Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #20 (and #21, and #22, and #23, and #24)

Craigslist is like a composting toilet--everybody in town just keeps bringin' the crap. And if cycling culture is a rock, Craigslist is the disgusting mess of insects, worms and larvae that you find wriggling around beneath it when you flip it over. Prepare to lose your appetite:

hey douchebag on the iro [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/422230951.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-09-14, 10:29AM EDT
yeah you on smith st. in brooklyn, this is the second time you've almost nailed me. I know you're cool and all on your fixie but how about actually looking into intersections before you bomb thru red lights. If you do it again I'm gonna go cinzano on your ass.

Hey, I think I've seen that IRO! What a shame. I never thought IROs would become the new IROCs.

pink surly fixie - $200 (Union Square) [http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/422062375.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-09-14, 1:55AM EDT
chris king hs, thomson stem, avid disc in front, yay.... i need to stop and my legs too skiiny. i'm getting a black iro, black is the new pink

Speaking of douchebags on IROs, looks like there's going to be another one soon. Why would you do this to a Surly 1x1? All this thing needs is a couple of pink bottle cages to hold a couple bottles of Pepto-Bismol. Not only will they look great, but you'll need them to settle your stomach every time you look down at the monstrosity you're riding. I've got to thank this person for one thing, though--now I know what the inside of a dead body looks like.





fixie project - $50 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/422054493.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-09-14, 1:34AM EDT
N-I-C-E. Need bb, cranks, pedals and chain.

Oh, you'll need one other thing--a tetanus shot.

2007 Gang Green Bianchi Pista for Sale (57cm) - $600 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/421445886.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
2007-09-13, 12:46PM EDT
2007 Bianchi Pista for sale; I'm moving to London on Monday, so ideally it'd leave this weekend or tomorrow, tonight, whenever - just before Monday. Bought it in March '07 for about $640 w/ taxes and all that. Throwing in a Kryptonite lock ($60) and floor pump ($40). I think the whole thing was $750 in total, so for a bike that's only a couple months old and like-new shape, the price is fairly reasonable. Never crashed or hit or anything like that. Paint's fine all around; rides same as always.

Sorry if the pictures are a little dark.

I've got nothing against the venerable Bianchi Pista. I don't even mind that I see twenty of them a day. But what I do mind is that every single person who tries to sell one on Craigslist tries to sell it at or above full MSRP. Like this guy. Oh, wait, he's actually going to take a $40 hit and throw in some free crap. My mistake. And hey, no need to apologize for the dark pictures. We all know what a Pista looks like. But what's with the reversed image? Is the bike dyslexic? (Or fix-lexic?) If so you should just take it to London with you--it will be quite comfortable on the wrong side of the road.

Track Free Wheel Blue (Tall Frame) Bicycle New Rims, Tire, Chain, Bars - $280 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/420377345.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-09-12, 7:27AM EDT
Pleased to present a Track Free Wheel Blue Bicycle With New Rims, Tire, Chain, Handle, Bars, seat, Grips, break levers, Fork (upgraded to a all chrome new fork), cables & peddles. The frame is 25’’ inches & the rims are aluminum 27x 1 ¼’’ inches. Deliver is very is available & Please email or call me (347) 733-2079 Peter; if you have any questions & Thank you for your inquire. Note: All of our bicycles are professionally tuned & reconditioned. You are invited to copy & past out web link below to view our past (many more same style) bicycles.

The original fixed-gear chop shop was bad enough. Now there's a new retard on the scene. What in the goddamn hell is a "track free wheel bicycle?" Why do people just take a bunch of trendy bike words and string them together like brain-damaged parrots when they sell stuff on Craiglist? Speaking of brain damage, I'm not picky when it comes to spelling, but one mistake I cannot stomach is spelling "pedals" "peddles." Dear Idiot: a "pedal" is the thing your foot goes on, and "peddle" is what you're trying to do with your crap.

Clash of the Mono-Cog Titans: Fixedgeargallery vs. Velospace

If you own a potential internet showbike, probably the biggest question on your mind (after what color Deep Vs to get) is: "Where should I post my pictures?" Well, the two biggest online runway shows are arguably fixedgeargallery.com and velospace.org. To help you decide where to submit your photos, I have decided to pit the two against each-other. They will compete in six categories, which will determine the overall winner:

The "Why Bother Posting This?" Competition

Between what I've seen online and what I've seen on the streets, the old Peugeot is probably the single most commonly converted bike out there. This one, with the requisite bullhorns and Brooks saddle, has little to distinguish it from the herd. Except perhaps the color-coordinated water bottle.

This bike is ugly enough to have been an extra in "Beetlejuice."

Winner: Velospace

The Naked Handlebar Competition

Naked risers. No grips, no brake levers, no clips on the pedals. A solid entry indeed. (Bonus points for matching the bike to the patio furniture.)

Proudly, the bull elk surveys his territory, his mighty antlers sending a clarion call to the rest of the males: "This pond is mine."

Winner: Velospace

Unrideable Geometry Competition

This contortionist's dream raises many questions. Chief among them is, "Why do people put bullhorns on everything except bikes that actually call for them?" The full poker hand of spoke cards, designer top tube pad, and front Hed tri wheel are all bonuses. This bike in motion is doubtless an MC Escher print come to life--eternally descending, yet remaining level. Heavy.

Unfortunately no bike was able to compete with the Velospace bike. So instead I present this gorilla, the only beast capable of riding it comfortably.

Winner: Velospace

Hellbent for Leather Competition

With its leather bar wrap, matching Brooks saddle and Burberry top tube pad (!), this old chap is an Anglophile's delightfully naughty dream. Despite the spoke card, this bicycle evokes images of fox huts, bowls of bread pudding, tweed hats, and sexless nights with prudish spouses. If this picture were to come to life, an old Rudge would open up that turquoise door and invite it in for tea.

This bike is more of a cowboy's mount. I can see the owner riding it in a Stetson and urging it along by gently swatting its rump with a lariat. Maybe he'd occasionally rope a BMX or something. And with Bicycle Polo an apparent hit, could Bicycle Rodeo be far off? Still, it's not quite as evocative as the Bob Jackson.

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Cheap Tart Competition

This simple Pista with the caked-on blue eyeshadow and patterned cocktail dress looks like a teenager from Flushing who's sneaked out of the house for a night in the city. And just like Mom and Dad can't stop a willful teenager, the rider can't stop this bike. No brake, no straps, no problem.

Is the yellow handlebar tape on backorder?

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Bianchi Pista Concept Competition

The spoke card and ATACs on this bike suggest the owner intended to build a dedicated track bike but chickened out at the last minute. And are the $400 Easton carbon bars better without tape, or was there just not enough money left in the budget?

"My bike is race-ready and attractive--albeit in a tube-of-toothpaste sort of way. How can I make it look more special? I know! I'll put some gold crap on it! Yeah, that's better. Now it looks like a marathon runner wearing a rope chain."

Winner: Velospace

Final Result: Velospace takes it, four to two! Step it up, Fixedgeargallery!