A Glimpse Into The Mind of a Madman

As we all know by now, in the wee hours of the morning yesterday someone on a bicycle set off a bomb at the military recruiting station in Times Square. We cyclists have perhaps been hit hardest by this attack. Certainly I can't be the only one who has been looked at askance since the bombing. In fact, word on the street is that an NYPD crackdown on bicyclists is currently under way. This is frightening. If they expect us to stop at red lights, next they'll want us to stick around after we mow down pedestrians. Where does it end?

So it looks like we're going to have to catch this guy, if only to improve our own quality of life. In fact, I've already done my part. In the hours following the blast, I visited the scene of the crime. While the authorities were doing their best to collect leads, I figured that it takes a cyclist to catch a cyclist. And surely enough, near the site of the explosion, I found this:

Unlike the letters that have been sent to Congress, this appears to be the genuine article. This is also perhaps the most vivid insight into the mind of a psychopath I've seen since Geraldo interviewed Charles Manson. It's simultaneously crazier than that milkshake movie, scarier than Mario Cipollini's chamois, and dumber than U23D. While we can still only speculate as to the bomber's identity, we at least now know a little more about his motivation. I'm confident in the coming hours that forensic examination and handwriting analysis will yield even more vital information.

In the meantime, if you know any hooded sweatshirt-wearing cyclists with annoying roommates, be sure to turn them in. I realize this describes about half of Brooklyn, but in times like this prudence is a luxury we cannot afford.