This is hardly surprising, since I've made no secret of my fondness for knuckle tattoos. But while I've been aware of the Knog "Love Hate" Glove for some time, I was not aware until recently that you can now purchase a pair from the Secret Website:

Obviously, this is fantastic news. But I was surprised to find that when I clicked the "More Info..." link in the description it displayed the following warning:

Now I was intrigued. What images could Knog possibly have included in the packaging for a pair of gloves that would warrant this sort of warning? Well, I didn't have to wonder for very long. It just so happens that when Knog sent me all those "hipster cysts" back in December, they included some other items in the package as well. And one of those items was a pair of "Love Hate" Gloves. At the time, I just tried to ignore them in much the same way you'd try to ignore a dead cockroach in your lunch after you've already eaten half of it--there's nothing you can do about it anyway, so your best bet is to just push the plate aside, excuse yourself from the table, and pretend it was never there in the first place. And that's what I did with the gloves.
But now that I knew the package actually contained inappropriate imagery, I made straight for the box, rummaged around wrist-deep in "hypster cysts," found the gloves, and tore the package open. Sure enough, in addition to handwear, it contained this:

I suppose it's wrong of me to expect more from the company that invented the Porno Patch, but at least they were up front about that. These giant pornographic Breathe Right strips are another story altogether. I can't help but suspect that this may have something to do with the fact that Knog is an Australian company. Sure, once upon a time our countries had something in common--after all, we were both a part of England. But then, the supercontinent of Pangea began to separate, and ever since then we've been drifting apart. Now, we couldn't be more different, as one look at our respective national heroes sufficiently proves:
Fortunately, things over at the Secret Website's sibling company are far less insidious--or are they? I recently received the latest Performance catalog in the mail (Performance catalogs are like cold sores in that no matter where you go or what you do somehow you'll keep getting them) and was delighted to discover that, with the election but a memory, Democrat and Republican jerseys are finally on clearance:

Now this is what our nation's youth needs--patriotism, not porn. But take a closer look: