S2iPPbyHfwIUI9WNLZlLGaTkWx1DWkv6hcg0XaeIi7xxwPA/s320/fizik_4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div>This is great news, because if you've been shopping for road bike handlebars recently you know there are only about four million bends and styles to choose from:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwiRWrM9nzdv-6M81Be_aH-Ct7tmQ5LK-uYji3l7FTLokiwzyxXtpFxqATFIeEZFCrBPpZd2Za5huQ2745QpNiw2D2ywcleLOnav737jQe-bKWRoJVMdoF0Ga1-BVuWDhDYeUTP6saHjQ/s1600/bars.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwiRWrM9nzdv-6M81Be_aH-Ct7tmQ5LK-uYji3l7FTLokiwzyxXtpFxqATFIeEZFCrBPpZd2Za5huQ2745QpNiw2D2ywcleLOnav737jQe-bKWRoJVMdoF0Ga1-BVuWDhDYeUTP6saHjQ/s320/bars.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Make it stop!!!)</div><br />By the way, in searching for random images of handlebars I came across <a href="http://cyclingarchitects.blogspot.com/2011/11/gilles-berthoud-rohloff-shifter-on-drop.html">this incredible cockpit</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_kxw7XFBAouC9u9iERl0EI1cv_GggOyuYrD_q-F71bcDh3EBwHE89HPIqFZ2Y5iKwnaF3rcgCYVYuPdLKyo5ZFJYNUplPFUxXUmmNJqzls9TXNDS5xIvjAzXisXvW16acxct8rCO_arM/s1600/cockpit.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_kxw7XFBAouC9u9iERl0EI1cv_GggOyuYrD_q-F71bcDh3EBwHE89HPIqFZ2Y5iKwnaF3rcgCYVYuPdLKyo5ZFJYNUplPFUxXUmmNJqzls9TXNDS5xIvjAzXisXvW16acxct8rCO_arM/s320/cockpit.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If the Ergons won't come to Fred then Fred must hike to the summit of Mount Kludge.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Or something.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In any case, clearly Fizik saw a hole in the market, and then they decided to ignore it and sell handlebars instead--though theirs are apparently different because they're forged from the power of French mediocrity:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>AG2R-LA MONDIALE will be testing the new cockpit system in the world’s most demanding races, supplying the type of feedback that has been the mainstay of the development of fi’zi:k’s exceptional products to date. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And here's one of them playing with his cockpit:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ckRg6MYinzUtgJmOVSydg0-E32Fuk5VLwLQMrz_SFy2qGIoT53KnQJCJOZhY_G__ERusLumOzPobOfvhDNkAOtg1PSLTI08rxCkSlTv7tDeoaBrbjfYqzqKdhtspTN58uF559PG5v4k/s1600/fizik_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ckRg6MYinzUtgJmOVSydg0-E32Fuk5VLwLQMrz_SFy2qGIoT53KnQJCJOZhY_G__ERusLumOzPobOfvhDNkAOtg1PSLTI08rxCkSlTv7tDeoaBrbjfYqzqKdhtspTN58uF559PG5v4k/s320/fizik_2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Did you know that, according to G**gle Translate, the French for "foffing off" is "<i>foffing hors</i>?")</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">He's going to be very happy to hear about that self-driving Lincoln.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Speaking of new products nobody needs, how about yet another folding bike to compete with the Bromptons and the Swifts and the roughly four billion models from Dahon and all the rest of them? Well, naturally there's one on Kickstarter, though it has an impressive pedigree in that it's designed by the guy who invented Rollerblades:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/nexgenbike/nexibike-a-folding-commuter-bicycle/widget/video.html" width="480"> </iframe> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If anybody's qualified to make you look like a circus clown, it's the guy who invented Rollerblades:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TaCLfAZVPLQsmBjoMYLvaqJw0LUDNaWIpFs_ZRMS44qnc3_4Jo4XfmIcjS23a36E7IsjPSoJhGpYE14h8fzx3yD0xtiJf50-GmI4A19V8s_lgZFGlPN75HGFmQQCcamec1ANp3hHM5U/s1600/folding+bike.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TaCLfAZVPLQsmBjoMYLvaqJw0LUDNaWIpFs_ZRMS44qnc3_4Jo4XfmIcjS23a36E7IsjPSoJhGpYE14h8fzx3yD0xtiJf50-GmI4A19V8s_lgZFGlPN75HGFmQQCcamec1ANp3hHM5U/s320/folding+bike.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And while I'm not sure what's new or compelling about this design compared to all the other folding bikes out there, I suppose you could always buy two NexiBikes and strap them to your feet:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHNvhmkriHnBW3dXDQCEqdie5XdzEl4B_tXnoqrRyNOa27LcV_89LRp1R88h0admFW8u5PriyWULlUYk7vJJ8wKE1STFCwx6PnakPrY-t3FxW9exjkkyLrD-hV3b_Vx80FgPBkR8oks1g/s1600/nexi.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHNvhmkriHnBW3dXDQCEqdie5XdzEl4B_tXnoqrRyNOa27LcV_89LRp1R88h0admFW8u5PriyWULlUYk7vJJ8wKE1STFCwx6PnakPrY-t3FxW9exjkkyLrD-hV3b_Vx80FgPBkR8oks1g/s320/nexi.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Actually, I suspect the NexiBike is a cunning ploy by the father of Rollerblades to seduce cyclists and lure them over to the perverse world of wearing shoes with wheels on them. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Lastly, here's a very happy Canadian:</div><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ovLE2ygh-zk" width="400"></iframe> </div><div><br />I think the camera angle is meant to simulate the view of the guy in the bike shop who sold her all that stuff.</div><div><br /></div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-77318402706732023052013-01-07T13:46:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.755-08:00Big Wheels?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq4Uj6i-O3FKNIcrbjxKs-FocgVH2fEUloWECu7KxDv_1dGfZ_hNTzCJhgXMfffTIIbz5_miwdtP3N1eBX9rPnz_W0Yb7MlZKQpi1F5D8HQG7FJloGwFB0ajqHifbpX58HUraWNrEu97IV/s1600/Big-Wheels-Cartoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq4Uj6i-O3FKNIcrbjxKs-FocgVH2fEUloWECu7KxDv_1dGfZ_hNTzCJhgXMfffTIIbz5_miwdtP3N1eBX9rPnz_W0Yb7MlZKQpi1F5D8HQG7FJloGwFB0ajqHifbpX58HUraWNrEu97IV/s400/Big-Wheels-Cartoon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-25943730486443482132013-01-07T09:19:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.733-08:00Breaking News: Thinking About Thinking About Thinking About SomethingFirstly, remember how <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/01/bsyncy-friday-fun-quiz.html">someone got mad and decided to sell my book on eBay</a>? Well, the auction has finally ended, and the book has <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Bike-Snob-by-Eben-Weiss-2010-Hardcover-/330850177747?ssPageName=ADME:L:OC:US:3160">fetched the staggering sum of Fifty-Five Camp USA Fun Tickets (formerly "American dollars")</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrovJb_zqEFv1Y_q_9Pi6uGVucfxMgBRNx5wnXOAya3cii_a_Vq29onzfosxXICDGk1J2nHB_uKtPdZ1r4rBM1Ze_g_gTtH0QOLsV8So9hhlYy7iKUgTGFbmRcoX8Y-jUfvTUdrgSkeas/s1600/ebay.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="91" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrovJb_zqEFv1Y_q_9Pi6uGVucfxMgBRNx5wnXOAya3cii_a_Vq29onzfosxXICDGk1J2nHB_uKtPdZ1r4rBM1Ze_g_gTtH0QOLsV8So9hhlYy7iKUgTGFbmRcoX8Y-jUfvTUdrgSkeas/s320/ebay.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>This just goes to show that:<br /><br />1) Some people will pay for anything;<br /><br />and<br /><br />2) Not liking me is actually a good investment.<br /><br />Secondly, if you consider the exquisite design and seamless functionality of this website, you may be stunned to learn that I actually suck at technology. For example, I have one of those smartphones, and I sometimes use it to read the <i>New York Times</i>. However, no matter how many virtual toggle switches I toggle I cannot get the stupid "app" not to flash me little alerts when big news stories break. For example, when Hillary Clinton's head was about to explode, my phone kept updating me on her condition. Now, I wish Hillary Clinton nothing but the best, but I don't need updates popping up on my phone screen while I'm busy trying to take pictures of my genitals to send to people who say mean things about me on Twitter. It really takes me out of the moment.<br /><br />At the very least though, it seemed like when the <i>New York Times</i> would flash me a news update it would be about something really important, like Hillary Clinton's head is a ticking time bomb, or the House of Representatives has finally voted to procrastinate for a few more months--until Friday night, when my phone starts telling me this:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/05/sports/cycling/lance-armstrong-said-to-weigh-admission-of-doping.html?