le coq sportif - Collection la Grande Boucle 2012 from Le Coq Sportif on Vimeo.
A reader forwarded this video to me, and while cheating may technically be "wrong" I'm starting to think that maybe we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater here. I'll take EPO-addled attacks over fey fixie fashion cavorting any day.
Speaking of bikes, did you know that people in America fucking hate them? Well, it's true. Actually, I should clarify that. Not only do they hate bikes, but they also hate people who ride bikes, and special lanes for those people to ride bikes in, and even little racks on which to park the horrible things. Consider this proposed bike rack in Brooklyn that would replace one car parking spot:
No big deal, right? Wrong:
Here's the problem people have with it:
"The transportation will be disrupted...and anyone hit by a car or bike coming out of that parking lot for bikes has to fend for himself," worried Eliseo Ruiz, the transportation committee's chair. "It looks like this is just going to be storage for bikes."
Yeah, good point about bikes flying out of that rack and hitting people. If you've ever walked by a bike rack you know how cyclists are always unlocking their bicycles, lifting the rear wheel off the street, whipping the RPMs up to like 12,000 RPMs, and then peeling out of there like fleeing criminals. Also, another good point that it's just going to be storage for bikes--which would obviate the whole "getting hit by a bike" thing since "storage" generally implies "leaving something where it is." Really, the best and most convincing anti-bike arguments are the ones that fly in the face of physics and are completely self-contradicting. For reasoning this brilliant you have to go back to the proposed Brooklyn velodrome, which people in Brooklyn Heights don't want because it will attract too many people and nobody will use it.
Meanwhile, in legal news, the family that's suing Strava for a cyclist's death is now getting countersued by Strava:
Flint Jr.’s original electronic signature, given when he joined the website, “excludes Strava from responsibility of legal claims or demands,” according to an article on the website of Bicycle Retailer and Industry News.
If you'd rather read that in legalese, here you go:
You have a Strava account, ipso facto you're a giant Fred, ergo there's no mea culpa on Strava's behalf, en toto, ad nauseum, etc.
I had a year and a half of law school at Chuck E. Cheese's. Cost me a fuckload of tokens.
I should point out that I don't blame Strava for this person's death, nor do I think they should be held responsible. But that doesn't make me dislike Strava any less.
Lastly, yesterday I mentioned hero worship, and when it comes to celebrities and professional cyclists and so forth it's important to remember that you're more important than they are, which is why this guy makes them take his picture:
Here's his process, which he's employed with an impressive number of notable personages:
1. Never acknowledge their celebrity. You are simply asking for a favor by having your photo taken.
2. No autographs or photos with or of your subject. No “I loved you in Look Who’s Talking 6.”
3. Get in, get the shot, say ‘thanks’, and get out.
And here's a really bad photo taken by Jeff Goldblum:
By the way, despite Goldblum's shitty photo skills you may recognize him from this infamous Dario "Smell of Steel" Pegoretti interview:
As well as this Ritte von Finkelstein video via All Hail the Black Market:
I enjoy his work.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then buy yourself something nice on me on your own high-interest credit card and then I won't pay you back, and if you're wrong you'll see some fancy riding.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and stay hydrated, unless you're made of wicker.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
(The boat is professional cycling. It's a metaphor. I went to a college.)
1) Shitstorm 2012! Which long-time pro cycling sponsor is finally like, "Fuck it, we're out of here"?
--Rabobank
--Quick-Step
--Liquigas
--Circus Lupus, the Circus of Wolves
("Shit, we forgot the dinosaurs!")
2) Fill in the blank: "____ are a monophyletic lineage within the superfamily Apoidea, presently classified by the unranked taxon name Anthophila."
--Cows
--Pigs
--Bees
--Lobsters
(She's freeclimbing...but is she freebuffing?)
3) What is "freebuffing?"
--Cycling on technical terrain with a long-travel bicycle
--A technique recommended by Lennard Zinn for polishing crabon frames
--The female equivalent of "going commando"
--A doping technique by which cycling team soigneurs repurposed sanitary napkins as cutaneous testosterone patches
(Exhibit A)
(Exhibit B)
4) Knog accuses Abus of copying its "sausage lock." Abus claims there is "no reason" for any "customer confusion." Which is which?
--Exhibit A is Knog, Exhibit B is Abus
--Exhibit A is Abus, Exhibit B is Knog
--Both Exhibit A and Exhibit B are Abus
--Both Exhibit A and Exhibit B are Knog
("I pass it through the frame, both wheels, and the saddle rails for total security.")
5) For $25,000 Mario Cipollini will personally valet your bike and lock it up with his own "sausage."
--True
--False
6) Who would win in a fight to the death, actor and bicycle enthusiast Matthew Modine or Chinese philanthropist Chen Guangbiao?
--Matthew Modine, because he'd go all "Braveheart"
--Chen Guangbiao, because he can hurl a crabon bicycle with deadly accuracy
--David Byrne, in a devastating sneak attack
--Forty-seven highly-trained attack monkeys on EPO
7) These shoes have no:
--Laces
--Soles
--Tongues
--Clits
***Special Cockpit Contest-Themed Bonus Poll***
