Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #16

Now, I wouldn't normally find simple spelling errors grounds for highlighting a Craigslist ad. While I'm a bike snob, I'm actually not that picky about spelling and grammar. We all make mistakes, and I find people who are poor spellers or grammarians generally make up for it in other areas.

However, when you're selling a certain caliber of bicycle, a commensurate level of attention to detail is required. I'm not talking about typos, or errors in punctuation. I'm not even talking about evergreen mistakes like using "break" instead of "brake," or "petal" instead of "pedal." I'm talking about being able to reproduce the maker of the bicycle in print accurately at least one time in the ad.

With this ad, it's not about the bike. It's about wanton cluelessness:





RICHARD SACKS, Circa 1980 - $2000 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/bik/390742323.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-08-06, 4:04PM EDT


Racing bicycle, hand built by Richard Sacks circa 1980. Built for a 5'10" man who treated it like his own child! He even had it repainted by Sack's shop shortly before he had to to stop riding it, about 1994. Frame meassures 22" (55-6cm) from center to center along the most vertical side of the frame. Most of the equipment is Campagnola except for:


Dura-Ace brake levers
Cinelli headset and axles
Flyte (selle Italia) seat
Look pedals
Wheel hubs are Campanola, rims say Araya Aero 1 World Champion


For more information call [deleted]

OK, what kind of blissful plane of ignorance must you reside on to misspell Richard Sachs' name so consistenly despite not only having access to the bike, but also having included a pretty decent photo of the downtube with the correct spelling in bright yellow? (If you don't know where the downtube is, that's the one next to "the most vertical side of the frame.")

It's unclear from the ad whether this guy actually owns this bike or is selling it for someone else, but if it is his and he did "treat it like [his] own child" then this bike must be a home-schooled idiot. Of course, you'd expect that this is also the kind of person who for some reason is compelled to feminize Campagnolo, and true to form he does not disappoint. There's also the subtler misspelling of Flite as "Flyte" in reference to the saddle, which almost wouldn't be worth mentioning if the actual ad didn't also include a close-up of the saddle itself, with the word "Flite" right there on the nose in yellow letters.

I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on this guy. Maybe he's color-blind and can't see yellow. But on the off-chance he's not and is simply an idiot, I'd act now. You may be able to get a bargain on a real live Sacks!

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #14 and #15

Well, the riders in the Tour aren't the only ones on drugs. There's clearly some serious substance abuse among the local riders selling their bikes on Craigslist as well. If you're looking to open a bicycle freakshow out in Coney Island before it's redeveloped, here's a brace of audaciously-priced bicycles that will round out your Stable of Horrors:

Cannondale Road Bike [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/bik/381118601.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-24, 1:29PM EDT

Cannondale Road Bike, Color white, New Tires, Brakes, Grips, Chain, etc. The bike just had a tune up 2 weeks ago. Runs in excellent condition/ very fast. Selling the bike w/ the stand, bike mini carrying pouches, speed o meter and Air pump.

For Sale $1500 negotiable.

Interested Call: [deleted]

Open to Serious Buyers

OK, this asking price is stunning, though it's negotiable of course. You have to love that boneheaded negotiating tactic--start with an absurdly high asking price in hopes of negotiating down to a ridiculously high selling price. He must be a NYC realtor. Then again he may be on to something--anyone dumb enough to even consider this bike at that price probably can't read the word "negotiable." Another hallmark of the Craigslist scrap-metal purveyor is mentioning the name of the color and then further explaining that that's in fact the color of the bike, as in: "blue in color," or "red in color." Here he says it's "color white." Thanks, just "white" would have been enough. People like this generally go on to say something about how the bike "runs," and this one's no exception. Bikes don't run! Cars run. Motorcycles run. People who have bought crappy Cannondales on Craigslist run after their bike falls apart and they have no other way to exercise. Then again, this bike does come with what appears to be an ammonia bottle on the downtube, in addition to a pair of simply mind-boggling handlebars. These bars were either built by Shiva the Destroyer or a very sentimental Irishman. If you buy this, just be careful not to get your head stuck in there.

