BSNYC Friday Bake Sale and Power Lunch!

In New York City cycling circles, many people dream of a return to the "golden age" of cyclesport. You know, when Madison Square Garden was a hotbed of bicycle racing, and the only Knickerbockers you were likely to find in there were the old-timey pants. To this end, a "famed architect" has unveiled his plans for the New York Velodrome, which would be part of a proposed "cycling center" in Kingsbridge Armory in the Bronx:

Now, I'm not an architect, but I do see one glaring design flaw in this rendering, which is this: there is a ridiculously huge number of people in there! Don't get me wrong--I love the idea of a cycling center--but there's no way that many people are going to show up to watch six-day bike races. Sure, it's tempting to think that in a few years big companies will be wooing their clients with courtside velodrome seats, but I don't really see it happening. I mean, you can't even count on the "hipsters" anymore! Until recently, they at least would have pretended that they were dying to watch track racing. Now, though, if you went to Williamsburg and tried to drum up an audience, you'd probably meet with a lot of replies like this:

"Oooh, this is awkward. Yeah, we're all pretending to be into cyclocross now, sorry."

Hey, I like the idea of six-day races in New York City, but I'm just being realistic. Mainstream tastes are a little different these days, and I'm sure if you got Danny MacAskill in there hucking his bike off the rafters and onto people's heads you'd fill the place to capacity. I can imagine MacAskill ping-ponging all over a quasi-industrial stage set, and one of the "obstacles" could be David Blaine, who's suspended from the ceiling inside the trunk of a '98 Toyota Camry where he's been starving himself for months. The show will be a huck-tastic spectacular and an off-Broadway sensation.

Or, maybe the cycling center could host a thrilling speed-skater-vs-cycling match-up:

SpEeDsKaTeR verses CyCliSt - m4w - 100 (prospect park)
Date: 2011-11-02, 3:10PM EDT
Reply to:

we where chasing each other around the park. i was skating. you are lovely. you disappeared. you rode a mountain bike.

hope you had a good time.

maybe you'll get this...

I'm sorry I wasn't in the park that day because that must have been one of the most dork-tastic Cat 6 races of the year.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, a reader informs me that an "Occupy" protester in Oakland did some property damage with a U-lock:

This of course raises a compelling question full of all sorts of socio-political implications, and that question is this:

"So who's watching his bike?"

Think about it.

And while you're in a thinking mood, you might also ponder the implications of "changing youth migration patterns," to which I was alerted by another reader:

Yes, as far as young people are concerned, New York is "out," and Portland is "in." This is hardly surprising, and it's hard to imagine why any sensible young person would even want to move here in the first place. Indeed, over the years I've seen them come and I've seen them go [cue wistful music], and sooner or later everyone who moves here reaches a breaking point. This point is different from person to person, and it's always interesting to see what that point is. For example, I know one person who decided to leave New York after a wet rat crawled out of his toilet. In a normal city, people would have asked him how that even happens. In New York, all people wanted to know was, "So what are you going to do with your apartment?"

(By the way, the apartment's been fantastic--I just keep chicken wire over the bowl. Can't believe he left town, what a sucker.)

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll be exuberant, and if you're wrong you'll see equilibrists.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride safely.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) "NFBHU" stands for:

--NĂ¼-Fred Bike Hate Unit

2) This product is called:

--The Uberhood
--The Cockpit Parasol
--A pair of revealing short-shorts

(Seriously, Fizik? Riders looking for their "inner animals.")

3) Saddle manufacturer Fizik believes all humans fit into one of three animal-themed taintal categories. What are they?

4) Modern bicycle messengers carry:

--Important documents
--Just like, you know, their own random stuff

5) Fill in the blank: "Fuck that hipster shit we ________________!"

--"Ride fixed gears"
--"Ride unicycles"
--"Ride pennyfarthings"
--"Engage in intellectual and recreational pursuits we find interesting regardless of whether or not they are regarded as trendy or popular."

6) Under which circumstances should you always wear a helment in New York City?

--When riding a bicycle
--When joining the Occupy Wall Street protests
--When riding a horse
--After some guy punches you in the head for your parking space

***Special Sub-Canadian History-Themed Bonus Question!***

(An Oregonian Hitchhiker Whale attempts to "fin" a ride to Seattle.)

Oregon, the place where they have Portland, became a US state in what year?

--Statehood still pending

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