Clash of the Mono-Cog Titans: Fixedgeargallery vs. Velospace

If you own a potential internet showbike, probably the biggest question on your mind (after what color Deep Vs to get) is: "Where should I post my pictures?" Well, the two biggest online runway shows are arguably fixedgeargallery.com and velospace.org. To help you decide where to submit your photos, I have decided to pit the two against each-other. They will compete in six categories, which will determine the overall winner:

The "Why Bother Posting This?" Competition

Between what I've seen online and what I've seen on the streets, the old Peugeot is probably the single most commonly converted bike out there. This one, with the requisite bullhorns and Brooks saddle, has little to distinguish it from the herd. Except perhaps the color-coordinated water bottle.

This bike is ugly enough to have been an extra in "Beetlejuice."

Winner: Velospace

The Naked Handlebar Competition

Naked risers. No grips, no brake levers, no clips on the pedals. A solid entry indeed. (Bonus points for matching the bike to the patio furniture.)

Proudly, the bull elk surveys his territory, his mighty antlers sending a clarion call to the rest of the males: "This pond is mine."

Winner: Velospace

Unrideable Geometry Competition

This contortionist's dream raises many questions. Chief among them is, "Why do people put bullhorns on everything except bikes that actually call for them?" The full poker hand of spoke cards, designer top tube pad, and front Hed tri wheel are all bonuses. This bike in motion is doubtless an MC Escher print come to life--eternally descending, yet remaining level. Heavy.

Unfortunately no bike was able to compete with the Velospace bike. So instead I present this gorilla, the only beast capable of riding it comfortably.

Winner: Velospace

Hellbent for Leather Competition

With its leather bar wrap, matching Brooks saddle and Burberry top tube pad (!), this old chap is an Anglophile's delightfully naughty dream. Despite the spoke card, this bicycle evokes images of fox huts, bowls of bread pudding, tweed hats, and sexless nights with prudish spouses. If this picture were to come to life, an old Rudge would open up that turquoise door and invite it in for tea.

This bike is more of a cowboy's mount. I can see the owner riding it in a Stetson and urging it along by gently swatting its rump with a lariat. Maybe he'd occasionally rope a BMX or something. And with Bicycle Polo an apparent hit, could Bicycle Rodeo be far off? Still, it's not quite as evocative as the Bob Jackson.

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Cheap Tart Competition

This simple Pista with the caked-on blue eyeshadow and patterned cocktail dress looks like a teenager from Flushing who's sneaked out of the house for a night in the city. And just like Mom and Dad can't stop a willful teenager, the rider can't stop this bike. No brake, no straps, no problem.

Is the yellow handlebar tape on backorder?

Winner: Fixedgeargallery

Best Bianchi Pista Concept Competition

The spoke card and ATACs on this bike suggest the owner intended to build a dedicated track bike but chickened out at the last minute. And are the $400 Easton carbon bars better without tape, or was there just not enough money left in the budget?

"My bike is race-ready and attractive--albeit in a tube-of-toothpaste sort of way. How can I make it look more special? I know! I'll put some gold crap on it! Yeah, that's better. Now it looks like a marathon runner wearing a rope chain."

Winner: Velospace

Final Result: Velospace takes it, four to two! Step it up, Fixedgeargallery!

New Fixed-Gear Bicycle Owner's Manual

For the most part I like off-the-rack track bikes. More inexpensive entry-level anything is a good thing. It's what a lot of people are doing with these bikes that's infuriating. And manufacturers have followed suit by blithely dismissing brakes on their websites, festooning their bikes with graffiti, and naming models after trendy neighborhoods. Look to find something like this hanging off the bars at your LBS soon:

New Fixed-Gear Bicycle Owner's Manual

Contratulations on the purchase of your Bianchi Pista/Specialized Langster/Cannondale Capo/Jamis Sputnik or similar. Your new bicycle should give you many days of enjoyment until you tire of it for aesthetic reasons and list it on Craigslist for the full retail price in order to help fund the purchase of an NJS-certified keirin bike, a vintage Fender Telecaster, or your move to another, trendier city.

Until that moment arrives, here are some things you need to know in order to get the most enjoyment out of your new toy:

A Note on the Fixed Gear Drivetrain

Your bicycle is equipped with a fixed gear drivetrain. For this reason you may want to alter your riding style accordingly. Firstly, ride slowly. Very slowly. This is the best way to avoid obstacles. When riding with friends on city streets, in bike lanes, or in parks, it is acceptable to disregard the flow of car or bicycle traffic and ride in whichever direction you choose. Slowly. If you find yourself traveling in the same direction as traffic and encounter an intersection with a red light or turning vehicle and are unable to stop, simply turn right. Riding around the block will eventually put you back on course and save you embarrassment and injury. In fact, did you know it's possible to get to any point on an urban street grid using only right turns? Well, it is. And it's safe and fun! Remember this acronym: AAL (Always Avoid Lefts).

