In the last few days I've received a number of alarming emails. And while each one was disturbing in its own way, when considered in their totality the gestalt was downright chilling. In fact, I have to confess that earlier this morning I was dangerously close to announcing that The End was finally upon us. Fortunately, though, I've determined it's not. But I am upping the alert level from 85 to 90 gear-inches, so you can continue to seek refuge in your cognitive dissonance, at least for now.
I know that some of you are tired of living in fear and you'd rather read about something else. Fortunately, the internet is a vast litterbox of soiled sand in which you can bury your head, full of product reviews, ride reports, training tips, and perverse bicycle pornography. But I'd rather be hated for speaking the truth than live with the guilt I'd feel if I simply contributed to the lies. Others of you think you're safe. Like the mountain bikers. But don't delude yourselves, because you will not be spared. You sit around, arguing about frivolous things like wheel size. But no size can save you! Your diminutive 26-inch wheels will get hopelessly stuck in the ruts of the post-apocalyptic wasteland, and your bloated 29-inch wheels will accelerate too slowly to allow you to escape the flames. Even the 650B-ers are doomed, as they shall be punished for their waffly, bet-hedging ways, and the air will be ripe with the stench of burning leg hair, CamelBak, and tire slime.
I realize this all may sound a bit overzealous, but you'd be agitated too if one of the first things you heard this morning was this. I'd heard this before, but a reader was unkind enough to email it to me again. It appears to be a fixed-gear appropriation of the Chamillionaire song "Ridin' Dirty." (I'm not sure what a Chamillionaire is, but I'm guessing it's someone who's much richer than a regular millionaire.)
Bad? Yes. Apocalyptically bad? Also yes. Set your house on fire, grab a firearm, and run naked into the street bad? Not by itself. But then there's this, which has been making the rounds lately.
Here, the song and the tedious footage combine to form a world-class tour de dorkitude. If the Nada Surf video and the Robin Thicke video were first cousins this would be their mentally-challenged offspring. Watching someone riding around in overcast weather is marginally less interesting than watching someone tape a pair of handlebars, and if I wanted to watch someone delivering packages slowly I'd just follow a postal worker around. Worst of all, if you can bear to wait for the parts where he actually gets off the bike and goes into his bag, it's clear that the video has been speeded up. It looks like old Babe Ruth footage. So he hasn't just been riding slowly; he's actually been riding very slowly.
And if you're looking for the missing ingredient to crystallize this miserable melange of rap and riding, here it is, via BSNYC gadfly, fixed-gear freestylist, and street culture enthusiast Prolly:
I know that some of you are tired of living in fear and you'd rather read about something else. Fortunately, the internet is a vast litterbox of soiled sand in which you can bury your head, full of product reviews, ride reports, training tips, and perverse bicycle pornography. But I'd rather be hated for speaking the truth than live with the guilt I'd feel if I simply contributed to the lies. Others of you think you're safe. Like the mountain bikers. But don't delude yourselves, because you will not be spared. You sit around, arguing about frivolous things like wheel size. But no size can save you! Your diminutive 26-inch wheels will get hopelessly stuck in the ruts of the post-apocalyptic wasteland, and your bloated 29-inch wheels will accelerate too slowly to allow you to escape the flames. Even the 650B-ers are doomed, as they shall be punished for their waffly, bet-hedging ways, and the air will be ripe with the stench of burning leg hair, CamelBak, and tire slime.
I realize this all may sound a bit overzealous, but you'd be agitated too if one of the first things you heard this morning was this. I'd heard this before, but a reader was unkind enough to email it to me again. It appears to be a fixed-gear appropriation of the Chamillionaire song "Ridin' Dirty." (I'm not sure what a Chamillionaire is, but I'm guessing it's someone who's much richer than a regular millionaire.)
Bad? Yes. Apocalyptically bad? Also yes. Set your house on fire, grab a firearm, and run naked into the street bad? Not by itself. But then there's this, which has been making the rounds lately.
Here, the song and the tedious footage combine to form a world-class tour de dorkitude. If the Nada Surf video and the Robin Thicke video were first cousins this would be their mentally-challenged offspring. Watching someone riding around in overcast weather is marginally less interesting than watching someone tape a pair of handlebars, and if I wanted to watch someone delivering packages slowly I'd just follow a postal worker around. Worst of all, if you can bear to wait for the parts where he actually gets off the bike and goes into his bag, it's clear that the video has been speeded up. It looks like old Babe Ruth footage. So he hasn't just been riding slowly; he's actually been riding very slowly.
And if you're looking for the missing ingredient to crystallize this miserable melange of rap and riding, here it is, via BSNYC gadfly, fixed-gear freestylist, and street culture enthusiast Prolly:
By now I was ready to follow my three-step Fixed-Gear Apocalypse Survival Plan, which is as follows:
1) Dismantle any and all fixed-gear bicycles right down to the spoke nipples and hub bearing and bury all components as far apart from each-other as possible. (This decreases the likelihood that your fixed-gear bicycle will be resurrected after the Apocalypse and seek revenge.)
2) Assemble as many cogs as possible and use them as ninja throwing stars. (This may be the only way to defend yourself against the roving bandana-wearing, snug-trousered zombie hordes.)
3) Paint yourself white to deflect the Apocalyptic blast. (Like Neil in "The Young Ones.")
But first, I decided to check the NYC PistaDex. And to my horror, it was at 370, thanks mostly to this one:
2003 Bianchi Pista fixed gear - 56cm frame - $300 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/fct/bik/552166773.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-26, 9:07AM EST
Selling my 2003 Bianchi Pista fixie. I've used this bike for both training and commuting and loved riding it. I'm working on a new fixed-gear project so this one has to go.
All the components are stock except for the tires. I've put about 3000mi on the bike and have taken very good care of it. It also has Shimano 600 brake levers and Shimano 105 front calipers. I will sell with or without pedals (I have both a clip and clipless set I'd include if you want). Gearing is 48T front (on a Truvativ crank) and 16T fixed/17T freewheel on the rear flip-flop hub.
Let me know if you have any questions. I'm only looking for a good home for this bike.
The only thing that allowed me to keep my cool here was the fact that this bike is in Fairfield, Connecticut and is clearly owned by someone who is not using it for fixed-gear freestyling purposes. Surely some trendy young urban citydweller will Mapquest Fairfield, convince a friend to drive him up there in a hand-me-down Volvo with Vermont plates, and bring it back to Brooklyn. He'll then try to sell it shortly thereafter for something with more street cred, and the PistaDex will correct itself.No sooner had I recovered from the shock of seeing the NYC PistaDex, though, than I read an email from a reader warning me that the Austin PistaDex had plummeted as well. Things haven't been going too well in Austin recently, and when I investigated I found that the PistaDex was languishing at 362.5.
My hands shaking, I collected what was left of my wits and checked in with the other major markets:
Los Angeles: 450
Whew! I was particularly encouraged by this one:
2007 Bianchi Pista 53cm - $400 [original URL: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/bik/550937082.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-25, 2:18AM PST
I have a 2007 Chrome Bianchi Pista with a couple nice upgrades for sale. This bike is in great condition with low mileage. Can work with trades, but really i'm only looking to upgrade to an aluminum framed bike such as a Fuji Track Pro, Bianchi Pista Concept, or Felt TK2. Thanks for looking!
EDIT 1/25: This bike no longer comes with a wheelset, sorry! Reduced the price
Here are the specs:
-Headset: Cane Creek VP1
-Handlebar: Bontrager Select Drops (wrapped in celeste bartape)
-Stem: Bontrager Select 110mm Stem
-Crankset: Truvativ Touro 48T
-Chain: KMC
-Pedals: Wellgo Track Pedals w/ toe clips
-Saddle: Fizik Arione Wing Flex Limited Celeste ($100 for saddle alone!), Selle Marcos Pirelli Saddle looks and feels like a Turbo saddle,
Keywords: track, fixed, fixie, bianchi, pista, singlespeed,
$400 for a used Pista with no wheels is indeed a good sign. Surely this must have something to do with the newsworthy fact that the infamous Wolfpack just did a (cough) century. (That's a lot of cigarette breaks!)
San Francisco: 534
Here's a representative ad:
Bianchi Pista 2006-size 49 - $600 (san jose downtown) [original URL: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/bik/553547458.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-27, 1:46PM PST
Bianchi pista in color gang green, the size is a 49 , im 5'2 so if your a small person too thant its a perfect fit the bike is in great condition except for 2 minor scraches but other than that great. I really hate to see this bike go but i dont have time to ride anymore and i need the money. so i will be accepting e-mails please include your name and phone number so that i can get back to you at my earliest convinience. Thank you.
Used Pista. $600. Bay Area spared.
Pacific Northwest: 540
There was one Pista for sale in Seattle for $500, and nothing available in Portland. In a tight Pista market where none are for sale just substitute the MSRP. Averaging Seattle and Portland then gives us the Pacific Northwest PistaDex. (Yes, I've heard there are other cities in the Pacific Northwest besides those, but I refuse to acknowledge any of them until I see actual proof that they exist.)
Chicago: Indeterminately Juicy
What does that mean? Well, take a look at the only Pista currently for sale in Chicago:
Tricked Out Track Bike Fixie do it do it [original URL: http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/bik/550358303.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2008-01-24, 3:35PM CST
Size 57 bianchi pista. Custom paint is pearl blood red. Wheels are velocity. Riser is only modification. Everything is pretty much stock. Very small scratch on chainstay. Can't even really be seen. Option of 2 saddles. Also have soma double strap pedals for extra cash. Selling because I have a lot of bikes, and this one serves no purpose to me. Shipping is determined by bike shop so let me know where you live and I will ball park it. Less than 100 miles on bike total.
NO LOW BALL OFFERS!
After a few readers emailed me about this I was watching the auction carefully, as I knew the eventual winner would probably be a demon, horseman, or at least a harbinger of some kind. But someone--or some thing--has stopped it. And we probably owe that entity our lives.
