(Moist, moist, baby.)As much as I try not to come off as some sort of fender apologist or wheelbrow proselytizer, if you live in the New York City area it's hard not to notice that it now officially rains All The Time. It's also hard to imagine how one can manage without fenguards (which combines "fenders" and "mudguards" and as such is the pretentious "mid-Atlantic" term). Certainly the expression "biblical proportions" is an overused one, but we really have reached the point here where even the most worldly people among us are beginning to wonder if indeed we are being punished somehow. Personally, I'm starting to believe there may be some sort of cycling deity, and that deity has decided to drench us until we adopt the Way of the Fender. And while we've been granted a respite today, there's no end in sight to the deluge. Just check out the local forecast:
Tomorrow's weather will certainly call for wheelbrows. Furthermore, it looks pretty wild and unpredictable, hence the George Wipple advisory. (George Wipple is a local cable news "society reporter" known primarily for the twin toilet brushes which hover menacingly above his eyeballs.) Sunday and Monday will bring steady rain, hence the steady, reassuring brows of Sam Elliott. Tuesday's precipitation will be intermittent, and the week will finish off with isolated thunderstorms. While that may be an improvement, it's certainly no time to let your guard down, hence the groomed yet still ample brows of Vintage Brooke Shields. Also, make sure you palp waterproof makeup. (In a pinch I use drivetrain grime. It really brings out my eyes. It also makes them tear uncontrollably.)Having sufficiently dampened your enthusiasm, I now present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think carefully, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll see confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see highlights from three-time Tour de France winner Greg Lemond's controversial talk at the recent "Play the Game" conference.
Ride safe this weekend, and keep the rubber side down--unless you're wearing a rubber hat.
--BSNYC/RTMS
1) The driver above:
--Loves Dachshunds
--Loves crocheted pillows and novelty license plate frames
--Loves heading the wrong way down a one way street until the presence of surprised cyclist forces him to turn around
--All of the above
2) This Top Tube-Mounted Brake Lever (TTMBL) was spotted:--On Velospace
--On Fixedgeargallery
--At the Bicycle Film Festival
--On a Globe bicycle at the recent product launch
3) If you want to ride a "ghost bike," you don't need to settle for the monochromatic Globe "colorway." Instead, you can buy the real thing at:
--a Charleston, SC city auction
--Raleigh, NC Craigslist
--eBay
--the classified section at ghostbikes.org
4) Of which horned beast are these "epic" bars most evocative?--The noble elk
--The mighty ram
--The swift gazelle
--The pirouetting lemur
5) If you can put your fixie in your bed, then it is:
--Too light
--Too clean
--Too monochromatic
--Too promiscuous
6) World champion downhiller Missy Giove was recently arrested for:
--Pulling a trailer containing hundreds of pounds of marijuana
--Pulling a trailer containing hundreds of pounds of downhill bicycles
--Consipracy to distribute performance-enhancing drugs
--Stealing the Wendy O. Williams nipple-tape look
7) This knuckle tattoo is only visible:--Through special glasses
--Under a blacklight
--Under the influence of psilocybin
--To other hipsters
***Special Williamsburg, Brooklyn "hipster" courtship bonus question!***
In Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the phrase "haii boiii haaii!" usually precedes:
--A slap in the face
--A kiss on the cheek
--A punch in the groin
--A slap on the ass