_r=0">In Reversal, Armstrong Is Said to Weigh Admitting Drug Use</a></i></div><br />Is he admitting it? No. Is he saying he's thinking about admitting it? No. Someone else who won't say who they are is saying that Lance Armstrong is thinking about admitting he took drugs.<br /><br />Lance Armstrong confessing is a big, juicy story. Lance Armstrong "weighing" a confession is not a story, at least not that warrants a "breaking news" alert akin to the Secretary of State's head exploding. It's more of a current events cock tease. Does anybody in the world think he <i>hasn't</i> been weighing it? I'm sure Hillary Clinton also weighed whether or not to bite her husband's penis off during the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and in fact she's probably still weighing it, but I never saw the <i>New York Times</i> publish a story about that--though obviously if she actually goes through with it that would warrant a banner headline.<br /><br />It must be nice to be able to use the <i>New York Times</i> to build buzz for your <a href="http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlny/new-york-times-juliet-macur-to-pen-book-on-lance-armstrong_b71469">upcoming book</a>:<br /><br /><i>“</i>Cycle of Lies<i> will prove definitively that his [Armstrong] extraordinary career had nothing to do with the bike,” David Hirshey, HarperCollins’ executive editor, told the Post.</i><br /><br />Yeah, right, nothing at all. I'm looking forward to seeing how this book manages to prove that Lance Armstrong never rode a bicycle. <br /><br />(So I guess what I'm really saying is, "How do you turn the fucking alerts off on the <i>New York Times </i>app?")<br /><br />Speaking of how out of it I am, a reader forwarded me <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/columnists/alexei-sayle/9780311/Alexei-Sayle-Pedalling-the-dream-on-a-25000-bike.html">a review of a £25,000 (or US$3,000,000,000,000) bicycle</a>, and I had no idea that the guy from "The Young Ones" was now a car reviewer and closet Fred:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sT3xK7F_xtnbQc1SdR0kRuUlk0uzHuj-RSvdSfy_C9k9Xai2MhHebbiDCIfS94L_zZUtrYeStxMGj4qx60SfvxRREAQ5r5kZEOBVBW8OYH1Y3V-GU1hVuXDZ2RXuFijBFi72uaEZxT0/s1600/sayle+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sT3xK7F_xtnbQc1SdR0kRuUlk0uzHuj-RSvdSfy_C9k9Xai2MhHebbiDCIfS94L_zZUtrYeStxMGj4qx60SfvxRREAQ5r5kZEOBVBW8OYH1Y3V-GU1hVuXDZ2RXuFijBFi72uaEZxT0/s320/sayle+1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />But that's only because nobody from "The Young Ones" ever managed to catch on in America. The closest any of them ever came was Rik, who was in that movie "Right Said Fred" or whatever with Phoebe Cates:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHwInfzn91NitTxpPmyvJXdFTf_qni9ZzHa2k25Fazw2fV_ujHXfMue4nBrI-115DH4Axl5-Z49fGaQbavEQLU7Bh-DuMPAQWavTMScRpIX1rjN9kfzZvQHDNHq004muQd_lO_GqhvORE/s1600/Drop-Dead-Fred-drop-dead-fred-1262282_636_486.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHwInfzn91NitTxpPmyvJXdFTf_qni9ZzHa2k25Fazw2fV_ujHXfMue4nBrI-115DH4Axl5-Z49fGaQbavEQLU7Bh-DuMPAQWavTMScRpIX1rjN9kfzZvQHDNHq004muQd_lO_GqhvORE/s320/Drop-Dead-Fred-drop-dead-fred-1262282_636_486.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(That's Rik, not Phoebe Cates.)</div><br />I actually saw the Fred movie in the theater because I was the kind of teenager who really liked British TV shows (a huge dork, in other words), and as I recall it was basically just Rik running around looking like John Lydon.<br /><br />Needless to say, it was not a hit with American audiences, though <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_Dead_Fred">according to Wikipedia the Australians loved it</a>:<br /><br /><i>Although it performed poorly at the US box office, it became Working Title's first financial hit and was (for a time) the most successful independent film ever released in Australia.</i><br /><br />Because Australians will laugh at absolutely anything with wild red hair:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSCru2idrYXKmB9uHsCSQGwBgf88x9a_rFT30x5WxT82IwccXfc-TTXvjVsVe7pZm9XNjRcdytq0esaiqOJbQycrguWQKi9If1b1Z1MODg9wieFsR_4jE4FsRSyIlL-SjO0nJ5h_fLiBA/s1600/yahooserious.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSCru2idrYXKmB9uHsCSQGwBgf88x9a_rFT30x5WxT82IwccXfc-TTXvjVsVe7pZm9XNjRcdytq0esaiqOJbQycrguWQKi9If1b1Z1MODg9wieFsR_4jE4FsRSyIlL-SjO0nJ5h_fLiBA/s320/yahooserious.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />If you ever want to smuggle a bunch of drugs and guns into Australia, just flash one of these at customs:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEurVto9KrhqkNcnlJsMi1SRqGXHzZ-zHTK35R2IDzsEdm8JefutLKzuDi1UYbQu9-ITdVa6MYmiz_YilpD7yOVltyN1UesNrONwUZC98wpppf0z1Tk7oaeB_PSR9FK7qZ6SuhAx-PxsA/s1600/troll.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEurVto9KrhqkNcnlJsMi1SRqGXHzZ-zHTK35R2IDzsEdm8JefutLKzuDi1UYbQu9-ITdVa6MYmiz_YilpD7yOVltyN1UesNrONwUZC98wpppf0z1Tk7oaeB_PSR9FK7qZ6SuhAx-PxsA/s320/troll.jpeg" width="171" /></a></div><br />You'll saunter right in as they're doubled over with incapacitating mirth.<br /><br />Anyway, according to Sayle, aluminum is actually more compliant than The Crabon:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij81MHIDFyDPEAV1Xsuz4Jp6imJlmDcNiTStkWStnVCswArEzSzugjbVmJBmqbT7NH63lYlIoSWakiQQyIDLh-Fq0clF3nre6ehAIAg6X6gYDBtvU9pu-ONTXV78E_FdGQH2eNW5nsUyo/s1600/alexi+sayle.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij81MHIDFyDPEAV1Xsuz4Jp6imJlmDcNiTStkWStnVCswArEzSzugjbVmJBmqbT7NH63lYlIoSWakiQQyIDLh-Fq0clF3nre6ehAIAg6X6gYDBtvU9pu-ONTXV78E_FdGQH2eNW5nsUyo/s320/alexi+sayle.jpeg" width="300" /></a></div><i>To ride, the Aston feels like many other high-end, carbon racing bikes, much stiffer than the alloy frame I own, transmitting every bump straight up your arms...</i><br /><br />That's enough to get you killed over at "Bicycling."<br /><br />By the way, 25,000lbs may seem like a lot to pay for a Fred sled, but just keep in mind that you get this enormous monochromatic display that looks like a universal remote from the late 1990s:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimOOaSHHh3Cq-n7lFL-k7x_uhD1gXcZepda0BDK0OgYmX8CzYdHyrdGdabtX-05kEnybbAIA75arzJg7uDZWGB7947I-75wXPV-nIShrJhJMmO1B0kJool3zC5gp1_1287M5yZffMrswk/s1600/sayle.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimOOaSHHh3Cq-n7lFL-k7x_uhD1gXcZepda0BDK0OgYmX8CzYdHyrdGdabtX-05kEnybbAIA75arzJg7uDZWGB7947I-75wXPV-nIShrJhJMmO1B0kJool3zC5gp1_1287M5yZffMrswk/s320/sayle.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Yeah, that's way cleaner than an iPhone mount.<br /><br />Of course, if you're a huge Fred a phenomenally expensive bicycle can be just the motivation you need to keep you riding through the winter--unless you live in Florida where they don't have winter, in which case I feel sorry for you (because you live in Florida, not because you don't have winter), or unless you live someplace where the winter is on the wrong side of the calendar, like Australia, in which case this:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgDngffI8AgBgL6mcvbJgKvKT7LtSzfbLV6HuJKy2k3ATBaPYXJFLRMrB_HM2iLnpgNk106fjllPoUG9wmzrdgeKSEJUfmBjuqLqwFK1LjLJCI4_XX4DXZC8XzDexec_Jq_kNuT3-xOs/s1600/orange+hair.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwgDngffI8AgBgL6mcvbJgKvKT7LtSzfbLV6HuJKy2k3ATBaPYXJFLRMrB_HM2iLnpgNk106fjllPoUG9wmzrdgeKSEJUfmBjuqLqwFK1LjLJCI4_XX4DXZC8XzDexec_Jq_kNuT3-xOs/s1600/orange+hair.jpeg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Gotcha!)</div><br />The three people in Australia who read this blog are laughing so hard they'll be calling in sick for the rest of the week.<br /><br />But what if you live in someplace like Portland, where they have sort of a half-assed winter? How do Portlanders stay motivated? Well, as a reader informs me, <a href="http://bikeportland.org/2013/01/03/reader-submission-the-tiniest-bright-spot-a-poem-about-riding-in-january-81530">they write poetry</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPgqM0rz41dT-rnEi6XHNYABezvhYOuTI-zkwMCXGpL6E9pg_bo1qDZ7EH5ZEPgr5NjSN1wK26g5EAnUsyhn1-K-_5ccoCxHVdGTQ4JFf9yjUFk8oAfEZLdNKV7wAnfCIgFfHr3PMZi_w/s1600/portland.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPgqM0rz41dT-rnEi6XHNYABezvhYOuTI-zkwMCXGpL6E9pg_bo1qDZ7EH5ZEPgr5NjSN1wK26g5EAnUsyhn1-K-_5ccoCxHVdGTQ4JFf9yjUFk8oAfEZLdNKV7wAnfCIgFfHr3PMZi_w/s320/portland.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Yes, if this doesn't keep you riding than you might as well just take the bus:<br /><br /><br /><i>January —</i><br /><i>The darkest time of the year</i><br /><i>the rainiest month</i><br /><i>the post-holiday sluggishness —</i><br /><i>a bike commuter’s biggest challenge</i><br /><i>Festive Christmas light brightened my December commutes</i><br /><i>now gone</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>Leaves, vanished from the trees</i><br /><i>dissolved into lingering dark mush on the road</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>Bitter darkness surrounds me</i><br /><i>Blindly, I bang into multiplying potholes</i><br /><br />"Take the bus" is also good advice if you're unable to avoid potholes, like this person.<br /><br />By the way, let's look at that forbidding January weather in Portland:<br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkIjvYNGJoSETMdpxGyE2AKDtB0keM-bZkitVAioNIdnoFvuJ0EfOjt99gLF50emHNQHpMNdkBcvYBaWklbUyac_DYurycU80lCypNFbIlzaMo6PKb3Gv43U94UGctZWLB6RZVulTt4w/s1600/portland+weather.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkIjvYNGJoSETMdpxGyE2AKDtB0keM-bZkitVAioNIdnoFvuJ0EfOjt99gLF50emHNQHpMNdkBcvYBaWklbUyac_DYurycU80lCypNFbIlzaMo6PKb3Gv43U94UGctZWLB6RZVulTt4w/s320/portland+weather.jpeg" width="307" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(How is this different than any other time of year in Portland?)</div><br />You call that winter?!? The two people in Minnesota who read this blog are laughing like Australians who have been exposed to wild orange hair:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6P0m9ilGH6pnvWXdWDAZdiTgRJ-6_vE6yx6tDWwypyL25wfuyBJdWYSV5TjoOBPyOBUW_mrqVlQacXhKiHkL-j68nmhcZmMk86nkvOS_YP03LTajDvbQrnrpBKMT1Jpz2hBpFvQwQtE/s1600/minnesota.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6P0m9ilGH6pnvWXdWDAZdiTgRJ-6_vE6yx6tDWwypyL25wfuyBJdWYSV5TjoOBPyOBUW_mrqVlQacXhKiHkL-j68nmhcZmMk86nkvOS_YP03LTajDvbQrnrpBKMT1Jpz2hBpFvQwQtE/s320/minnesota.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(I'd laugh but I might stab myself with a snotsicle and bleed to death.)</div><br />This guy doesn't even bother to wear clothes when it's above 40 degrees.<br /><br />Still, I enjoyed the alliteration in the phrase "Blindly, I bang into multiplying potholes" almost as much as I enjoyed it in the title of this Craigslist post about a "beautiful, tawny beard:"<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDnquBEnCflTKHv_EItdn91H8zUuObgPK3PduuXzm0o5RH5Eto9-LNjgOVyjT7H0ekHFi-Pgn26NnjxVgdxINT-dUyxriV889ZGqMEHYxbUbOrBG3-HtaMeOd9VyiRQfBOqRc90o5_1Q/s1600/beard.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="55" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDnquBEnCflTKHv_EItdn91H8zUuObgPK3PduuXzm0o5RH5Eto9-LNjgOVyjT7H0ekHFi-Pgn26NnjxVgdxINT-dUyxriV889ZGqMEHYxbUbOrBG3-HtaMeOd9VyiRQfBOqRc90o5_1Q/s320/beard.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><i><b><a href="http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/3525646422.html">Beautiful Beard at Bedford L - w4m - 30 (Bedford to 1st Ave.)</a></b></i><br /><i>Date: 2013-01-06, 12:36AM EST</i><br /><i><br /></i><i>I was really regretting taking the train instead of my bike, but your beautiful, tawny beard almost made it worth it. Please never shave. </i><br /><br /><br />Yeah, but how did it smell?<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-87819526592587121902013-01-05T13:56:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.757-08:00Pan HappyJoe told me I need to update the blog now that his Pan's rebuild is finished.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICmEGlWJQiNnKFbk6OFwQLocM9VMBHO7Ad7V4Z2qvLYjHlx3KQDW5Zdt9LKuNkpbgQQ6NyW2zadEPgaX1jB5oIc1P2DIurPZsajalnD7wgfV6U0IxYVWKAaZn90T-5DtUMz8NDGNSibri/s1600/Joe'sPanhead.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICmEGlWJQiNnKFbk6OFwQLocM9VMBHO7Ad7V4Z2qvLYjHlx3KQDW5Zdt9LKuNkpbgQQ6NyW2zadEPgaX1jB5oIc1P2DIurPZsajalnD7wgfV6U0IxYVWKAaZn90T-5DtUMz8NDGNSibri/s320/Joe'sPanhead.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><i>A fresh engine. Not a bad way to start the new year.</i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Now he needs to get the bike done by Born-Free 5</div>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-22360902025121563672013-01-04T09:33:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.729-08:00BSYNCY Friday Fun Quiz!<a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/01/titles-words-on-top-of-other-words.html">Yesterday I mentioned</a> that someone who was offended by one of my lame Twitter jokes has ironically kicked off a boycott against me by selling his copy of my first book. (The one before Rick Rubin got a hold of me and totally ruined my sound.) Well, at the time the bidding was at $.06, but as of this morning it's rocketed <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/330850177747?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649">all the way up to $15.50</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6lTF5EespA-_JllmZMXuquhq_PmKOBD6rF_R2UEg30GDshYM2sqwOrdRp_9MRlJA9dtuAQTnRznneSxsoOKtkivM5OKRIU7JdkKX72-odm_DiwK_kyMz-lPc21HCSi0ygxdLYb34XEho/s1600/ebay.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6lTF5EespA-_JllmZMXuquhq_PmKOBD6rF_R2UEg30GDshYM2sqwOrdRp_9MRlJA9dtuAQTnRznneSxsoOKtkivM5OKRIU7JdkKX72-odm_DiwK_kyMz-lPc21HCSi0ygxdLYb34XEho/s320/ebay.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I realize I haven't ever written anything worth more than like a quarter (an American quarter, not one of those Canadian ones that the soda machines always spit back out at you), and that once you factor in the shipping it's already up to more than the actual cover price of the book. However, keep in mind that if you win it I'll not only devalue it further by signing it but I'll also write a poem and draw a picture in it. Plus, you'll know that the money you're spending is going to a good cause, since this guy is pretty irritated with me for teasing the poor maligned NRA, and this way he can use the proceeds to buy some ammo and squeeze off a few rounds at the gun range, which hopefully will make him feel better. And if he needs a target, I'd suggest the following:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKAO1blUMvdptUJtEGJ9YBnYnThlANK0oE2Ii9rpWFq3kqnweFzaK-abRewW8R07SNWfWDJ8qfeKHoiFbil6TvAKzqb2bP2tQCz_gYktJNd1kfV6AdavjWlaOVtshRPZSRXPyHvstk8cI/s1600/target.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKAO1blUMvdptUJtEGJ9YBnYnThlANK0oE2Ii9rpWFq3kqnweFzaK-abRewW8R07SNWfWDJ8qfeKHoiFbil6TvAKzqb2bP2tQCz_gYktJNd1kfV6AdavjWlaOVtshRPZSRXPyHvstk8cI/s320/target.jpeg" width="235" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(The rings are all wonky because it's artisanal. Please feel free to download, print, and shoot at with your weapon of choice.)</div><br />By the way, please be assured I have no intention of sparking some sort of gun debate, and that I'm merely exercising my constitutional right to make jokes about the fact that someone doesn't like me.<br /><br />Also yesterday, I mentioned my reluctance to renew my USA Cycling license, and a reader forwarded me <a href="http://velonews.competitor.com/2012/12/news/usac-vs-obra-are-the-feds-growing-grass-roots-or-trampling-them_270056">the following article</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsfGLw5H4hy4-uqP_Wmc0dFjb7ZQzY1NB2JDM8r3xmO3VcaUFUxJY0P0VoYUall_5BpDSvtOnKVk_Z97jri6IXaUr2FXNKh7KCc4ifNwfomICv8bClNUHVLU6YMODtb5Bc6tSU8E8ZyPc/s1600/obra.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsfGLw5H4hy4-uqP_Wmc0dFjb7ZQzY1NB2JDM8r3xmO3VcaUFUxJY0P0VoYUall_5BpDSvtOnKVk_Z97jri6IXaUr2FXNKh7KCc4ifNwfomICv8bClNUHVLU6YMODtb5Bc6tSU8E8ZyPc/s320/obra.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Basically, the article explores whether USA Cycling is indeed hindering the sort of grassroots amateur bike racing that is relevant to 99% of us regular schmucks, and it uses OBRA as an example of an organization that's flourishing without them:<br /><br /><i>Since breaking away from the federation in the late 1990s, OBRA has grown its membership to more than 5,000, and this year sanctioned more than 330 races. OBRA’s marquee event, the Portland-based Cross Crusade series, is the largest amateur cyclocross series in the world, averaging 1,100 racers at each of its eight events last season.