Cheese. Steak.
Bike. Snob.
Douche. Bag.
Now that's good spondee.
("I Drink." "Milk shake.")
Still not sure I understand spondee but whatever.
Secondly, the maker of Chuey Brand cycling hats has been arrested in San Francisco under unhappy circumstances. (Obviously most arrests occur under unhappy circumstances, but by all accounts this is one of those cases that's unhappy because the person getting arrested was the victim of injustice and police brutality.) By way of helping him, Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market is donating t-shirt proceeds, and his supporters have also set up a legal and medical aid fund. If you feel like helping him please do, and if you don't you can just come to Philly and tuck money into the elastic waistband of my sweatpants, and I promise you I'll use those funds to go on a Bike Nashbar shopping spree. (Because you can never have too much Primal Wear.)
Lastly, here's a humorous video I saw on the Twitter:
I LOLed, and then I lulled, and then I listed left, and then I finally fell hard with my face onto the edge of the coffee table, and now I lisp.
If you'd like to donate to my dental reconstruction surgery, you can do so here.
I love you.
And now, I'd like to present you with a quiz, and so I will. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you're right $500 will magically appear in your wallet (but only if your wallet is made out of the hide of the highly endangered African wild ass), and if you're wrong you'll see a steep bicycle.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and either I'll see you in Philadelphia or I won't.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine, Attorney at LOL
(We're supposed to chuckle because the cyclist is getting hit by a car.)
1) This illustration accompanied an article about the Armstrong debacle in which periodical?
--The New York Post
--The NY Daily News
--USA Today
--The New Yorker
2) Nothing says "playtime" like
--A sick pet
--A bicycle "accident" fun set
--The Park Tool "My First Flat Repair Kit"
--The IRS "Li'l Taxpayer" Form 1040 For Kids! ("Schedule A" sold separately)
3) As if there aren't enough bike amenities in the Netherlands, now they're talking about:
--Paying bicycle commuters €2 per kilometer ridden
--Free bakfietsen for families with two or more children
--Heated bike lanes
--Clipless clogs
(Only religion and comic book superheroes can save us.)
4) There's no surer sign of America's decline than:
--High unemployment
--Rampant home foreclosures
--An enormous deficit
--People riding bicycles
("Uh, where's the 'eject' button?")
5) If you donate $65 to "a free bicycle-powered pop-up art gallery that travels the world," you'll receive:
--A painting of a cassette tape that once spent some time in my "basement"
--A cassette tape forcefully inserted in your "basement"
--A pound of unicorn cheese, six magic Raisinets, and a talking dog named Rufus
--Six months later, if you're lucky, a note thanking you for your $65
6) According to "Bicycle Retailer and Industry News," Budnitz Bicycles has developed a proprietary technique called "Budnitzing," which will reduce creaking and further enhance the durability of titanium frame tubing.
--True
--Flase
7) Paul Budnitz is the Karl Farbman of the cycling industry.
--True
--False
***Special Anatomy-Themed Bonus Question***
Disembodied:
--Hand
--Foot
--Ear
--Sub-abdominal region
