It's Wednesday! Hold Onto Your Pants.

Okay, who's the asshole who ran over Michael McKean?

Also, who's the septuagenarian who wrote that headline?  McKean transcended "Lenny" decades ago--that's like calling Jerry Seinfeld the guy from "Benson."  Of course, this being a car-on-pedestrian incident in New York City, you can guess what comes next:

No criminality was suspected in the smash-up, according to police.  Two other people were taken to the same hospital, although the extent of their injuries was unknown, officials said.

This is not to say the police didn't do any detective work.  In fact, they did question one suspect, but they were satisfied with his alibi and released him:

(David Byrne to police: "I don't own a car.  Ipso facto, I could not have hit Lenny.")

In any case, you have to suspect somebody did something wrong somewhere when two cars manage to take out three humans, a mailbox, and a trash can:

Pedestrian struck on West 86th St and Broadway - 2 cars collided and smashed into the man and then hit the mailbox and trash can.

Clearly, McKean brought this misfortune upon himself, for as a native New Yorker he should have known better than to stand on the sidewalk.  (I'm assuming he was on the sidewalk, unless the mailbox, the trash can, and McKean were all playing stickball in the middle of Broadway.)

Anyway, I'm sure you will join me in wishing him a speedy recovery.

Meanwhile, in recreational bicycle cycling news, the Sportive Cock has issued a press release letting the world know they will be offering a replica yellow jersey in honor of their sponsorship of this year's Tour of France:

According to the announcement:

The greatest champions, from Louison Bobet to Jaques Anquetil and Eddy Merckx to Bernard Hinault, have worn the Le Coq Sportif Yellow Jersey.

And this is precisely why you should not wear one.  Certainly the act of road-oriented bicycle cycling is  replete with "weird style dick tats."  However, while we may mock those who transgress them, the truth is most of the "dick tats" are meaningless, and mindless adherence to them can be more laughable than the transgressions themselves.  Go ahead, put your glasses under your helmet straps.  Wear half-shorts and tri-dorkulous ankle socks.  Slip on fifteen LiveStrong bracelets and let your leg hair grow wild and free.  None of these things really matter so long as you enjoy the ride.

However, riding around in the coveted maillot jaune may be a fridge too far.  There's just something about wearing other people's prizes that transcends dorky and goes right to "special needs."  It's sort of like walking around and carrying a stranger's bowling trophy with you.

Of course, you may disagree, and as far as you're concerned it may be perfectly acceptable to ride around in the jersey of the Touring of France race leader.  Hey, what can I say?  To eaches his or her owns.  We all have our own pet peeves.  Moreover, now that we're all "on the line" and using personal home computers and cellular telephones with push-button dialing and applications that help us find the nearest sandwich boutique, there are entrepreneurs constantly springing up on the Internet who want to help us address our pet peeves, no matter how minor or non-existent those pet peeves might be.  For example, do you have a problem with your bicycle constantly rolling away from you?  No?  Well then you're not going to want to give money to the inventors of the Spokebug:

Yes, it's the Spokebug, the superfluous little dingle for people who haven't come to terms with the fact that they need a bike with a kickstand:

Simply flick the Spokebug into the "on" position and you can accomplish exactly the same thing you can do with a small stick.  Not convinced?  Me neither.  Still, here's the video to further dissuade you:

I particularly enjoyed the sepia-toned quasi-old-timey slapstick video featuring some schmuck who really ought to just get one of those newfangled "kicking stands" they sell at Rivendell:

In fact, from the looks of that bike I'd be stunned if it didn't already have a kickstand and they had to take it off just for the video.  I also look forward to their next Kickstarter pitch, which will of course be for an electronic warning system that reminds you when you've forgotten to disengage your Spokebug.

Still, while Kickstarter may be just a Craigslist for would-be entrepreneurs, it's far more refined than eBay, where a reader discovered this:

Granted, as a semi-professional bike blogger the above outfit actually qualifies as "business casual" in my workplace, but if you're going to pose with your bike on eBay you should at least take the time to put on some pants.  Then again, titillating would-be buyers with his "treasure trail" could be his idea of salesmanship, and this seems even more likely when you peruse the copy:






It also puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.  By the way, that pictures certainly does show all bike parts--and then some.  I'm also beginning to suspect that the bike has been "keeper in his room for six years" because the seller hasn't left his room in six years either, and he's been inside and pantsless since at least 2006.

I look forward to his Kickstarter debut, when he pitches a crotchal equivalent of the Spokebug that keeps you from popping out of the fly of your boxer shorts.
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