To you, Friday likely means the start of that inexorable slide into sloth and lethargy that characterizes your weekend. Sure, your body may be at work, but your brain is already elsewhere. This is probably because you have one of those cushy jobs, like being a neurosurgeon, or piloting a fighter plane, or fighting fires. I, however, am a semi-professional bike blogger, so that means while you're spinning down I'm gearing up and getting to work, work, work!
Just kidding, this is obviously not "work," and I've been wearing the same sweatpants for two weeks now.
Even so, that doesn't mean I don't have important plugs to plug, because I do. First of all, my BRA tour is not done yet, and my tour sponsor Brooks and my publisher Chronicle have teamed up to give you the opportunity to win some fabulous prizes by entering "The 'WTF Was That?!' Photo Contest!"
Well, okay, the book's not fabulous, but the Brooks messenger bag certainly is--that's a $97,000 value! Anyway, all you have to do is take a picture of something wacky and submit it via the link above and you could be "portaging" your personal effects in the dandiest messenger bag in town.
Also, if you're within snot rocket-blowing distance of New York City, please note that tomorrow (Saturday, May 5th) I'll be speaking at the Bike Expo New York at 1:00pm:
To be perfectly honest I had thought last week's New Amsterdam Bike Show and this week's Bike Expo New York were the same event, since it never occurred to me that a fourth-rate cycling city like New York could possibly sustain two bike shows. Therefore, it was only recently that I realized I'd be speaking here twice. Nevertheless, I'm tremendously excited to have to go all the way into the city again, and maybe some of the eight or nine people in this town who read my blog will be so bored tomorrow that they'll actually come down to hear me blather for a second time.
Also, I promise not to wear the sweatpants.
Then, next week, it's off to foggy London town, where on Thursday, May 10th I'll be unhooking my first-ever UK BRA at 5:30pm (or 17:30, or whatever they call time over there) at Look Mum No Hands!
It says "There are currently no events," but there totally are, and the event is me.
Finally, I will then go from Scotland's Saddlesore all the way to Italy, where on Sunday, May 13th I'll be appearing at the "Full Bike Day" festival in Brindisi:
I'm still not entirely sure what this festival is all about and I am scared.
After "Full Bike Day," I will return to New York, where I invite you all to help me dig a great big hole in which I will bury myself for at least a year.
Speaking of BRA-ing, yesterday I was summoned all the way into the city (sigh) for a special corporate BRA, and on my way there I rode for a bit behind a rider on a tall bike:
(That vest looks even dirtier than my sweatpants.)
I was amused by the fact that a member of an "outlaw bicycle club" was dutifully using the bike lane like a good little citizen, but I suppose if he were to "take the lane" that he stood the risk of being knocked unconscious by the traffic light.
Eventually, I arrived at the corporate BRA. The company turned out to be some kind of Internet start-up whose flagship product was something called a "search engine." (Yeah, like that'll ever catch on.) Frankly, I'm a little concerned about the future of this company, because not only are they so lazy that they had to request a special BRA instead simply going to a regular one, but they also had squandered a fortune on providing ample indoor bike parking for their employees:
The bicycle pictured above is actually my own Scattante, moments before Rocky started pounding it in training for his upcoming bout with Apollo Creed.
Anyway, you know you've "made it" when you're invited to speak at a company that's almost as successful as Facebook and you find your name hastily scrawled on a whiteboard:
You're always just a felt eraser away from total obscurity.
Anyway, I had a lot of fun at the BRA, even though it was a depressing reminder of just how unemployable I am, since while they were keeping all of our emails running in between games of ping-pong I couldn't even figure out the recycling in the cafeteria. Then, on the way home, I stopped at a red light next to the exact opposite of a tall bike:
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see the man-to-sperm transition.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may no part of you get caught in the zipper of your fairing.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
"The 34-year-old is yet to cross the finish line first at the Giro d'Italia, but was posthumously awarded stage 7 in 2007 after Milram's Alessandro Petacchi who was stripped of his victory for an irregular salbutamol test later in the race."
1) Rumors of Thor Hushovd's demise have been greatly exaggerated.
--True
--False
(Spotted by a reader)
2) What was the chief selling point of the 1818 draisine?
--The lightweight 70lb low spoke-count wheelset featured a stiff yet aerodynamic radial lacing pattern
3) What is the chief selling point of the 2012 draisine?
--Continuously variable foot-driven transmission is maintenance-free and superior to both derailleur and internally-geared systems
--Head yolk snaps rider's neck on impact
--Disc brakes
--All of the above
--Continuously variable foot-driven transmission is maintenance-free and superior to both derailleur and internally-geared systems
--Head yolk snaps rider's neck on impact
--Disc brakes
--All of the above
4) Which is not a part of Bill Nye the Science Guy's vision for the cycling cities of tomorrow?
--Tunnels to protect us from the elements
--Louvers for a permanent tailwind
--In-office laundry service
--A wholesale move to tall bikes as the atmosphere at ground level becomes increasingly unbreathable
5) Louvers provide Bill Nye's IROC with a permanent tailwind.
--True
--False
6) David Byrne owns an IROC.
--True
--False
7) Piermont, NY's biggest quality-of-life issue is:
--Hudson River pollution
--The incessant noise of truck traffic
--PCBs in the playgrounds
--The sound of passing cyclists conversing
***Special Nonplussed Woodsman-Themed Bonus Question***
This guy wants to:
--Sell you a bike
--Trade his bike for a set of barbells
--Rock and roll all night and party every day
--Kill you