Furthermore, your drivetrain enables you to enjoy your bicycle without having to actually ride it more than a few feet at a time. Fun things to try include: skidding, skip-stopping, trackstanding, and putting stickers and colorful parts on it.

Upgrading

It is important to begin the process of upgrading your bicycle’s appearance immediately. This can occasionally have the side-effect of improving your bicycle’s performance as well. Fortunately there are increasing numbers of track bicycle boutique shops. These shops dispense with the selection, service, and expertise of old-fashioned bike shops and instead focus on catering to your every candy-colored whim. They can also offer you sound and practical advice. Best of all, they carry lots of cool t-shirts.

Proper Usage

Though the model name or advertising copy for your bicycle may include words like “pista,” “track,” or “entry-level racing,” in no circumstances should you attempt to use your bicycle on or for any of the above. Doing so shall void your warranty.

“Proper Usage” includes: riding slowly to the bike boutique to purchase accessories and clothing; photographing your bike for submission to on-line galleries; participation in ad-hoc skidding contests; and doing track stands for hours outside of the residence of a person you would like to impress.

Handlebars

Your handlebars are wrapped in tape made of synthetic cork. Please note that the purpose of this tape is to protect your bars during shipping. This tape should be removed immediately.

You should be aware that once the tape is removed the bars may be slippery and difficult to grip. If this is the case, remove bars from stem, invert, and re-install. Then, using a hacksaw, cut in the middle of the curved portion until the excess length is removed. Your hands will now be slightly less likely to slip from the bars due to the limited hand position. This is called “flop n’ chop,” and your bicycle is now a gelding.

Brakes

Depending on make and model, your bicycle may have been shipped with a brake or a pair of brakes pre-installed. These brakes should only be used in emergencies. Once you are comfortable bringing the bicycle to a safe and complete stop without using the brakes, they should be removed and discarded.

The term “safe and complete stop” means bringing the bicycle from 5mph to 0mph in a distance of no more than 50 feet.

Safety

Whenever operating your bicycle, safety should be your primary concern. Be sure to have a qualified mechanic install a top-tube pad immediately.

Thanks very much for your purchase, and welcome to the exciting world of track cycling!

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #7 and #8

There is a fixed-gear conversion chop-shop of sorts somewhere in the trendy part of Brooklyn that has been posting regularly on Craigslist for at least a year or two now. The following two ads are typical of their postings. It's kind of a meth lab for bicycles in that it operates from someone's apartment and its product is extremely dangerous. The first post is to hook the new users, and the second targets the addict--watch how he changes his tone and approach from one to the other. Both posts are insidious and infuriating. Consider the implications on your Independence Day ride tomorrow:

Once You Ride Track You Never Go Back! Fixed Gears and Single Speeds - $100
[original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/363527325.html]
Reply to: see below
Date: 2007-06-30, 2:18AM EDT

What does this mean? I'm scared! Does this mean I will ride around and around a velodrome until I die? I mean, I love to ride, but that literally sounds like hell.

Once You Ride Track You Never Go Back! Fixed Gears and Single Speeds If you want to ride track, or just want learn more about it, we can help you find the right bike. CALL [deleted] after 5pm and call back if i dont answer!

Oh, I see. Riding "track" means riding a fixed gear bicycle. Got it. I have a friend with one of those. Sounds pretty cool. I think I'll read further.

We have several fixed gear and track bikes ready to go- 2 peugeots, 2 Fujis, a Schwinn, a Bianchi, a Univega, and a Panasonic. We can answer any questions you have, and we have a good selection of fixed gear and single speed bikes starting at $100. Every bike we sell comes with a six month warantee, and we are always happy to explain how to care for and maintain your fixie. Both converted rear hubs and track wheels are available for any bike, as well as flip flop wheels, with freehweel on one side and fixed on the other, for those who like variety. See below for more wheel info.

Why do I feel like I'm about to buy a black market parrot or something?

Every bike we sell will have: -a straight chainline -a secure cog and lockring -a rear wheel centered in dropouts -a front brake for added safety -new cables and housing -new bearings in the headset and bottom bracket

Sounds OK so far. I love added safety! Mom and Dad will definitely wire me the money to buy a safe bike like this.

