Nevertheless, yesterday I decided on the former, and though I didn't have much time to spare I did manage to slip into my Fred costume and ride a bicycle with drop bars in circles around Prospect Park. It was sunny and warm, and eventually my suspicion gave way to enjoyment. As Mario Cipollini once said, "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." (Actually, now that I think about it, that was Oscar Wilde. I believe the famous Mario Cipollini quote was, "Please make the sit on my face.") Similarly, as I always like to say, "The only thing better than sneaking in a bike ride on an unseasonably warm day is sneaking in a bike ride on an unseasonably warm day and also spotting the noble and elusive Y-Foil:"
A finer example of this sadly extinct breed you're unlikely to see, and it's even got the amber tires to match the amber frame. Of course, when admiring a Y-Foil in the wild it's important to be quiet, since they scare easily and when startled they can trap you in their frames and punch holes in your body with their exposed seatposts. I've seen people die this way, and it's not pretty. In fact, the only thing more dangerous than startling a wild Y-Foil is sneaking up on a faired recumbent:
Frankly, the maker of this video is fortunate to be alive, and he should thank his lucky beard he wasn't sucked into the cockpit and devoured whole. (Or, worse, the rider could have been in there, in which case he would have bored the filmmaker to death with his observations about efficiency and aerodynamics.) Anyway, I like the part where he says the recumbent looks "like a little bullet," though I was thinking it looks a lot more like a suppository.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll be ecstatic, and if you're wrong you'll see evil Dutch pro-bike propaganda. (Which, depending on your own personal smugness quotient, might also make you ecstatic.)
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and beware of rabid Y-Foils.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Belt drive is out; ______ _____ is in.
--Shaft drive
--Direct drive
--String drive
--Quartz drive
(Fiets of strength.)
2) The dutch word "fiets," which means "bicycle," is linguistically descended from a German phrase meaning:
--"Replacement horse"
--"Substitute mule"
--"Auxiliary stallion"
--"Crotch chariot"
("Eureka!")
3) David Byrne discovered the bicycle.
--True
--False
(Police accessories for your Segway: So hot right now.)
4) The hot new accessory for your replacement horse is:
--The cockpit-mounted periscope
--The on-board nail clipper
--The suede top tube pad
--The houseplant
5) This rider's helment is an homage to which "Star Wars" character?
--R2-D2
--C-3PO
--Frodo
--Chewbaccadiah the Mennonite Wookiee
("Electronic yodeling pickle?" Is that what they're calling them now?)
6) Pickle delivery by bike! Must be:
--Portland
--Portland
--San Francisco
--Portland
7) Artisanal jerky and artisanal springs! Must be:
--Portland
--Portland
--Brooklyn
--Portland
***Special Technology-Themed Bonus Question***
Breakaway _______:
--Bicycles
--Saddles
--Mirrors
--Sweatpants