</i><br /><br />Pretty hard to argue with that, especially if you've been to a Cross Crusade race--though USA Cycling tries anyway:<br /><br /><i>"You need to step back and look at the importance of international heroes and role models. They add value and cache to the sport. We honestly believe that the overall benefit far outweighs any incremental increase in cost. Right now anyone in Oregon is outside the system with regard with those progressive opportunities that people tend to find value in.”</i><br /><br />Wow. He didn't just say "heroes and role models," did he? Yeah, they've added "value and cache[t] to the sport" like a low-fiber diet adds volume to your stool.<br /><br />Meanwhile, in news more relevant to everyday cyclists, a reader forwarded me <a href="http://www.treehugger.com/bikes/are-female-city-cyclists-vulvas-at-risk.html">this somewhat old yet still noteworthy article about cycling and vulvas</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj962UTL9zVSjNMuMQ1b1cytaudHss2lyHl_cpLoUM-stW8beJqb5krGS8fnbP8kattokHCOoUvZ_-5dRJ7GLh5vil0vzChuJArglFpVnpe_pXPx28h7wTPj784qaGw2eCe9XK-I8ovAhU/s1600/vulva.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj962UTL9zVSjNMuMQ1b1cytaudHss2lyHl_cpLoUM-stW8beJqb5krGS8fnbP8kattokHCOoUvZ_-5dRJ7GLh5vil0vzChuJArglFpVnpe_pXPx28h7wTPj784qaGw2eCe9XK-I8ovAhU/s320/vulva.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Whether it's numb penises or aching vulvas, the media continues to be amazed that riding an ill-fitting bicycle can hurt your crotch. Somehow most people manage to understand you need to wear shoes that are the right size or else your feet will hurt, but when it comes to bicycles we need laboratory research to tell us that riding the wrong bike will punish our pee-pees and woo-woos:<br /><br /><i>"The women took their personal bikes and saddles into the lab. The researchers mounted the bikes on a stationary machine, and had the riders position their seats and handlebars according to their preference. As the women pedaled, they reported whether they felt soreness, numbness or tingling as a result of sitting on the bike seat, and a device was used to measure sensation in the pelvic floor."</i><br /><br />By the way, the device that measures sensation in the pelvic floor is actually Mario Cipollini's face:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM7kovx_pRvOK8mWllpFMDlrIDFpfIoAft4_7jToyEAgdfHkTUDtaIBSx1y29ewyZuM2ZJ2dDvNzDmTVV7_wWVcw-Kxdc0hhjjbI-K4-9ZG2-8Mqyg4aR2WXp7v3KmwquZXO20UDkWbNE/s1600/mario_cipollini_viso.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM7kovx_pRvOK8mWllpFMDlrIDFpfIoAft4_7jToyEAgdfHkTUDtaIBSx1y29ewyZuM2ZJ2dDvNzDmTVV7_wWVcw-Kxdc0hhjjbI-K4-9ZG2-8Mqyg4aR2WXp7v3KmwquZXO20UDkWbNE/s320/mario_cipollini_viso.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(A perfectly calibrated vulvular pressure device.)</div><br />Anyway, the shocking revelation here is that if your crotch hurts you should raise your bars:<br /><br /><i>In cases where the women's' handlebars were positioned lower than the seat, more numbing and tingling were "observed" in their perineums (that all important area of the anatomy that women seldom think of unless pregnant and about to give birth, or if it is saddle sore). In fact, the study's authors conclude that handlebar heights lower than saddle heights "significantly impact" genital sensation in women.</i><br /><br />Which is why I'm launching a new pub[l]ic awareness campaign:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-uigf0p9L_sa2eAH7obdVk31Mcqfwaon9gbGvMtltKuv1hWsIott7PBlrBVajxJObk200miA4CV5lG-FUakqAb00rrrJa_AbPNEOOwQQZIS3E1FZMaBTYf555FzL8pdcvtwzId2CzyCs/s1600/save+the+vulva.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-uigf0p9L_sa2eAH7obdVk31Mcqfwaon9gbGvMtltKuv1hWsIott7PBlrBVajxJObk200miA4CV5lG-FUakqAb00rrrJa_AbPNEOOwQQZIS3E1FZMaBTYf555FzL8pdcvtwzId2CzyCs/s320/save+the+vulva.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />And I'm pleased to report that at least one rider has already gotten the message:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzU-nLd_9e9WCSbeEhpvdnF8yFy9wEYR1eToihXjkJMV311_gBUxAa4-i218VlMndtzVnrvhpe1_iqHewJbWX5vi6U8csHdynTSMSJ33odeSbGpPWoUQATPFa3Fb3fo5uQefqLF8wotkI/s1600/recumbabe-SFC-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzU-nLd_9e9WCSbeEhpvdnF8yFy9wEYR1eToihXjkJMV311_gBUxAa4-i218VlMndtzVnrvhpe1_iqHewJbWX5vi6U8csHdynTSMSJ33odeSbGpPWoUQATPFa3Fb3fo5uQefqLF8wotkI/s320/recumbabe-SFC-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo">the guy from Barenaked Ladies work as a London bike messenger</a>.<br /><br />Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and listen to your vulva.<br /><br /><br />--Wildcat Rock Machine<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo0CVLqufJybhx1womptAkgLkKtgqDufOLQD7P8AokEda6Yy48-nq_LO5i3HKLLXckHmrNbXWewZXaIkk84q49Q1TDpJowxoSenMmCeR-NyeGp90eVApegzjXXBvRRk0AyovILH_kb59U/s1600/wiggins.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo0CVLqufJybhx1womptAkgLkKtgqDufOLQD7P8AokEda6Yy48-nq_LO5i3HKLLXckHmrNbXWewZXaIkk84q49Q1TDpJowxoSenMmCeR-NyeGp90eVApegzjXXBvRRk0AyovILH_kb59U/s320/wiggins.jpeg" width="279" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Photorealism.)</div><br /><b>1) Bradley Wiggins was recently knighted.</b><br /><br />--<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/video/2012/dec/31/sir-bradley-wiggins-knighthood-video"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCAbrBGdNcXhos9qP3gsTklb6ev5E8Jnq_ol_8GRNsF5Zul0wkR8U8T0oWOpqR2puEuP3bJLn-afs8m_3Xp65aiad9m7HT_NcRYVhDxilTChtF7P7aIOpZyhyphenhyphenJFMgo0dxpcA-VmMOVWlI/s1600/220px-David_Millar_TR_2011.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCAbrBGdNcXhos9qP3gsTklb6ev5E8Jnq_ol_8GRNsF5Zul0wkR8U8T0oWOpqR2puEuP3bJLn-afs8m_3Xp65aiad9m7HT_NcRYVhDxilTChtF7P7aIOpZyhyphenhyphenJFMgo0dxpcA-VmMOVWlI/s320/220px-David_Millar_TR_2011.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div><br /><b>2) David Millar wasn't knighted, but he was recently mistaken for David Byrne.</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">True</span></a><br />--<a href="http://img.youtube.com/vi/01GtTTAwW6k/hqdefault.jpg"><span style="color: red;">False</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMERuP5Zieh6AH-B-koEYkYmZ77QDqGR0ffCogINHbsvmgdSkDxXpeepbE7gBQBX6pPkTBUDTr0QJmQX8LOTE_MESJATWw8IUpAigCYwUDkBXzB3Pkce8Bxv45JLza1fIKwmoNmpEac_k/s1600/euro.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMERuP5Zieh6AH-B-koEYkYmZ77QDqGR0ffCogINHbsvmgdSkDxXpeepbE7gBQBX6pPkTBUDTr0QJmQX8LOTE_MESJATWw8IUpAigCYwUDkBXzB3Pkce8Bxv45JLza1fIKwmoNmpEac_k/s320/euro.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Why is it all pointy?)</div><br /><b>3) Which is <i>not</i> an optional donation when you renew your USA Cycling license?</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">USA Cycling Development Foundation</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Edmund R. Burke Fund for Cycling Development</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">John Stenner Collegiate Scholarship Fund</span></a><br />--<a href="http://d3go1nrr5l7vi0.cloudfront.net/size_578xH/1bC_3we8lsRVwFVeabVE287X82J"><span style="color: red;">The Tyler Farrar Pro Cyclist Hairstyle De-Eurofication Grant</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRwGoOflSu8NrvzudBtnkNY_P-_01t_Cocf2EKasfl9KkSGXeE7i0r7sdYL4kXxXQM1x-Vdb5v_xJvRaiY6ULqRH3sP92ilw96Y0Rj-al67KQsjKR2dYiNVqp4O8q3nkWzKhs-_eGK1E/s1600/pootie-tang-original.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxRwGoOflSu8NrvzudBtnkNY_P-_01t_Cocf2EKasfl9KkSGXeE7i0r7sdYL4kXxXQM1x-Vdb5v_xJvRaiY6ULqRH3sP92ilw96Y0Rj-al67KQsjKR2dYiNVqp4O8q3nkWzKhs-_eGK1E/s320/pootie-tang-original.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("Don't let the ladies come between you and the belt.")</div><br /><b>4) Is a belt drive faster than a chain drive?</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Yes</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">No</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Maybe</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/features/chain-drive-or-belt-drive-whos-faster"><span style="color: red;">ZZZZZZzzzzzz...</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTUY8S7xp7PGYd71IlahPj6E7hjyHtwpm-blnvDzJy3ypCMP0tGAUK-MiF0Y6pdkZ4tgFLXkqKzULwM41x7CZumFSt4P1dXNdJ1zdt2al3_p0bScTOWLuHzwFQN0gyJKJ-rqgaZgMDuxc/s1600/IngeCrash2-732463.