For those who are wondering, here is a rundown of our procedure for converting rear wheels: A fixed gear is distinguished by direct drive; the pedals and the rear wheel are connected directly by the drivechain, so the if you pedal backward you go back, and if you stop pedalling you stop, unlike with a freewheel bike. On both converted road wheels and track wheels, the cog and lockring screw onto threading on the hub, but only a track wheel has reverse threading for the lockring. This way, when you pedal forward, you tighten the cog, and when you pedal back, you tighten the lockring. On a conversion, the cog and lockring both thread on the same way, so that whan you pedal backward, the chain torques them both loose. For this reason, for our conversions, we weld the cog and lockring onto the hub, so that when you stop, your cog wont pop off! In our experience, the welded conversion is just as safe as a track hub; neither one has ever broken that we know of. However, if you plan on riding without a front brake, we recommend using a track wheel just to be sure. The rest of the conversion involves adjusting the axle and spacers and re-dishing the wheel. We put longer spokes on the drive side of the wheel and shorter spokes on the other one; this ensures that the cog and the lockring are in a straight line and that the rim is centered in the dropouts. Both these things are critical for a functional fixed gear: if the chainline isnt straight, the chain will derail and the chainring will get bent, and if the rim isn't centered correctly, the balance and the steering of the bike will be off....So make sure any fixed gear you buy is set up right- don't be afraid to ask questions!

Well, I'm convinced. Welding a cog to a hub sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I doubt I'll ever want to change my gearing anyway. And I'm comforted by the fact that he says not one has ever broken "that we know of." Why, the only way they wouldn't know if one had broken would be if the rider had died, and I certainly doubt that's the case. In fact, I think I'll cut-and-paste this entire paragraph and email it to Mom and Dad so they'll feel better about wiring me that money.

We are between workshops right now, so we're temporarily working out of my apartment in williamsburg- please contact us to set up a time to come by. If you tell us your height, your price range, and any other preferences you have, we'll let you know what bikes we have that might work for you. Please call [deleted] for more info- leave a message with your number if i dont answer and i will get back to you asap.

Hmm, surprising that they're between workshops. I'd think an operation as professional and conscientious as this would already have a chain of legitimate retail outlets all over Brooklyn. Oh well--I guess I'll just keep trying until he answers. He probably can't hear me over his welder.

50cm Bianchi Track Bike (fixed gear, NO BRAKES) for sale - $600
[original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/365387986.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-07-02, 9:28PM EDT This vintage early 1980's Bianchi Pista is a beautiful classic track bike in pristine condition. For the CL police who will no doubt post some smug comment about new Pistas selling for the same price, let me point out that I have just had the frame professionally powder coated, and I have also customized it with new upgrades of just about all the components. Even without the custom rebuild, the older Pista frames are vastly superior to the flashy new models, and unlike the Pistas currently on the market (which most racers would be too embarrassed to bring to a velodrome), they were actually made for RIDING ON THE TRACK. This bike is not drilled for brakes, and it has authentic track geometry. The new finish is a metallic sky blue color, and I have rebuilt it with all black components including:

Hold on there, Skippy. Last time I was at the velodrome I saw some of the fastest riders in NYC riding recent-vintage Pistas, and they didn't look too embarrassed. In fact, the only rider who would be "embarrassed" to ride a reasonably-priced and versatile bicycle is the kind of rider who would be afraid to enter a race in the first place. If you ever raced, you'd know that most real racers don't have a vanity bike for each and every discipline, and are more concerned with actually riding. Also, maybe you've been blinded by welding flash, but if you check the Bianchi site you'll find that the current Pistas do have true track geometry. Yes, they're handicapped by those pesky brake holes, but you can easily weld those shut.

Chris King sealed bearing headset Salsa stem straight aluminum bars with matching blue grips (or Nitto drops or bullhorns if you prefer) Dura Ace aerodynamic seatpost Koski Engineering leather saddle Campagnolo record track bottom bracket Truvativ track crankset and chainring Campy Record track pedals w/ new clips and straps Maillard high flange track wheels with Swift S11 deep dish Sunrims and butted spokes Dura Ace cog and lockring I am asking $600 for the complete bike, including 6mo. warrantee. This is a really cool looking bike, all blue and black, and it rides beautifully- very smooth and quiet. Sorry, I dont have any pics. If you would like to come see the bike please give me a call at [deleted], preferably after 5pm, and day this week. You can also email me, but I dont check my email very often so phone is best.

Good for you. Sounds like a hot setup. I love mix-matched ISO and JIS tapers. And I'm sure your warranty counts for a lot. Go back to welding lockrings onto Panasonics and leave bicycle retail to the shops that have some knowledge and accountability.

