These days the concept of “paying your dues” has pretty much gone out the window. People want it and they want it now. If they want the tattooed look, they don’t acquire ink over time; they walk in to a tattoo boutique and get full sleeves in a few sittings. If they want to become bike racers, they don’t join a club and suffer for results until a local team asks them to join; they run right out and start their own Cat 5 super team. They don’t learn about cycling by doing; they get all the aesthetic and gear cues online, walk into (or mouse-click into) a shop and buy it all at once.
That’s all fine, except when you do things that way you don’t learn right. Particularly, you don’t learn the details. And while you think you might look the part and own the role, those of us who learned the hard way (by looking stupid until someone took pity on us and gave us a clue) can tell from some small cues you’re lacking in fundamentals. Just as dogs pick up on the minutest tail twitch, fur bristle, or ear movement, the experienced cyclist quickly looks you over and draws a conclusion.
Here are just a few of these cues. Some are better known than others. Most are referenced elsewhere on the internet. But I’m reiterating them here since I think they bear repeating:
(*A lot of this is roadie-specific. But roadies, as the most anal of cyclists, are the Keepers of the Law. Kinda like the Orthodox Christians or Jews. You may resent them, but they maintain the rules so the rest of us can violate them.)
That’s all fine, except when you do things that way you don’t learn right. Particularly, you don’t learn the details. And while you think you might look the part and own the role, those of us who learned the hard way (by looking stupid until someone took pity on us and gave us a clue) can tell from some small cues you’re lacking in fundamentals. Just as dogs pick up on the minutest tail twitch, fur bristle, or ear movement, the experienced cyclist quickly looks you over and draws a conclusion.
Here are just a few of these cues. Some are better known than others. Most are referenced elsewhere on the internet. But I’m reiterating them here since I think they bear repeating:
(*A lot of this is roadie-specific. But roadies, as the most anal of cyclists, are the Keepers of the Law. Kinda like the Orthodox Christians or Jews. You may resent them, but they maintain the rules so the rest of us can violate them.)
Skewers (Quick-Releases)
Quick release levers should always be on the non-drive (left) side of the bike. On the rear, this is common sense since on the right side it would interfere with your derailleur and gear cluster. But the front wheel should always follow suit—I’m stunned at how often I see high-end road bikes with their QR levers on the wrong side. (The only exception is in the case of a disc brake-equipped mountain bike, where the front caliper might interfere with the lever.)
Also, positioning (direction in which the QR lever points) is important. 12:00 front and 2:00 rear is acceptable, as is 2:00 front and 10:00 rear, for example. Random compass-needles-in-a-magnetic-field angles are not.
Tire Labels
Always on the drive side, and always aligned with the valve stem. The practical reason for this is it helps you orient the tire and the tube when searching for punctures. But more importantly, it looks right.
Rim Labels
If you have a rim with a label on it (like a Mavic Open Pro, for example), the label should be readable from the drive-side of the bike. If it’s not your wheel is backwards. If it’s the rear wheel it was built wrong. In this case it is imperative you remove the sticker.
Hub Label
The brand name on your front hub shell should be readable when you’re sitting on the bike. If you orient it this way and the rim sticker faces the wrong way, see above.
Eyewear
If you wear eyewear in conjunction with a helmet, the earpieces of your glasses should always go over your helmet straps. (Though even pro racers violate this one in the heat of battle.)Pedal Stroke
An experienced rider is readily identifiable by his pedal stroke. The most obvious cue is the knees. They should be as close together as possible, almost hitting the top tube. Bowlegged pedaling screams “I started riding yesterday.”Saddle
There is a tendency for new riders, particularly of the “My First Fixie” variety, to angle the nose of their saddles way, way down. I don’t know why this is, but I suspect it’s because they set their bars too low despite never having really ridden a drop-bar bike before. Also, I’ve seen lots of messengers do this, probably to keep their bags from getting hung up on the nose of the saddle, so I suppose it was copied from them. Whatever the reason, if you’re doing this, stop! Your saddle should be level or close to it. A few millimeters here or there is fine if your taint demands it. A 45 degree downward slope should be reserved for downhill skiing.Helmets
To wear or not to wear is a matter of personal choice. I begrudge neither decision. And obviously in competition you have no choice. But if you are riding on the road (whether road bike, road fixie, or whatever), lose the visor! Visors have no place on a helmet except on the mountain bike trail. Wear a cycling cap under your helmet instead—this does not occur to a lot of newbies. Also, lose the BMX/skater helmet with no vents. I realize some people think helmets make you look dorky, and that these are somehow cooler. They’re not. They make your head look like a penis. If you’re that concerned about looks just skip the helmet and take the risk. And finally, most importantly, NO MOTORCYCLE HELMETS. Yes, I’ve been seeing people wearing skid-lids on their bikes around town lately. Get it off!
Stickers
This should go without saying, but any stickers that came on your bike, particularly those conveying either the size of the bike or dire warnings, should be removed immediately. I don’t care that you’re riding a 56, or that improper assembly of your bike can lead to accidents, or whatever the warning labels say. If it ain’t under the clearcoat, get it off.
As far as stickers put on for aesthetic purposes or for the espousal of political beliefs, musical preferences, or equipment endorsements, I think it looks stupid, but go ahead if you want, it’s your funeral. However, equipment stickers advertising brands that are not present on the actual bicycle are especially idiotic-looking. (Like a Campy sticker on an all-Shimano bike.)
Don’t get me started on cards in the spokes.
Pie Plates
This is the plastic disc that is often found under the cassette on pre-built road bikes. There is absolutely no excuse for having one of these on your bike. It is like leaving the tag in your underwear. Learn how to remove a cassette and get rid of that thing!
Attitude
This may come as a shock to the newer riders out there, but there is absolutely nothing cool about trying to race somebody on your commute or on a recovery ride in the park. I know you’re very excited to be on your new Pista or Madone or whatever, and I know you feel like you need to prove yourself when you see someone else on a track bike or on a road bike in a team kit or whatever the case may be. But you need to learn something very important—it’s not always cool to attack, and it’s never OK to sit on a stranger’s wheel.That guy on the track bike you’re killing yourself to pass may simply be on his way home from the velodrome, or from a day’s work as a messenger. The guy on the carbon wonder-bike in full lycra regalia may be returning from a 90-mile training ride, or a race, or may be cooling down from an interval. He sees you pick up the pace when you approach him, he hears you panting, he sees you look over your shoulder, and he knows what you’re up to. That’s why he lets you get a lead and then passes you on the next hill, often making a point of making a cell-phone call or eating some food, so he can pass you no-handed.
