Whether Mission Bicycles succeeds or fails remains to be seen. But I’m certain of one thing: if they built this bicycle (emailed to me recently by a reader) instead and charged $500 or so more than they are now their success would be assured:
This completely absurd parody of a parody of a fixed-gear is the way you sell a bike. You may have heard the old expression about selling the sizzle, not the steak. Well, in bicycle retail, you don't sell the ride, you sell the crotch pain. Sure, you may draw certain conclusions from looking at this bike, such as: it’s ugly; 700c + 650c = moronic; and it’s completely useless unless you’re this guy:
In fact, you can only do two things on this bike: 1) let everyone see the waistband of your underwear; and 2) look like you’re having your lower intestine searched for condoms filled with cocaine. But this bike dares you to ride it, and that’s what people find irresistible. Like any other fashion accessory, a bicycle needs to be expensive and uncomfortable. Nobody with any style wants something that’s easy to get and easy to use. The affluent man-on-the-make doesn’t want a woman who’s interested in him, and he doesn’t want a bike he can ride. He wants a model who can barely stand him and he wants a BMC Time Machine in the garage with the price tag still on it. So if Mission Bicycles wants to sell bikes to trend-conscious urban sophisticates, they shouldn’t be offering semi-impractical milquetoast bikes for just a few hundred dollars more than they’re worth. They should be selling S&M chairs on wheels for a price that would make a Sheik balk.
Just look at The Great Trek Bicycle-Making Corporation, one of the most successful bike companies in the world. They got it perfect with the new Madone:
Just look at The Great Trek Bicycle-Making Corporation, one of the most successful bike companies in the world. They got it perfect with the new Madone:
This bike tells discerning consumers exactly what they want to hear. Can I choose my own headset or bottom braket? No. Can I use a non-outboard bearing crank? Nope. Can I use a different seatpost? Sorry, I don’t think so. Can I maybe slip a fender between those sexy chainstays? Not on your life. And just like the urban sophisticate’s model girlfriend, bikes like the Madone will make you spend a lot of money on them and then leave you frustrated with a long piece of hard plastic in your hand. Oh, and they don't age too well either. And that’s what people want in a bike.