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTUY8S7xp7PGYd71IlahPj6E7hjyHtwpm-blnvDzJy3ypCMP0tGAUK-MiF0Y6pdkZ4tgFLXkqKzULwM41x7CZumFSt4P1dXNdJ1zdt2al3_p0bScTOWLuHzwFQN0gyJKJ-rqgaZgMDuxc/s320/IngeCrash2-732463.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("<a href="http://www.loshombres.org/californication/2005/10/mountain-bike-yoga.html">I totally would have cleaned that on my [insert wheel size here].</a>")</div><br /><b>5) Which is better: 650b or 29er?</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">650b</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">29er</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Belt drive</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxAdKNhS1J0"><span style="color: red;">ZZZZZZzzzzzz...</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfVpifQg73zPtCTZZnvZA0lidjMMTlhR8ADqIPpERJrhJeKxH2LqJXda94uvbI_luoB6pEQ5zbaacjLDSIgXL_6xcHMHpg6LU0G4ykpDzP8mU4aXdMRLJCppl2IcXnosxnIciRIOtlxk/s1600/starfish.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfVpifQg73zPtCTZZnvZA0lidjMMTlhR8ADqIPpERJrhJeKxH2LqJXda94uvbI_luoB6pEQ5zbaacjLDSIgXL_6xcHMHpg6LU0G4ykpDzP8mU4aXdMRLJCppl2IcXnosxnIciRIOtlxk/s1600/starfish.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><b>6) Why can't he just look at his phone?</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Because he's groggy from reading tedious Internet belt drive and wheel size analyses until 4:30am</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Because he's hung over and afraid to turn around and see who he took home from the bar last night</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Because his left hand is possessed and it won't let him turn his head</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.getstarfish.com/"><span style="color: red;">Because he's an idiot</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAYEpuxsQtBG1g8iVBn7KW1f7GPOY87zbxey6h2wRaDBmIfymaiyv3_Pg8c30F1kBGaHhNtHy5FQ_26izd8KMFj4KdzaCHQDurOx0o986YYo3Dj_LPLCvl6dLAMHVJesTVjiG6Q1y5ko/s1600/orp.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAYEpuxsQtBG1g8iVBn7KW1f7GPOY87zbxey6h2wRaDBmIfymaiyv3_Pg8c30F1kBGaHhNtHy5FQ_26izd8KMFj4KdzaCHQDurOx0o986YYo3Dj_LPLCvl6dLAMHVJesTVjiG6Q1y5ko/s320/orp.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><b>7) "I think when they get Orp in their hands they're going to be really _______." </b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Happy</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2008278958/orp-smart-horn-smorn"><span style="color: red;">Excited</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Confused</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Grossed out and sticky</span></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><b>***Special Bike Porn-Themed Bonus Question***</b></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGwMLpgW_ceUdwSFFsxpcZ9ms8F-8I5MUHfHBUoaQzzeDUtl1imksmF4s50xtANy7q2INVgxakp9e3dzn4RhaUm7dPTq-nGbHDHRlZwB3z_RhmWFW_KgPNp6kPK-DpsWa6Ar3LGvnB164/s1600/rollers.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGwMLpgW_ceUdwSFFsxpcZ9ms8F-8I5MUHfHBUoaQzzeDUtl1imksmF4s50xtANy7q2INVgxakp9e3dzn4RhaUm7dPTq-nGbHDHRlZwB3z_RhmWFW_KgPNp6kPK-DpsWa6Ar3LGvnB164/s320/rollers.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Remember naked roller fixie porn?)</div><br /><b>Handmade bike show photography porn is out; __________ is in.</b><br /><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Recumbent porn</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Unicycle porn</span></a><br />--<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/642018713/help-fund-printing-of-an-illustrated-bicycle-dropo?ref=live"><span style="color: red;">Artisanal dropout porn</span></a><br />--<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErL6-xT7Goo"><span style="color: red;">Retrofit porn</span></a><br /><br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-29489344038272102112013-01-03T10:15:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.735-08:00Titles: Words On Top Of Other WordsPretend for a moment that you don't know anything about racing bikes--or, if you already don't know anything about racing bikes, just keep not knowing anything about them. Then, read this:<br /><br /><i>The girthy down tube is shaped like an inverted trapezoid and fits easily in your hand for run-ups.</i><br /><br />Now, be honest: what was the first thing that popped into your mind? Was it <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/reviews/ridley-x-fire-disc-review">this</a>?<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWDbwst8QchXNn4DDIazt1osr9AFXZO0GoyMUKwIZ_R19-GLJCF2zzmvb74FwtWdI9nu1mvVJ7rIOT0mVlfQDcicOSafxsK5Nkp01BPNAE7GLVWahJjmqbrau6RJEkvDL1T9ibUw46BwQ/s1600/ridley.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWDbwst8QchXNn4DDIazt1osr9AFXZO0GoyMUKwIZ_R19-GLJCF2zzmvb74FwtWdI9nu1mvVJ7rIOT0mVlfQDcicOSafxsK5Nkp01BPNAE7GLVWahJjmqbrau6RJEkvDL1T9ibUw46BwQ/s320/ridley.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Or was it a chubby gentleman running naked up a hill while holding his pee-pee?<br /><br />Please bear in mind there are no right or wrong answers here. It is merely a mental exercise.<br /><br />Speaking of exercise, bike racing is ostensibly a form of exercise, though in practice it's more of a self-indulgent repetitive motion akin to masturbation. Also, like masturbation, bike racing can can be a healthy escape, though when done to excess it just makes you walk around all hunched over and leaves you unable to form any sort of meaningful human relationship.<br /><br />Anyway, like every other wanker, this is generally the time of year when I renew my USA Cycling license, and so I logged on to their website in order to do it--but I only got as far as this:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEKyhbRwZVmfdrHuSob0qdCRBckaQV01ldOOOZdZ1O6fM6lng6irwTNUPhKz1jmjqOzFvOpCyZGT6NC8iCSOzds5mj22xUPP927BCgpWEz21VvOO_GyJ5oCFxggvC1E_YFdHyemPjYp_c/s1600/renew+license.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEKyhbRwZVmfdrHuSob0qdCRBckaQV01ldOOOZdZ1O6fM6lng6irwTNUPhKz1jmjqOzFvOpCyZGT6NC8iCSOzds5mj22xUPP927BCgpWEz21VvOO_GyJ5oCFxggvC1E_YFdHyemPjYp_c/s320/renew+license.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />"Am I really going to spend $90 for a piece of plastic that tells me I can ride my bike?," I found myself thinking. (For those of you in Canada, keep in mind that's almost CAD$90!)<br /><br />"And on top of that, am I actually going to make a <i>donation</i>?"<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwC0NR19MZShSipeUKZcgraUaon34S3aNZI4c-CZWFL_k_jl2qF4zkpl6yZFTHFIxaGnF45B9P0iUcUnRpPot5DfAY1fQAs3ZFiO4fWqn7GnFiewxyuLpgBWhmRldJg4P0-nO4J0cVn7w/s1600/optional+donations.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwC0NR19MZShSipeUKZcgraUaon34S3aNZI4c-CZWFL_k_jl2qF4zkpl6yZFTHFIxaGnF45B9P0iUcUnRpPot5DfAY1fQAs3ZFiO4fWqn7GnFiewxyuLpgBWhmRldJg4P0-nO4J0cVn7w/s320/optional+donations.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Let's take a closer look at those donation options. First, there's this one:<br /><br /><i><b>USA Cycling Development Foundation: </b></i><br /><i>General donation to support Olympic and young athlete development programs</i><br /><i>Donate $50 or more and receive an optional eight pack of USA Cycling note cards with images of your National Team athletes.</i><br /><i><br /></i>Now why would I want to help "develop" a young cycling athlete who might otherwise spend his or her time doing something much more useful, like going to school or learning a trade? It's perfectly fine for responsible adults to fritter away their own time and money on their crabon dork machines, but there's no reason to encourage young people to do the same--that's like NORML starting a "Young Stoner Development Foundation" and giving kids weed money. As for supporting Olympians, am I really supposed to pay for Tyler Farrar to travel to London and finish in 33rd place? I mean maybe--<i>maybe</i>--I'd buy him a new haircut, but that's about it:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMT9NSi8pHiNU8tEFNYx7Z2aEVRtaHmWNXWiTiS924i5nf6VcxG_6tcjPtaGrmWT0vSvHTZlpuralc49AUs0YddyCyuHz3i5TycCNBFQ6cksuSX9-BdY0XUh70SR7PSlu4pZEBSBKIzU8/s1600/tyler_farrar-01-28.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMT9NSi8pHiNU8tEFNYx7Z2aEVRtaHmWNXWiTiS924i5nf6VcxG_6tcjPtaGrmWT0vSvHTZlpuralc49AUs0YddyCyuHz3i5TycCNBFQ6cksuSX9-BdY0XUh70SR7PSlu4pZEBSBKIzU8/s1600/tyler_farrar-01-28.jpeg" /></a></div><br />Then there's this one:<br /><br /><i><b>Edmund R. Burke Fund for Cycling Development: </b></i><br /><i>Travel and training grants to assist junior and U23 athletes.