Fixedgeargallery...of the sublimely ridiculous.

One of my favorite things about fixedgeargallery is the sheer variety of bicycles and defects. Sometimes it takes a few minutes for quirks and inconcistencies to reveal themselves, and sometimes the moment I click my mouse I'm nearly thrown from my chair as though I've triggered an ejector seat. In this batch, there's a little from column A, and a little from column B:

This bike has got to be one of the ugliest things I've seen in awhile, bicycle or otherwise. The red, the bubblegum pink, the toptube pad...this is more ill-conceived than a sports bar in Williamsburg. The only possible justification for this bicycle existing would be if the owner is a professional clown who rides it on the job while honking one of those old-timey horns. Barring this, it's a disaster.

Almost subtle in comparison is this rough beast from Chicago, slouching towards Wicker Park to be born. This bike is the equivalent of that guy who always wears a really annoying hat, or an ascot, regardless of the weather. Yes, we all notice you, don't worry--you can stop looking for a pink saddle. And why do I get the feeling somebody's saving up for a white paint job?

This is one of those bikes that took awhile to start annoying me. The first thing I noticed was the top tube pad, which makes the bike look like it's wearing a turtleneck. Putting a top-tube pad on a bike is like putting a sweater on a dog. Then there's the brown color scheme. It's not as bad as the pink, but in its own way it's just as precious. What's with all the color coordinating on fixies? They're bikes, not Barbie dolls. Also, this thing has chain tensioners on horizontal dropouts. Chain tensioners are borderline pointless in the real world even on track fork-ends. On a conversion with horizontal dropouts they're just awkward, sticking out at an angle like exhaust pipes on a Kawasaki. And what's with the rental car? Is that the rider's or his parents'? Either way something's just not right about posing your fixed gear with a motor vehichle.

If this bike isn't "studied chic" I don't know what is. This is a by-the-numbers trendy build. This bicycle says, "The guy who rides me spends way too much time picking out his outfit in the morning." I imagine if you go up that walkway and into that house, and then proceed to the bedroom closet, you'll find a closet full of barely-worn Nike Dunks. Of course, color coordination is present in the purple chain, hubs, and grips. (You know, people who actually ride change their chains and grips too often to make sure they match.) I don't know what that top tube pad is made of, but it looks like either crushed velvet or snakeskin. This bike looks like it's congratulating itself for getting into a really trendy bar last night. How long before he ditches that IRO frame for something NJS?

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #3 and #4

This first one's not about the bike. It's the approach I can't get past. The second one is just all bad.

AWESOME BIANCHI BIKE - $300 (Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/359639365.html)

Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-06-25, 3:45AM EDT

A bike is a lot like a car except it has only two wheels, no extra passengers, no stereo, no exhaust system, no parking tickets, no moving it every morning so you don’t get parking tickets, no insurance, no expense in money or time to pump dead dinosaur liquid that props up corrupt Middle-Eastern autocracies and their Western petro-chemical partners in grime, no digging it out in winter, no accumulation of fat on your ass and stomach from sitting in it, and no sneers from investment bankers who have nicer cars. Also, it is nothing like a car.

Awesome bike. Vintage high performance. Bianchi brand. Super light. Rides like a cream-dream. Seriously nice bike. Not ridden for a while, but in great shape. Tires need air, but otherwise good to go. Buy it. Ride it. Feel the wind in your hair. Be free again. See the city at a different speed, while simultaneously putting your foot up the ass of the automotive industry. Pretend you’re a bike messenger. Everyone thinks they’re sexy. $300 or best offer

Selling a bike is one thing. Trying to sell someone on the entire concept of cycling in order to sell your bike is another. That's just creating way too much work for yourself. I suspect this guy is more hopeful that someone will find him charming and email him for a date than he is hopeful that someone will buy his bike. Which is fine. But that's what the personals are for.

Vintage Haro - totally rad. - $100 (Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/360243003.html)

Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-06-25, 8:00PM EDTA super cool Vintage Haro. Mostly original. Missing back wheel. (really easy to replace) 45" adapter chain ring. Could use a bath and possibly removal of some angsty stickers (3). Must pick up in Red Hook. $100 firm.

OK, next time you go back home to Ohio and visit your parents, try to dig that rear wheel up. You might just find someone dumb enough to buy this thing. (By the way, I used to ride BMX and actually owned a Haro in the 80s. I don't remember them ever being this ugly. Rebadged Huffy? I'll defer to the BMXperts out there.)