--dabikejack--Vintage Peugeot Road Conversion - $350 (East Village) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/381111244.html]
Reply to: see below

Date: 2007-07-24, 1:19PM EDT

White, vintage Peugot Road conversion. Fixed or free wheel (flip-flop hub). 22 inches/48cm. Bull horn handlebars, leather saddle, black rims, yellow tires. Very good condition. For pickup, but will ship or deliver at additional cost.

Call Shane: [deleted]

$350? Come on. This is the most pathetic thing from France I've seen since Christophe Moreau. And who the hell is actually going to want this thing shipped to them? If this showed up at my house I'd move.

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #11, #12, and # 13

If you’re looking for entertaining and/or insightful Tour de France and general bike racing commentary [past and present], go here, here, and here. If you're looking for the muck that congeals on the bottom of the fetid public pool that is the NYC bikes for sale section of Craigslist, stay right here. Watch out for Legionnaire's disease:

Trek Singlespeed - $200 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/377327854.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-07-19, 10:45AM EDT

Large frame 24" or 61 cm --for someone over 5'10"

in good condition, small paint chips, very little rust new seat, bar ends, and chain tensioner. (see pics) Bike is big, light and very fast... email me to ride,

do not be short, you will not like it

The admonition to the vertically challenged is offensive. What’s not to like about being short? Are you some kind of heightist? Or are you sharing personal experience?

Anyway, nobody of any height will like your bicycle. $200?!? Your picture of that bike is worth more than the actual bike. That is not a singlespeed—it’s a piece of crap that’s missing its derailleurs. Please move it so I can have an unspoiled view of that brick wall, which is infintely more attractive.

Wanted- track tri-spoke or aerospoke front wheel velocity rear - $1 (Lower East Side) [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/377276082.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-07-19, 9:17AM EDT

looking for a couple things for my latest project:

-tri-spoke front wheel (100mm spacing)

-aerospoke front wheel (100mm spacing)

-unmachined white velocity rear wheel (or just the rim)

-track cranks. (something that fits my campy BB)

let me know if you have any of these. will buy or trade. i have a canon digital slr cam that im def willing to barter!

WILL ONLY DEAL LOCALLY.

Here comes another one, ready to trade the birthday present from Mom and Dad to build his trendy dream bike... Okay, firstly, that's more than a "couple things." Second, that’s cool if you want to build your bike according to “The Urban Fixie Checklist,” but putting the word out on Craigslist is like being a beautiful woman and going to one of those “Men $20, Ladies Free” nights at a club, or like being a vegetarian at a Dim Sum restaurant. You’re going to be offered a whole lot of disgusting things you don’t want. I'd shop elsewhere.

Boutique MTB crankset - Curve - $50 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/377132735.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-19, 12:07AM EDT

Curve 175mm 94BCD 5-arm mtb crankset. Kept as a spare, pretty much brand new. Crank arms only. I dare you to find another pair. $50

For $15 more, I can add a brand new Ritchey 42t ring + singlespeed crank bolts and make it a singlespeed crankset.

You dare me? How dare you! And you know what? I'm immature enough to take a dare so I did a little searching online. You're right, I couldn't find anything. But that's not a selling point. Rare and "boutique" are not smart choices when it comes to MTB cranks. And sometimes things are hard to find for a reason. If they are truly desireable collectibles take them to eBay.

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #9 and #10

Two Craiglist standbys: the stolen bike plea, and the clueless idiot who berates his readers...

****STOLEN***STOLEN***STOLEN***REWARD**REWARD**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - $500 (original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/371380204.html]



Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-11, 11:26AM EDT

see picture. if you bought it, then i suspect you didn't pay more than $100 so you're making alot on the deal, if you stole it then you're definately making out... no questions asked, i just want the bike back.

OK, my heart goes out to anybody who's bike gets stolen. But come the hell on. Firstly, does this person really think anybody would pay anything for this? Secondly, does this person actually have $500 to spend, and instead of buying a new bike want to use it as a reward for this rolling case of tetanus?