</i><br /><br />More corrupting the kids by encouraging them to race! Though I suppose <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1985/01/19/sports/cycle-group-bans-use-of-blood-doping.html">blood transfusions</a> don't pay for themselves.<br /><br />Next, I thought I finally found a worthwhile cause, since it involved academics:<br /><br /><i><b>John Stenner Collegiate Scholarship Fund: </b></i><br /><i>Annual collegiate cyclist scholarship for the top student athletes. </i><br /><br />But then I realized something. You know what's even more conducive to academic success? Not spending 20 hours a week "training" to win criteriums! Next:<br /><br /><i><b>USAC/IMBA Trail Tune-Up Grants: </b></i><br /><i>Awarded to clubs who improve trails used for racing.</i><br /><br />Well, I'm already a member of IMBA, so there.<br /><br />And finally:<br /><br /><i><b>U.S. Bicycling Hall of Fame:</b></i><br /><i>Promotes and preserves the history of cycling within the United States.</i><br /><br />Wait, we're promoting and preserving the history of American cycling? I thought we were tearing it down and pretending it never happened! Isn't that what the whole Lance Armstrong thing is about? I'm so confused.<br /><br />Obviously the only donations I'd be making were to my own alcohol fund, but the question remained: Should I renew my actual license? After all, I'd only raced once last year, after something like 13 years of racing nearly every weekend, and the only changes I observed due to the hiatus were that I got a little fatter, a little slower, a lot hairier, I saved a lot of money, and I had a lot more fun riding my bike. Plus, I don't live in Brooklyn anymore:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIz5byCjxG34NnTDXOMbAbO_xUmkTJQrSu3mPN_k2UMSRPjz_ZmgwejK2ge9e6ptaBndw95ggsikKPce6RQH8_pCE26lXoeqqtP1VjgfwEheRgLJqzfbLSVuv7276auGZVU2vU0ww3nX8/s1600/brooklyn.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIz5byCjxG34NnTDXOMbAbO_xUmkTJQrSu3mPN_k2UMSRPjz_ZmgwejK2ge9e6ptaBndw95ggsikKPce6RQH8_pCE26lXoeqqtP1VjgfwEheRgLJqzfbLSVuv7276auGZVU2vU0ww3nX8/s320/brooklyn.jpeg" width="279" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">(Portlyn, New Oregon)</div><br />While Brooklyn is becoming an increasingly pleasant place to ride a bike for transportation (apart from the inept mimosa-addled brunching salmon who comprise most of the cycling public), it's not the greatest place for Fredly pursuits. See how the Fat Ass of Queens sort of sits on its head? The result is that you either have to ride all the way to the top of Manhattan and then over the George Washington Bridge to escape the sprawl, or else you have to venture east through the Fat Ass, then across New York City's tight waistband and through the equally fat belly roll that is Nassau County, and by the time you get to any kind of road you'd actually want to be on you've already been on the bike for like three hours and all hopes of having anything resembling a life are gone. <br /><br />Given all this, racing around and around in circles in Prospect Park actually becomes an attractive alternative.<br /><br />Now, however, I live about as far north as its possible to live in New York City while still remaining in it, which means the riding begins pretty much at my doorstep. Therefore, there's little reason for me to pay good money to abjectly suck at riding my bike with a hundred other dorks when instead I can suck all by myself in sweet solitary dorkitude--apart from the fact that my presence gives something like 97% of the field someone to beat, of course, though it seems like I should be the one getting paid if all I'm doing is boosting other people's self-esteem. <br /><br />I think I may have hit the wall with regard to professional cycling too, since the sport is now basically just <a href="http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/kimmage-unconvinced-by-sky-and-wiggins">the world's biggest athletic bummer</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1WxxnRUlaHf91CWEKIxKJFE2_DpdV6O35bkeqYROpgjcoATloE1QuZOBkKwg3a1BKvCtOzwfTCysSYz-W404joWCn7uWdTxKibcEH19oB6XirPMvD1-CG5TQB3X-SdfmflKRa1eIzgDM/s1600/kimmage.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1WxxnRUlaHf91CWEKIxKJFE2_DpdV6O35bkeqYROpgjcoATloE1QuZOBkKwg3a1BKvCtOzwfTCysSYz-W404joWCn7uWdTxKibcEH19oB6XirPMvD1-CG5TQB3X-SdfmflKRa1eIzgDM/s320/kimmage.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Really, it's enough already. Paul Kimmage is like the guy in the strip club who spends the whole time pointing out the fake breasts. Whether its pro cyclists or strippers, everyone knows they're on drugs, they just want to ogle the freaks.<br /><br />Also, can't Kimmage let <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdc8jKcOLfn16fLb7qjr4V-NPpiiwoojmoGQqINhj9l4uT9MjA9XN0WVC5hV9qoLhDhXKBt9osXqyD7tlvv-umO0HJlOqxEIi58gKO5df9Nc6WKgQUvKOezceWDye7WQwR5xK2bAhnN_Q/s1600/stanley+wiggins.jpg">Stanley Wiggins</a> at least enjoy being a knight for awhile before pissing all over him? By the way, Wiggins says he will use his knighthood in a "comedy way:"<br /><br /><!-- Start of guardian embedded video --> <!-- To prevent the video from auto playing set 'a=true' in the following line of code--> <iframe height="397px" scrolling="no" src="http://gu-embedded-video.appspot.com/?a=false&u=/sport/video/2012/dec/31/sir-bradley-wiggins-knighthood-video" style="border: 0; overflow: hidden;" width="460px"></iframe> <!-- End of guardian embedded video --> <br /><br />In fact, he's already started:<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/y3ln6mp0HNM" width="400"></iframe> <br />Hilarious.<br /><br />Meanwhile, admirers of <del>the time traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork</del> Bret:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBa88ooJQew_TFX_U7NMxPQJDO20sE1CiyUMicz7tvOqFpxjnen0I7z8YhoQqe3_b5bAajW1Asrp86oZ8M1nQnFYO0qBuo85wpkggQEa7zi1C7fZ35gh_HZE18ymj-95pXxW3rID7DRE/s1600/tridork-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGBa88ooJQew_TFX_U7NMxPQJDO20sE1CiyUMicz7tvOqFpxjnen0I7z8YhoQqe3_b5bAajW1Asrp86oZ8M1nQnFYO0qBuo85wpkggQEa7zi1C7fZ35gh_HZE18ymj-95pXxW3rID7DRE/s1600/tridork-3.jpeg" /></a></div><br />Will be dismayed to learn that some startup has stolen his likeness, to which I was alerted by a reader. Behold his illustrated mirror-image doppelgänger:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIow6L0gygXhoAEeYDn6KJ1mpSLIfR_EyxaVSn8X2W2-Z_zNu2u1LVFVaedIFSWV7zKFqHa1yqn19NmhzvMf4t7DNUmA2MJMEnfoknKhleoK-LmcfS_ZWxduYNXbSilkgvwvqWaA8LwQY/s1600/bret.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIow6L0gygXhoAEeYDn6KJ1mpSLIfR_EyxaVSn8X2W2-Z_zNu2u1LVFVaedIFSWV7zKFqHa1yqn19NmhzvMf4t7DNUmA2MJMEnfoknKhleoK-LmcfS_ZWxduYNXbSilkgvwvqWaA8LwQY/s320/bret.jpeg" width="261" /></a></div><br />The company responsible is called "<a href="http://www.getstarfish.com/">Starfish</a>," and unless the site is a joke it appears they're about to launch the most pointless device of the 21st century:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50akL82eBDX24RWLJ1OEVjaHChtAlSiA4x7g5BkCexVcMJ9PcwQ_QQPIxnUV3z5jTb9Z91FPB6q4D49vsSzUgDEJJzjjuX_uXPvDLsyGO7E3B0OsXpDhqH1ucmCAwblXthLMqLtv2eQw/s1600/starfish.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50akL82eBDX24RWLJ1OEVjaHChtAlSiA4x7g5BkCexVcMJ9PcwQ_QQPIxnUV3z5jTb9Z91FPB6q4D49vsSzUgDEJJzjjuX_uXPvDLsyGO7E3B0OsXpDhqH1ucmCAwblXthLMqLtv2eQw/s320/starfish.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>Yes, it's a wristwatch that relays messages to you from your iPhone in case you're too stupid or lazy to just look at your iPhone:<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7aFEZz14kTZM6YRTkCs_vyhB9Lhz5mWOFhvjxKETBpxm2Wr94-dGsap-6WuLxzixsQNQqSY_3SLot-v-CTMOx9HoGk1NsAMah8IORZXcDGPUueUEgqC2gjhhDk0c0W_VL91xUsJDC48/s1600/starfish+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7aFEZz14kTZM6YRTkCs_vyhB9Lhz5mWOFhvjxKETBpxm2Wr94-dGsap-6WuLxzixsQNQqSY_3SLot-v-CTMOx9HoGk1NsAMah8IORZXcDGPUueUEgqC2gjhhDk0c0W_VL91xUsJDC48/s320/starfish+1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>What a dork. Just wait until you put the coffee down, numbnuts. Hopefully next they'll make a pair of glasses that will flash the message from the watch so he doesn't have to look down.