On one hand, I was honored. $2,645.00 is a lot of money. That's 6.297768994 Scattante Empire State Couriers, or 1.664568911 Opas from Dutch Bike Co. Seattle, or 0.315068493 Serotta Meivici framesets! On the other hand, the white space in the thermometer reminded me of how much I'm apparently not worth and only served to underscore my many shortcomings. I'd like to say it sent me into a spiral of self-doubt, but I already live in a spiral of self-doubt. I also noticed one or two of Fatty's commenters mentioned they were "scared" to meet me. If it's any consolation, rest assured I'm far more frightened of you than you are of me. In any case, in all seriousness, many thanks to all those who have donated so far, and I look forward to meeting, well, somebody.By the way, when I say New York City is packed with interesting things, I mean it. Yesterday evening on the Manhattan Bridge I was excited to discover this lunch box zip-tied to the chainlink fence which is there to keep all of us shame-spiraling New Yorkers with no access to wire cutters from killing ourselves:
According to both the cover on the pad and the moldy note in the Ziploc bag, the lunchbox had actually been repurposed as a "suggestion box:"
There was also a URL inside the pad:
As you may know, I'm a tremendous fan of suggestion boxes, and I continue to cherish the single suggestion that I received. So I figured the least I could do was contribute. Perhaps it was the enchanting light of a spring evening, or perhaps it was the pleasant sound of my fellow cyclists passing back and forth on the bike path beside me, or perhaps it was because I had just downed a bottle of Purple Drank, but for whatever reason I was suddenly overtaken by an uncharacteristic wave of good feelings and so I suggested the following:
After stuffing the suggestion in the lunchbox I realized this is the same thing Jerry asked the flight attendant for when he got to fly first class in that "Seinfeld" episode. I also realized that I don't really feel that way at all. If anything, there's too much of everything already, and what what I'd really like is "No anything." Still, what's done is done. So if you notice a sudden uptick in everything you have me to blame.
That said, I hereby present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and click on your answer. If you're right you will be reaffirmed, and if you're not you'll see this informative PSA.
Thanks very much for reading, donating, emailing and commenting. Have a great weekend and ride safe.
--BSNYC/RTMS
1) What is happening here?--A department store BMX is humping an old three-speed
--The bicycle equivalent of organic matter being broken down into soil
--Typical New York City bike parking
--All of the above
2) What is this guy doing?
--He's representing Brooklyn with his knuckle tattoo gloves
--He's representing Lynbrook with his knuckle tattoo gloves
--He's preparing to beat somebody to death with his Kryptonite chain for calling him a "woosie"
--He's pretending to think about pretending to ride a Dutch City bike
3) What's the Dutch city bike equivalent of an alleycat?--Donning period-correct clothing and hitting up the Anne Frank House
--Bike-jousting with stale baguettes
--Donning TT helmets and full skinsuits and racing four-corner criteriums
--The Amstel Gold race
--Magnesium
--Carbon
--Crabon
--Karbona
5) After publishing his controversial opinion piece, to which indignity was columnist and overnight sensation Zack Colman not subjected?
--He received death threats
--His Saturn was vandalized
--His Passover Seder was interrupted
--He had to alter his driving route due to a Critical Mass ride organized in response to his column
6) What happened during a recent driver/cyclist altercation in Indiana?
--The cyclist exposed himself to the driver
--The cyclist threw the driver's keys down a storm drain
--The driver attempted to bite off the cyclist's ear
--The driver attempted to steal the cyclist's bike
7) On Wednesday a Wired blogger posted a piece in which he attempted to ridicule fixed-gear fashion. What did he post on Thursday?--A piece in which he praised his Dutch city bike
--A piece in which he attempted to ridicule roadie fashion
--A piece in which he reviewed a Vespa LX 50 scooter
--An announcement that he was now building a fixed-gear bike followed by a bunch of questions that were answered by Sheldon Brown and Bikeforums years ago
"A pressure port and and barometer measure wind speed, an accelerometer measures acceleration and road grade, and speed and cadence are picked up by ANT+ wireless sensors. Total weight is inputted by the rider, and CdA and Crr are determined by a series of coastdowns and a 4 mile out and back calibration ride."
8) The above is a description of which piece of equipment?
--An aftermarket GPS now available for BMW motorcycles
--The dashboard of the GM + Segway "Puma" collabo
--Apple's new "iWhizzinator"
9) A jackalope is a cross between "a now extinct pugmy deer and a rubbit."
--True
--False
How much can you expect to pay to palp this pair of "cycling-inspired" shants with integrated tights, which exercises "a firm direction towards practical and functional menswear," and which "brings together a union of casual and more refined fashion"?
--The dashboard of the GM + Segway "Puma" collabo
--Apple's new "iWhizzinator"
9) A jackalope is a cross between "a now extinct pugmy deer and a rubbit."
--True
--False
***Special Cycling Fashion-Themed "Price Is Right" Bonus Question!!!***
How much can you expect to pay to palp this pair of "cycling-inspired" shants with integrated tights, which exercises "a firm direction towards practical and functional menswear," and which "brings together a union of casual and more refined fashion"?
--$175
--$256
--$526
--$625