I'm inclined to dismiss this as a joke, but the owner has been desperately and repeatedly posting for the last two days. I'm also inclined to think this bike wasn't even stolen. I suspect whoever took it just figured it was abandoned and thought, "What the hell, I'll save myself a little time getting to the bodega." He probably thought it was one of those communal bikes like they have in Amsterdam or something.

If you have a similar piece of garbage in a garage, vacant lot, or dumpster near you, I suggest contacting this person and making the easiest $500 ever. And if you're the owner, let it go, man. Let it go.

WANTED--Bullhorn 'Drop' Handlebars [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/371461858.html]
Reply to: [Deleted]
2007-07-11, 12:53PM EDT

Read twice, drop means drop, not straight, bent downwards at an angle. If you have a set you didnt like, send me a pic and a price. No crap please.

Okay, I've read twice, three, even four times now, and I still don't know what the hell you want. You speak in contradictions. Are you a Zen master, or a complete moron? Alas, I have no "bullhorn drops," but I do have a geared fixie, some clipless pedals with toeclips and straps, and an 8-speed Ultegra 10-speed cassette if you're interested.

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads, #1

Admittedly I have an overdeveloped sense of propriety when it comes to bikes. A bike doesn't have to be high-end necessarily. It just needs to be right. Well thought-out, properly assembled, and with a component selection appropriate to the bike's usage and to the machine as a whole. And while I feel that as a cyclist one should be able to do whatever one wants (blow lights, ignore traffic signs, and so forth), I also feel that certain equipment choices and combinations just should not be allowed.

Cursed as I am with such a keen bicycle sense, there is no more nauseatingly offensive classifieds list as the NYC bikes for sale section of Craigslist. This could be a great resource for us NYC cyclists, like it is in other cities. (Check the Denver Craigslist if you don't believe me.) Instead, it's a bicycle cesspool. Overpriced fixie conversions, obsolete relics being touted as "vintage," blurry photos of crap... It's enough to make me want to yell at my monitor. And I know there are others like me as well. You know who you are. You post snide comments on the board, call people out on their pricing, and generally vent your frustrations on clueless hipster bike-sellers.

Which is why I bring you "Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads." This first entry, appropriately, is absolutely hideous:

59c surly steamroller velocity chris king nitto - $950

(original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/351232204.html)

$900 for a Surly Steamroller? Only in New York. (Or only in East Williamsburg, or Bushwick, or wherever the kids are living today.)

Reply to: sale-351232204@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-06-13, 11:29AM EDT

im selling my steamer to make some other projects happen

If they are as hideous as this God help us.

59c surly steamroller frame and fork

chris king headset

nitto b123 bars

OK so far... on paper. But what is this thing wrapped in? A tablecloth from an Italian restaurant?

white velocity deepv wheelset(formula hubs)

It's ENOUGH ALREADY with the powder-coated Deep Vs. Seriously, people should be embarassed to ride them by now.

rivendale speedblend tires(change colors)

Those things are freaking ugly. Even Grant Peterson of RivenDELL just threw up in his mouth a little bit.

blue anodized vintage shimano 600 crankset

Finally--a little color!

carbon seat post

It's important to shave grams with a carbon seatpost when you're going to secure it to the frame with about two pounds of drive chain so it doesn't get stolen.

selle italia saddle

What model?!?

itm stem

What model?!? What length?!?

crank bros mallet pedals (ill sell with or without)

Downhill mountain bike pedals have no place on a road bike of any kind and should not be allowed.

miche primato sealed bb tektro brake and cross lever(why not its drilled)

Miche Primato bottom brackets are ISO taper. Your Shimano crank wants a JIS taper. Mixing the tapers on square taper cranks can be very bad for the crank. Good thing that brake's on there--you're going to need it when your crank arm splits and falls off.

mechanic owned and operated for a short time ill clean it upo shortly, top tube and downtube are covered .....its a between bikes bike and i knew id be selling it so i kept it tiptop thats it ill maybe post some other measurements and pics later but no time now leave your # if your interested

Mechanic, eh? I can tell by the mixmatched crank/spindle. Your poor bike hates its life. "Look away, I'm hideous!," it says. Why did you do this to a perfectly nice Steamroller?!? There needs to be an Angelina Jolie of bicycles to rescue these poor things...