<br /><br />By the way, they forgot to add the panel where he looks at his watch and spills hot coffee all over his crotch.<br /><br />Perhaps he should also consider this wooden bicycle, forwarded by another reader:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMrZudzQ6wVcmFPyH4T_L3kGVFb-fu45R7yEUMQcsEdAHdggA6QDX-wc5McxtEGBKQ3KBa9_QXaDzt92ABiaRiFJornDfDI_jyDlX02gsWbESAiqOXFPiU7UwUCYRz8UUd4x_uVd5SXM/s1600/Wooden-Bike-01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMrZudzQ6wVcmFPyH4T_L3kGVFb-fu45R7yEUMQcsEdAHdggA6QDX-wc5McxtEGBKQ3KBa9_QXaDzt92ABiaRiFJornDfDI_jyDlX02gsWbESAiqOXFPiU7UwUCYRz8UUd4x_uVd5SXM/s1600/Wooden-Bike-01.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you're wondering why the wheels look that way, it's because they "s<a href="http://www.nastaev.com/2011/10/13/awesome-wooden-bike-by-jan-gunneweg/">ymbolize the legs of man</a>:"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk57my11dGceDzrcdrBC1vzmpw632zji7fHClc9wF3g124QeMpxBFIDb6LBnBpZHDDUEuv4Y4NlndRMJB0PSlvZnEBxmpmYNA3lJASghicCIT8NTlW6nJ_1m3i5zkco6Ba2Q9_N5JYwZs/s1600/Wooden-Bike-02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk57my11dGceDzrcdrBC1vzmpw632zji7fHClc9wF3g124QeMpxBFIDb6LBnBpZHDDUEuv4Y4NlndRMJB0PSlvZnEBxmpmYNA3lJASghicCIT8NTlW6nJ_1m3i5zkco6Ba2Q9_N5JYwZs/s1600/Wooden-Bike-02.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Do you really need to sybmolize the legs of man on a vehicle that is literally powered by the legs of man? Given that people also apparently need watches for their phones now then I guess you do.<br /><br />Lastly, a <a href="http://ochotona_p/">Tweeterer</a> is boycotting me after I made a wisecrack about the NRA awhile back:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9rH-WnhFsVrGJx6adfj2FwcBI3j5-t3C8ceZMxRaffqts9Z-3Hk-hD4jgXAN6Fq1AxvETkGNar6MVXKxzfHcFC25pyOae99e8Yk6KIpZRyoMw5NPPF5bK6MhNHsHa521Nop7YkBXxqNg/s1600/twitter.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9rH-WnhFsVrGJx6adfj2FwcBI3j5-t3C8ceZMxRaffqts9Z-3Hk-hD4jgXAN6Fq1AxvETkGNar6MVXKxzfHcFC25pyOae99e8Yk6KIpZRyoMw5NPPF5bK6MhNHsHa521Nop7YkBXxqNg/s320/twitter.jpeg" width="317" /></a></div><br />Which I only mention because he's getting rid of my book, so if you want one for almost nothing <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/330850177747?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649">here's your chance</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxu0G3p2hhtn9XreyDSynBKIW75vCsdXYOqO_xVmJewEb760mTTqtomcZMDfqWylzvYEn6WkIoGLuXyiLIsYXXzC7QBIxoN9MB8FKARz0Z29rqQD4UrhmLIlfC1T6g2R2oMLxkKa772iI/s1600/auction.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxu0G3p2hhtn9XreyDSynBKIW75vCsdXYOqO_xVmJewEb760mTTqtomcZMDfqWylzvYEn6WkIoGLuXyiLIsYXXzC7QBIxoN9MB8FKARz0Z29rqQD4UrhmLIlfC1T6g2R2oMLxkKa772iI/s320/auction.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Sure, you'd have to pay the shipping, but maybe he'd bundle it with some ammo. And I'll happily sign it for the winner, though that will make it worth even less.<br /><br />obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-62360845357322797922013-01-02T16:55:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.748-08:00January's Header<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: orange;">Happy F'ing New Year!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfT-dX8K6rp_-2WX3UsLyWhpGdwfQgVqH5Z88C75XXRhJjDDMkJY6y3ce6I4zWI1U350tHFgFKsZQaw1s1lFVpW2NxwZ2x8XxDApxnnr09I6hWTFbtEaSBX364PypWpPY-LN0NNmtt4oJC/s1600/Father-Time-and-Baby-New-Year-13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfT-dX8K6rp_-2WX3UsLyWhpGdwfQgVqH5Z88C75XXRhJjDDMkJY6y3ce6I4zWI1U350tHFgFKsZQaw1s1lFVpW2NxwZ2x8XxDApxnnr09I6hWTFbtEaSBX364PypWpPY-LN0NNmtt4oJC/s400/Father-Time-and-Baby-New-Year-13.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><em><span style="color: orange;">Old art (from 2 years ago), for a new year. Sometimes I just don't have the time to do a new header plus some are worth a second look. </span></em><br /><br /><span style="color: orange;">Sorry about the slower pace of postings of late. I have a bunch of good stuff waiting in the wings, but it's going to be a few weeks before I'm up to speed, so hang in there.</span>obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1038148546342966957.post-68371187217075376502013-01-02T09:14:00.000-08:002013-01-27T09:20:13.751-08:00So What Year Are We On? And Is There A Prime? Well, the holidays are over. The Christmas trees have been hurled from the window for mulching. The Hanukkah Menorahs have been sprayed with fire extinguishers. (You gotta make sure that shit is out!) The Kwanzaa whatevers have been whatevered. And the aluminum Festivus poles have been welded into Jamises, or Jamii. ("Buy It If: You want a race-ready bike but don't want to pay carbon prices," says <i>Bicycling</i> magazine, if you've actually managed to read the whole review without falling asleep.) Also, hopefully by now you're finished puking your guts out after New Year's Eve.<br /><br />With that, we can finally turn our attention to 2013, which I'm sorry to say is already shaping up to be the Worst Year Ever.<br /><br />First of all, there's this fiscal cliff deal. Here's a fiscal cliff:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj93LdpPQtRXcIRYLUZs6ZQCOSCk6OhJVNorLcSFrAag8r2a8JAHnkK2OgUAHikUEtIZpohdPvVrjHU-8SmqouoCRS-hoS2MY41VvXQ1bNzica51s35TY8bBL11nPl2xflECsJZ5E8WyA0/s1600/mountain-bike-crash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj93LdpPQtRXcIRYLUZs6ZQCOSCk6OhJVNorLcSFrAag8r2a8JAHnkK2OgUAHikUEtIZpohdPvVrjHU-8SmqouoCRS-hoS2MY41VvXQ1bNzica51s35TY8bBL11nPl2xflECsJZ5E8WyA0/s320/mountain-bike-crash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">("Dude, that fiscal cliff would be <i>totall</i>y rideable on a 650b!"--Some mountain bike dork)</div><br />This deal really F-U-C-K-double-hockey-sticks me, since <a href="http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2013/01/01/payroll-tax-cut-expires-how-much-more-will-you-pay/">the payroll tax is still going up</a>:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9wuKQAw7jxGR43G8JZVUxLoG8XbpdFGLK5VmZDI9c3BtPX4-kLQ_yBk4wtA1lhbMudpSsHLbxlILuOnhtn2jpvm_QZHGiCczV1_otydPs5IIi2RYKPcYm-EpTUZEEMR-RLtjtkTiT5QA/s1600/payroll+tax+article.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9wuKQAw7jxGR43G8JZVUxLoG8XbpdFGLK5VmZDI9c3BtPX4-kLQ_yBk4wtA1lhbMudpSsHLbxlILuOnhtn2jpvm_QZHGiCczV1_otydPs5IIi2RYKPcYm-EpTUZEEMR-RLtjtkTiT5QA/s320/payroll+tax+article.jpeg" width="314" /></a></div><br />As you can see, the article includes a calculator that tells you how much more you're going to pay this year, and I was aghast to learn that I'll be paying an additional $2,274:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT0Rs5RsRvprw3ky3KWdzQc341-t1oaRSP-qAJaON8CG-gI7n7Ccj_JhT4TJce5NQPtVMt6FDI3ooEUYYpyeDqhqY6kxPE3tcd9__ZIjmlhT89sPY_lRgY5NH_y1W3kOd-7FoUONeLE68/s1600/payroll+tax+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT0Rs5RsRvprw3ky3KWdzQc341-t1oaRSP-qAJaON8CG-gI7n7Ccj_JhT4TJce5NQPtVMt6FDI3ooEUYYpyeDqhqY6kxPE3tcd9__ZIjmlhT89sPY_lRgY5NH_y1W3kOd-7FoUONeLE68/s320/payroll+tax+1.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You may be surprised to learn I have an annual pretax income of $1 million, but keep in mind the rest of my money goes directly to my shell corporation in the Cayman Islands (it's called Wildcat Rock Machine's In-Your-Face-IRS Enterprises, Inc.), and therefore it doesn't count.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, just to show you how unfair this is, consider some loser who makes ten times less money than me:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEMFQiAfFg7yM0tV_x5lzZ7-eCyO3gizUhVgyclGTpcI86W00aS9KbMpQvttcPLIjHf1KxQSTYpPaPE5YlAWGBNO3kt7cntiu8sEnp4F4_JpCsqHBHIgMlDxkibJ4CHbAgUyKPR-pc208/s1600/payroll+tax.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEMFQiAfFg7yM0tV_x5lzZ7-eCyO3gizUhVgyclGTpcI86W00aS9KbMpQvttcPLIjHf1KxQSTYpPaPE5YlAWGBNO3kt7cntiu8sEnp4F4_JpCsqHBHIgMlDxkibJ4CHbAgUyKPR-pc208/s320/payroll+tax.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">("100K?!? Loser!"--Some douchebag who just bought a condo in Williamsburg)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">See that? I have to pay $274 more than them! That's just F-U-C-K-double-hockey-sticked up! Do you have any idea how much I could stimulate the economy with almost three hundred extra bucks? I was going to buy 30 spheres of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAacj6P8zLA">Glace Luxury Ice</a> for my morning cocktails! Oh well, enjoy your recession. At this point I may just pull a Gerard Depardieu and split for Belgium:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfWpl1qtDaoqdrTSvf5hwZMgDdeidTn3lfv9CFUnYq8FkBPIvcQfZXAquND5EazZ_H7E8hyUgcq9luK-7Vbeljc3_TsQzmrNf5UUeJyhxNm5gJS6FBE_AqCp_ggj75UHwRyfdhLkYWFjY/s1600/depardieu.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfWpl1qtDaoqdrTSvf5hwZMgDdeidTn3lfv9CFUnYq8FkBPIvcQfZXAquND5EazZ_H7E8hyUgcq9luK-7Vbeljc3_TsQzmrNf5UUeJyhxNm5gJS6FBE_AqCp_ggj75UHwRyfdhLkYWFjY/s320/depardieu.jpeg" width="278" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Monseiur Depardieu Depar-don't wanna pay more taxes--but at least he's wearing a helment.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Also, I'm sorry to report that my New Year's Day ride did not portend a successful 2013, and indeed it was downright ominous. Obviously, cycling tradition dictates that you're supposed to take a New Year's Day ride, and obviously also your New Year's Day ride is a metaphor for the way plan to approach the coming year. For example, some people get up early and ride their guts out with a bunch of other Freds, which represents wasted effort and the delusion that somehow things are going to turn out differently in 2013. Meanwhile, other people--like me, for instance--slowly pick their way along straight paths by themselves because they're cautious, they fear change, they have no friends, and they realize that life is nothing but an inexorable creep towards some meaningless vanishing point:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1GaoXGPtsLZgQjAZsHxzw_gWA3OLCSfFEE1S3JKSfejRvXcyxODes42qDZyHgcNAPxX0MKkYIV_6W0t52g6nhLhzpEFplqCk1vzm9U3jwIczrIZYmfDybyFYUSKnBfijvzXF6WuUoxvo/s1600/trail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1GaoXGPtsLZgQjAZsHxzw_gWA3OLCSfFEE1S3JKSfejRvXcyxODes42qDZyHgcNAPxX0MKkYIV_6W0t52g6nhLhzpEFplqCk1vzm9U3jwIczrIZYmfDybyFYUSKnBfijvzXF6WuUoxvo/s320/trail.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(Whatever.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Things were going well until about an hour in, at which point I suddenly exploded in an attack of hives. I was so itchy I tried to capture a squirrel and put it under my jersey, which is what's commonly called an "Appalachian Backscratcher." Unfortunately I was unsuccessful and had to go home, where I did the same thing with the cat. (That's commonly called the "Single Person's Backscratcher." Of course, I'm not single, but that's only because I don't do stuff like make my better half touch my hives. How's that for relationship advice?)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Then, this morning, when I was vacuuming the pine needles from my Christmas Tree off the floor, the retractable cord on the vacuum returned to the canister with such speed that I was nearly killed by the whiplash of the plug. Thank goodness I was wearing my vacuuming helment, and if only New York State didn't have such draconian gun laws I would have been able to shoot the vacuum in self-defense for good measure. Still, I was so frightened that I simply left the rest of the needles on the floor, and I just tell the children that they're Santa's toenail clippings.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">2013 should be a great year.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Speaking of riding bikes, you know how when you ride one of those bikes with the curved handlebars like they have in the Tour de France how you're not supposed to wear underpants but instead you're supposed to wear these stretchy tights like David Lee Roth in the "Jump" video? Well, somebody representing the stretchy tight company <a href="http://castelli-cycling.com/en/home/">Castelli</a> sent me a whole entire Fred suit and you'll never believe what it says in the crotch:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9WdUG8GdubTdUJ3nU7MBF6VfPTv6X83dLRMrobrRXSZm5P6r1YZamXim-79BMGFnwBEUAHnX9lthOR86Fsw1sx7jr6EoE4VtvDri4eUx5FLTyaYkZGvVEsavadUecJOtmBJ_Mk-z5mq0/s1600/viscous+comfort+zone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9WdUG8GdubTdUJ3nU7MBF6VfPTv6X83dLRMrobrRXSZm5P6r1YZamXim-79BMGFnwBEUAHnX9lthOR86Fsw1sx7jr6EoE4VtvDri4eUx5FLTyaYkZGvVEsavadUecJOtmBJ_Mk-z5mq0/s320/viscous+comfort+zone.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm pretty sure I mentioned this chamois some time ago and I was delighted to discover that it's real. "Viscous Comfort Zone" sounds like a euphemism for any number of salacious things, and I'm reasonably sure it's also what Mario Cipollini named his waterbed. As if that wasn't enough, look what else it says above the "Castelli:"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr_x0axsm_THB5tA49pNRCCO4lBjxZfnaonCGrc_YW-EqClAWGC5UTfqrSQHFjD-zoxoCtKuFeOARQYCsVimhMVb9cUEa2_9SDn8soZDN2KmwORKE-uXd8v25Z5YX9wtWLTp1ocwsvnHc/s1600/continuously+variable+thickness.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr_x0axsm_THB5tA49pNRCCO4lBjxZfnaonCGrc_YW-EqClAWGC5UTfqrSQHFjD-zoxoCtKuFeOARQYCsVimhMVb9cUEa2_9SDn8soZDN2KmwORKE-uXd8v25Z5YX9wtWLTp1ocwsvnHc/s320/continuously+variable+thickness.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I won't tell you on which body part Mario Cipollini sports a "Continuous Variable Thickness" tattoo, but I will tell you that it only says "Coss"--until he gets close to the "Viscous Comfort Zone."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">By the way, if you're wondering if the "Viscous Comfort Zone" with it's "Continuous Variable Thickness" is comfortable, the answer is "Yes," especially in comparison to my Fred suit, which consisted of full-body long underwear with a throw pillow duct-taped into the crotch. (That's called an "Appalachian Skinsuit.")</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Meanwhile, in other marketing news, I'd like to introduce a segment I call "Wildcat Rock Machine's Bicycle Industry Trend Predictions For The Year 2013," and here's the theme music for that segment which I produced at incredible expense:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="333" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ss0kroBIdjA" width="400"></iframe> <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At $75,000 that video wasn't cheap, but hopefully it's tax-deductible.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway, "Wildcat Rock Machine's Bicycle Industry Trend Predictions For the Year 2013" is all about predicting bicycle marketing trends for the year 2013, even though everyone already knows what those trends are going to be because they went to Interbike. I, however, did not go to Interbike, nor do I pay any attention to it, so everything that happens this year is going to be News To Me. Plus, the real pulse of the cycling industry beats on Kickstarter. Last year, you may have noticed the big trend on Kickstarter was to build a better bike light. Well, this year I predict it's going to be all about horns:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2008278958/orp-smart-horn-smorn/widget/video.html" width="480"> </iframe> <br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The inventor of the Orp Smart Horn alerted me to his fundraising efforts, and my favorite part of the video was where he said, "I think when they get Orp in their hands they're going to be really excited." Perhaps, but will they be as excited if they get Orp in their hair? Because that's something that can happen at the end of a date with Mario Cipollini.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Nevertheless, despite <a href="http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2012/12/safety-last-honk-if-youre-pantsless.html">various claims</a> that the horn is the key to rider safety, I remain unconvinced--though I do think that some sort of Bluetooth device that allowed you to connect with a driver's smartphone might work. Ambiguous sounds probably won't keep that driver from drifting into your lane, but an "On your right, cocksucker!" emanating from their iPhone might just do the trick. </div><br />No matter what, as a cyclist you'll never command as much attention as a driver's smartphone, so speaking through them is our only hope.obrakanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13067153620835330485noreply@blogger.com